From Abomination to Adoration
by grape-2010
Summary: How did James and Lily come to fall in love? What bumps and bruises did they acquire along the way? From hexing to comforting, this is the way it all started. Endure dangers and hardships, perplexity and mind games, and matters of the heart.
1. Prelude: Nasty Beginnings

**Prelude:** _Nasty Beginnings_

December, Sixth Year 

It was the end of the first semester; there were only several days before the Hogwarts Express would take most of the children home for the holidays. The responsible students had already packed their trunks, but the others waved it off, always saying, "I'll do it later."

The students of Gryffindor Tower ages eleven to seventeen were gathered in the common room, enjoying the end-of-term party that the prefects had managed to get permission to throw. The air was filled with laughter and delighted squeals. There was a table against the wall that was completely covered in sweets and refreshments.

There was a steadily growing crowd gathered around two boys playing chess at a table. The boys were good friends, best, in fact, and shared a bond stronger than most. One boy was leaning forward in his chair; his hand stroking his chin, his hazel eyes narrowed behind round, wire-rimmed glasses as he studied the board. He had dark hair that was perpetually messy, whereas his adversary also had black hair, but it was tamed and fell elegantly to the collar of his shirt. His own gray eyes flicked from the board up to his opponent, awaiting his move.

Abruptly, the boy with the hazel eyes leaned back in his chair, linking his fingers behind his head, and smirked. His eyes twinkled with mischief as he looked across at his best friend.

It was the gray-eyed boy's turn to narrow his eyes. "What are you thinking?" he asked suspiciously.

"What do you say we size this up a bit?"

The gray eyes remained narrowed as the boy considered. After a moment his answer was clear by the grin that spread across his lips beautifully. Several girls in the crowd sighed dreamily. The boy leaned back in his chair, copying his friend's pose, and he asked, "What did you have in mind, mate?"

"Why don't we make this match a little more…realistic?" suggested the other boy slyly, gracefully arching a single eyebrow. He'd practiced that in the mirror before bed for weeks.

In response, the gray-eyed boy stood up, pushing back his chair, and stepped away from the table.

Lily Evans had been watching the whole thing out of the corner of her eye. She was a prefect, and rightfully so; however, she didn't think her partner was as fit for the title. Remus Lupin sat relaxing in an armchair near the fire, watching his two raven-haired friends with lazy indifference. Lily glanced at him and huffed out a breath, effectively blowing a strand of auburn hair out of her emerald green eyes. He won't be much help, she thought.

She stood from her own armchair. Back straight, shoulders square, and chin up, she marched determinedly over to the table where the two friends were playing. The boy with the glasses had also stood and backed away from the table. His wand was in his hand, and just as he was about to wave it, Lily gave him pause.

"Don't you even think about it, James Potter. We're not allowed to use magic; it was one of the conditions to having this celebration." She kept walking until she was only standing several inches from him, and planted her fists on her hips. Her forehead barely reached as high as the tip his slightly-too-long nose.

Despite her stern warning, James smiled at her and smoothly slipped an arm around her shoulders. "Relax, Evans, it'll be just one _teeny, tiny_ spell. What harm could it do?"

He felt a quick prick of envy when she easily lifted one delicate eyebrow. He bet she'd never had to practice. "Do you really want me to answer that, Potter?" she replied.

"C'mon, Evans, live a little. You need to lighten up." Lily looked over at the boy with the gray eyes.

"Hush, Sirius," James scolded mildly. "I got it." Turning back to Lily, he said with a charming smile, "Just one enlargement spell, Evans. Please…it's all in good fun."

She didn't even bat an eye. "No," she insisted firmly. "What if something was to happen?"

James removed his arm from across her shoulders to take her chin in his hand. "Trust me, Evans. I know what I'm doing."

After that, things proceeded too quickly for Lily to keep up. James deftly leaned down and pecked her on the cheek, freezing her in disbelief that he would dare to be so bold. While she was distracted, he pulled out his wand again and gave it a complicated swish. _"Engorgio!"_

The chess set began to grow. And grow, and grow. The crowd cheered and Sirius whooped in excitement. Soon the table could no longer hold the weight of the rapidly enlarging board game and collapsed from under it. By now the pieces alone were knee height.

Lily had come out of her daze when the table had broken. She stepped forward, pulling out her own wand and stopped the game from growing any bigger. The damage was already done, however, and the pieces seemed to have developed a mind of their own.

As the size of house-elves, the pieces started running amok around the common room, thoroughly trashing it. Gryffindor students screamed and dashed for their dormitories, hoping to get there before the chess pieces did.

Only a handful of students stayed behind to try to do some damage control. Lily was one of them; she kept cursing herself for being so easily distracted by _Potter, _of all people, while she stunned the knights and queens and kings.

One knight had apparently dodged all efforts to take him down. He started thrashing his sword around wildly. While she'd had her back turned, the piece had come up behind Lily. His sword caught her side, slicing her flesh in one clean, deep gash.

She gasped and quickly stunned him. She held both of her hands to her side, which was gushing crimson liquid, soaking the side of her shirt and seeping easily through her fingers. No one seemed to notice though; they were still busy stopping the last few rebellious chess pieces.

Lily carefully made her way to an armchair to sit down. The cushion was vomiting stuffing, but she didn't notice as her vision grayed around the edges. Blood began soaking the armchair, too.

"Lily?" came a voice. A girl with chocolate brown hair and eyes to match poked her head around the back of the armchair in which Lily sat. "All the pieces have been stunned. Are you okay? You look sick…" The girl trailed off as she came around the chair and spotted Lily's wound. She gasped. "Oh my God, Lily! Why didn't you say anything?" She pulled Lily to her feet. "Come on, I'll take you to the infirmary."

Lily smiled at her best friend weakly. "Thanks, Charlie."

Charlize Simmons cleaned the blood from the chair with her wand before conjuring a very long strip of thick cloth. "Here, this ought to help clot it better than your hands." The brunette wrapped the cloth around Lily's waist before supporting her out of the portrait hole.

Lily lie on her side on one of the stiff, blindingly white beds in Hogwarts's hospital wing while the nurse, Madam Pomfrey, muttered some healing words and lathered some ointments on her cut.

When she was finished, Madam Pomfrey straightened with her fists on her hips. Glaring down at the two girls sternly, she said, "May I question how you acquired such an incision?"

Lily glanced at Charlie, who was looking at her with meaningfully wide eyes. Seeing she would be no help with an alibi, Lily tried to draw up a reasonable one on her own. "A small…_hazard _at the party in the Gryffindor common room," she finally said, attempting to hide the uncertainty in her voice.

The nurse gave her a dubious look and Charlie gaped at her. Not wanting the nurse's doubts to deepen, Lily discreetly gave Charlie a hard pinch on the leg.

"Small? Dear child, a cut this size was nowhere near an accident." Pomfrey's gaze intensified. "You haven't been using magic when I know for a fact that Professor McGonagall disallowed it, have you?"

"No," Lily replied. Too quickly.

"I daresay I'll have to report this to your Head of House, Miss Evans."

"No! It's no big deal, really. Everything's been taken care of already."

"I must report this," Madam Pomfrey stated with finality. "Now, make sure you come back in the morning for a change of bandages. It should be cleared up by lunch tomorrow."

With that she shooed Lily and Charlie out the doors.

After walking through a couple of corridors in silence, Charlie couldn't hold back any longer. "Why on earth did you stick up for them? They're ignorant jerks that deserve a detention for arguing with a prefect and going against firmly stated rules! And that Lupin! They're _his_ friends, and he didn't do dung about it! He should have his badge revoked! It was all way out of line!"

"I'm not a tattletale," Lily said simply. Charlie tutted.

They reached the Fat Lady and gave the password. Upon entering, Lily and Charlie were met with Peter, Remus, Sirius, and James sitting alone on the couch in front of the fire. The room was empty and clean, all remnants of the party and chess game gone. When they heard the girls enter, all the boys' heads turned toward the portrait hole simultaneously, faces blank. Then James spoke.

"So, one little mishap and you have to go running to McGonagall? I knew you were stuck-up and rule abiding, Evans, but I didn't think you'd be a blabbermouth, too. Just in here, McGonagall. Gave us a good talking to. She's not happy with the prefects," he accused, glaring at her coldly.

"_Little_ mishap? You call setting an armed…_thing_ rampaging about _minor_? Someone could have gotten seriously injured!" Lily countered, returning a glare just as cold, unconsciously rubbing her side. Remus noticed this and furrowed his eyebrows, but didn't ask.

"Stop being so melodramatic, Evans! I was handling it! Nothing happened!" James leapt to his feet.

"_You_ were handling it? Funny, I remember _myself_ having to stun the blasted things! How dare you make assumptions without knowing the half of it! Don't you realize _you_ started the whole thing? _You_ and your sickeningly conceited ways of gaining popularity!"

James's eyes flared with rage. That had struck a nerve. "At least I know _how_ to have fun! You know fun, right Evans? Well, you've probably never _experienced_ it, but you've probably read all about the 'theory of frolicking' in a bloody _book_ once! I'm surprised you know what sunlight looks like, the way you keep cooped up inside with your nose buried in encyclopedias!"

Lily was gaping in spite of herself. The argument had taken a drastic turn and had gotten very personal. Of course she knew what sunlight looked like, felt like, and that it can be bad to get too much of it without using precautions.

It wasn't worth the time and energy to fight with James. She knew she had the ammo, but it could take a while for her to think of it fast enough. He had needle-sharp tongue, and was quick to think of comebacks. He also had a hard head, so hard that even if you could bash words into his head with a hammer, he would still be stubbornly convinced he was right.

Lily snapped her jaw shut, stared at James with an honest hurt look for a moment, then calmly walked to the girls' dormitory staircase with Charlie, who was flushed in the cheeks and had her fists clenched, following behind her.

From then on, the Marauders kept their distance away from Lily and Charlie, and vice versa, only speaking went it was absolutely necessary, and even then it was short and curt.


	2. Strange Occurences

**Chapter 1:** _Strange Occurrences_

Lily was walking down the corridor in a hurry, her arms full of books. She had been in the library looking for a book for light reading and found she couldn't decide on just one. Rounding a corner, she gasped as she collided with someone who had just been going around the same corner, too. She fell flat on her back getting the wind knocked out of her. Struggling to grip her normal breathing rate, she shakily stood, coming face to face with James Potter and co.

"Watch it, Red," he sneered, his voice oozing with hate.

"I could say the same for yourself," Lily replied coldly. She bent down to collect her books. As she reached for the last one, he kicked it to other side of the corridor.

"That was uncalled for! It's a library book, you impudent jerk!" Lily chided.

"Oops."

Lily fixed a deadly glare on him and blew all her breath out of her nose, her temper and impatience rising.

"You –"

"I don't want to talk to you anymore," Potter cut her off as he held up a hand. With that he walked past her, purposely bumping shoulders hard, his cronies following.

Rubbing her shoulder, Lily growled deep in her throat as she marched over to the last book, picked it up, and headed back to Gryffindor Tower.

This is how things had been for months. It was truly a shock when Potter was made Head Boy with Lily as Head Girl. She had actually fainted when told the news. Now it was mid-October and NEWT lectures and homework were piling up.

Besides homework and Head duties, Lily also had Quidditch practice – with Potter as Captain. She was seeker; with her petite form it came easier to dive and turn suddenly and such. She was always in top form, Potter made sure of that.

It was Saturday, two days since the corner incident. Lily and Charlie were walking down to the lake to talk.

"So Whale proposed to Horse? Merlin, I sympathize for their children," Charlie admitted as she bowed and shook her head. Horse was Lily's older sister, Petunia. She had a bony, horse-like face, hence her nickname. Her boyfriend, or fiancé now, Vernon Dursley, was called Whale because he was so… big, to put it nicely, he resembled a whale. Or walrus…you get the point.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Lily said. "Honestly, who would –"

"Well, well, well. If it isn't Carrot Top," drawled an, unfortunately, familiar voice – the voice of James Potter. The girls froze and stiffened. Then, slowly, they turned with hardened faces.

"What do you want, Potter?" Charlie spat. Lily was trying her hardest to petrify him with her stare. He merely smirked.

"I was just wondering if the rumors were true. Did you really shag Snivellous, Red?"

Lily's blood boiled. '_Wondering if the rumors were true my butt. I bet if there was such a rumor, he started it._' She felt heat rising to her face in both anger and embarrassment from the accusation.

"Was it good? I bet he had enough grease on his body to make lubrication unnecessary."

Lily was shaking from fury. "Well, you've room to speak, Potter. What about Jessica Fanning? I suppose all the drool that comes out of her mouth when she looks at you really has its uses, huh?"

Potter's smirk disappeared at her jaunty comeback. "I never hooked up with her," he said indignantly.

Lily snorted and put on a fake surprised look. "Really? That's surprising since you've had your way with at least 98 of the female population currently attending Hogwarts. Actually, why am I limiting that to just the _female_ population?" She finished with a smirk of satisfaction as Potter set his jaw and clenched his fists.

"What are you implying, Evans?" he asked in a dangerously low voice.

Lily was proud of herself. She almost never had the upper hand in one of their bicker matches. "Me? Implying?" she asked in an innocent voice. She turned to Charlie. "Was I implying something?"

"Nope," Charlie smirked. After a second she added, "Except that Potter here might prefer blokes as much as broads."

Potter instantly thrust out his wand and took a step forward. "Say it again, I dare you."

"James. Potter. Is. Bi. Sexual," Lily clarified slowly. "Merlin, you're daft. Can't you take a hint?" She folded her arms over her chest smugly. She knew any moment now Potter's pride would take over soon. She was right.

In the blink of an eye, Potter bellowed, "EXPELLIARMUS!" His anger had powered the spell so when it hit Lily it not only disarmed her, but also threw her back ten feet from where she had been standing. There was a stunned silence as everyone gaped at her unmoving form.

"LILY!" Charlie took off at a sprint and dropped to her knees at Lily's side. "Lily?" Turning her over Charlie saw a split lip and gash on her chin. She tapped her cheeks lightly several times. "Lily? Come on, wake up."

Abruptly, Lily sat bolt upright and coughed hard for a moment. She put her fingertips to her split lip and wiped at the blood, only smearing it. She swatted Charlie's hand away, grabbed her wand (which lay at her side), and stood. Marching up to the castle, she barged through the group of stock-still boys, genuinely making Peter fall over.

Charlie followed, but when she reached Potter, she went right up to him, looked him in the eye and said, "I never thought you would sink so low." Then she disappeared into the castle, leaving behind four thunderstruck Marauders.

Charlie found Lily in the bathroom of their dorm washing her cuts with soap and water. Lily and Potter could stay in the Heads' dorms, but noone knew if either would live until morning.

"He actually hexed me! Well, disarmed really, but it had the same effects! And the nerve of him, saying I shagged Snape. I've never had a boyfriend before, let alone intercourse! Ahhhh!" screamed Lily. "I hate him! I _HATE_ HIM!" Charlie was wondering if she could be a litte louder, she wasn't sure if the people in Mexico had heard.

Later that night, Lily and Charlie were in the Common Room. They were the only ones there so it was quiet, peaceful, and relaxing. Charlie sat in an armchair flipping through _Witch Weekly_ and Lily was lying on the couch, eyes drooping as she stared at the flames. When Charlie looked up from just reaching the halfway point in her magazine, Lily was breathing steadily and was fast asleep.

_"Twinkle, twinkle, littler star, how I wonder what you are. Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky. Twinkle, twinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are…" Lily quietly sang the Muggle lullaby to the baby in her arms. _

The baby boy with mussed jet-black hair looked oddly familiar, but Lily just couldn't put her finger on it. She gingerly stood from the rocking chair she had been sitting in and walked over to the crib. Pulling the blankets over the sleeping baby, she bent down and kissed his forehead, whispering, "Sleep tight, Harry. I love you." With that she left the nursery, leaving the door open a crack.

Lily walked down the stairs. Everything seemed very nice. Not expensive-looking, just…homely. Upon entering the living room, she saw a man sitting on the couch reading a book. She smiled and tiptoed up behind him. Leaning in close to his ear, she whispered, "Boo."

The man started and snapped his head around. Lily found herself looking into the arcane hazel eyes of James Potter. "Lily! Merlin, you scared me."

Lily giggled and moved around the couch to sit next to him. "He's asleep. We're all alone…"

James raised an eyebrow and smiled mischievously. He leaned in and met Lily's lips with his. Lily pulled the book out of his hand and set it on the floor, and then placed her hand on James's cheek as he put an arm around her waist.

After a moment Lily suddenly pulled away and tensed. She was looking all around her. James furrowed his eyebrows in concern.

"What's wrong, love?"

"I think I heard something outside."

James sighed. "Lily, you needn't be so paranoid. We're completely safe."

Lily shook her head and looked back at him. "No, were not. Nothing's foolproof, James. I've had this eerie feeling all day, like something's just not right. He can still find us. He knows we've probably picked one of our friends or Dumbledore to be Secret-Keeper. Peter's not strong like you and Sirius. He's vulnerable and easily manipulated. What if he sells us out?"

James took her hands in his. "Don't worry, Lily. Peter would die before betraying us. You know that."

Lily stared at him in deep thought. She slowly started, "I've always wondered why you, Sirius, and Peter change into the animals you do. I've done research. Animagi transform either into the animal that best fits the wizards' characteristics, or an animal that forewarns something yet to come in the wizards' life. You're a stag meaning majestic and proud, which you are. Sirius is a dog because he's loyal, friendly, and always wanting attention. But he also looks like the Grim, which could mean death is yet to come. Peter's a rat, small, fat, and squeaky, but I also just figured out another reason. He's going to rat us out to –" Lily stopped and her eyes grew wide. "The back door just unlocked."

James looked at her warily. 'Paranoia's gone to her head'_, he thought. "I'll go check it out." _

As James left the living room, Lily stood and paced, wringing her hands and biting her lip. Suddenly James came sprinting back and grasped Lily's upper arms urgently.

"Lily, take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off –" James kissed Lily hard, as if it were the last time he would do so. Then he turned and hurried back off toward the kitchen.

Lily didn't need telling twice. Halfway up the stairs, Lily heard a door crash open and a high-pitched cackle of laughter. When she reached the nursery door, there was a distant 'thump', and more cackling.

'He's gone…'_ Lily was numb for a moment, and then remembered her duty. _'I have to save Harry. For James.'

She rushed into the room. Harry was already awake and standing with his hands on the rails of the crib. Lily picked him up and held him to her chest tightly.

"It's going to be okay, sweetheart. Mummy's not going to let the evil man hurt you."

The door to the nursery burst open unexpectedly and banged against the wall. Lily spun around and came face to face with a white-skinned, slit-nosed, red-eyed Voldemort.

"Not Harry, not Harry, please not Harry!" Lily instantly begged desperately.

"Stand aside, you silly girl! Stand aside, now!" Voldemort hissed.

"Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead!"

"You needn't die. It is only him I want."

"Not Harry! Please, have mercy! Have mercy!"

"I have no mercy." Voldemort raised his wand so that it was pointed straight at Lily's heart. "AVADA KEDAVRA!"

A jet of green light sailed toward Lily, and before she could even gasp, her world went black.

"Lily! Lily, wake up! Wake up! You're scaring me! Wake up!" Someone was shaking Lily roughly. Her eyes snapped open as she gasped and quickly sat up. Charlie was kneeling beside her next to the couch and had glistening tear streaks on her cheeks. Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall, clad in their nightwear, stood behind Charlie with white and terrified faces. And last but not least, behind them were the Marauders, wide-eyed and pale.

Lily studied her surroundings. She was back in the Gryffindor Common Room. Her breathing was ragged and heavy and she could feel cold sweat dripped down her forehead.

"Bloody Hell, Lily! What happened? Who's Harry? Who's going to kill you? You frightened me half to death!" Charlie put her face in her hands.

Dumbledore put a hand on Charlie's shoulder. "Calm yourself, Miss Simmons. Now, Lily, what went on in your nightmare?" he said calmly, excusing the fact that Charlie had swore.

Lily curled up into a ball, shivering. "It was _NO_ ordinary dream. It's couldn't have been. It was so very vivid and – and real."

"But what happened?"

Lily thought for a moment. Parts of the dream were steadily slipping from her mind.

"I – I was singing a baby, _my_ baby, to sleep. My baby boy, Harry. I put him in his crib, went downstairs, and talked to this man. I… I can't remember who he was or what he looked like… I think he was my husband or something… The back door unlocked and he went to go see what was up. He came back all panicky and told me to take Harry and run, that _he_ was there. So I went up the stairs and when I had just reached the door to the nursery, I heard a thump. I knew the man was dead. Then the laughter, I will never forget it. I hurried to the crib pulling Harry out and held him close. Suddenly _he_ was there, Voldemort. He told me stand aside, and I refused, pleading with him to kill me instead. And that's what he did." Lily shuddered and looked up. "What happened out here?" she asked Charlie.

"Well, about a half hour after you had nodded off, they" – Charlie jerked her head in the Marauder's direction – "came downstairs. You had just begun to stir and mumble. Then out of the blue you were crying, thrashing about and screaming. We couldn't wake you up, so we got the Professors. It was still fifteen minutes before you would wake. I've never been so terrified in my life!" Charlie burst into tears, her normal sturdy grip on her emotions broken. She threw her arms around Lily and clung to her like white on rice. "I – I didn't know w-what to d-do!"

Like Lily now. "Shhh… Char, I'm all right. Shhh…" She hugged Charlie reassuringly and patted her back.

"Are you? You're pale and shivering. You look ready to be sick," surprisingly Remus spoke up. He was the only Marauder that didn't take place in the teasing and such. He just looked on blankly.

Lily turned to him and forced a small smile. "I'm fine. Just shaken." She closed her eyes. "It was so real, so real."

"Well, now that it's over, I suggest you all retire for the evening. Goodnight," Professor McGonagall commanded briskly, leaving through the portrait hole quickly as if she couldn't be there any longer for fear of crying herself.

"I'd advise the same. Goodnight," agreed a collected Dumbledore. He was still staring at Lily in deep thought, and then a second later, he, too, left.

Charlie pulled away while Lily sighed and said, "I'll stay here. I just can't get that gruesome image of Voldemort out of my head."

Charlie nodded and sniffed. "Come up soon, though." Lily nodded. Charlie stood and disappeared up the girls' dormitory's steps.

_Great_, Lily thought. _Now I have no back up._

An awkward silence filled the common room. Lily pulled a blanket off the back of the couch and wrapped herself in it like a caterpillar in a cocoon.

"You sure you don't want me to make you a Pepper Up real fast?" Remus nervously broke the stillness.

Lily looked up at him and gave him a sad smile. "Yeah, I'm sure. Thanks, though."

Remus sighed. "Okay, I'm turning in then. You _sure_ you'll be all right?"

Lily furrowed her eyebrows. '_Why does he care so much all of a sudden?_' "What changed _your_ demeanor?"

Remus looked taken aback. "M-my – my demeanor?"

Lily looked at him incredulously. "Yeah! You go from hating my guts to waiting on me hand-and-foot, asking if I'm all right? That's not normal!"

Remus opened and closed his mouth like a fish out of water. "I – you – you scared us! You looked like you were having some sort of seizure! You may not be our _favorite_ person, but we don't want you hurt!"

Lily snorted. "Your _friend_ here didn't seem to have a problem with blasting me back ten feet earlier!" She glared at Potter. He looked at the floor with guilt. She raised her eyebrows. '_That's different…_'

"Well, maybe they don't necessarily, but I do!" Remus corrected.

Lily turned back to Remus skeptically. "You do?"

"Yes!"

Lily sighed again. "Look, I'm fine. Just… Just leave me alone."

Remus studied her for a second. Then he simply stalked past her and went up to his dorm. Sirius and Peter followed more aloofly, but Potter stayed where he was. Lily gazed into the fire blankly, wondering what he was waiting for.

"He was only concerned," he quietly spoke suddenly.

"I know," Lily replied in the same hushed voice.

"Then why did you brush him of so… rudely?" He was still in a civil tone.

"It caught me off guard, the concern did, that's all."

A moment of silence followed, then, "He does care you know," Potter said.

'_Is he trying to tell me something?_' Lily wondered. "I know." She looked up as he made his way to sit in the armchair Charlie had previously occupied.

"So… what do you think your dream, or nightmare, or whatever it was, means?" he inquired casually.

Lily watched him play with his thumbs. '_What's up with them? Why do they act like we've been best friends all along? Why are they pretending to give a damn? Ah, yes, it's a new prank. Get close to her and then trick her while she knows not. Of course._' "I don't know."

"For once," Potter muttered under his breath before he could stop himself.

Lily glared icily at him. "Excuse me?"

Potter seemed to realize what he had said. "I – I – I mean –"

"Whatever, Potter," Lily scowled. She got up from the couch. When she was at the foot of the stairs about to start up, he called.

"I'm sorry!"

Lily looked over her shoulder. "Yeah, that'll be the day."


	3. Within Lily

**Chapter 2:** _Within Lily_

The next time either group spoke to each other was a week later at lunch. Potter had been reaching across the table for the Pumpkin Juice, but accidentally spilt it all over Lily when he bumped it.

Lily gasped. "Potter!" she shrieked as she stood.

He looked like he was trying to suppress a chuckle. "Oops. Sorry, Evans."

Lily screamed in frustration. "Potter, you are a _BOIL_ on the _BUTT_ of _HUMANITY_!" She started to stomp out of the Great Hall.

Just as she pushed open the doors, he retorted, "And I'm _DARN_ PROUD of it!" with a hint of amusement in his voice. They could hear her screeching in anger as she went up to Gryffindor Tower to shower and change.

Days later, Lily was walking through the courtyard when she saw something that made her emerald eyes flash in annoyance.

There, out on the lawn, was Black and Potter, once again harassing Severus Snape. At the moment, it looked like the two Gryffindor males were just taunting the Slytherin, but Lily knew that if she didn't intervene soon, it would be much more.

She marched over and caught tidbits of what was being verbally exchanged.

" – greasy slimeball – "

" – typical, impulsive Gryffindor – "

" – Dark Arts obsessed git – "

Lily was close enough now to see Snape grin deviously, then spit, "_Mudblood lover_."

Potter went as rigid as a board and had his wand out without a second's hesitation. His eyes clouded over with so many emotions that Lily couldn't read them all. It left her kind of confused. Shouldn't he be laughing at such an absurd… joke? Why did he instead seem to be protecting something? His pride? His righteousness? His beliefs?

…Her?

No, that was stupid. Why would _Potter_, her mortal enemy, and she his, care for, or at least _respect_ her enough to _protect_ her?

"Say it again, Snivellous," Potter tested in that dangerously low voice of his.

"Mud – blood. Love – er," Snape pronounced slowly as if spelling a word.

"Scourgify! Clean out your mouth, Snape!" Potter yelled. Hot pink-colored bubbles started to come out of Snape's mouth, making him look rabid.

He started to spit it all out while choking the Jelly Legs Jinx. It hit Black and not Potter because Snape couldn't steady his hand since he was trying to keep from suffocating on suds.

Potter did the counter jinx on Black, and then said, "Locomotor Mortis!" Snape's legs snapped together and he fell forward. "Expelliarmus!" Snape's wand flew twenty feet out of his reach.

Lily snapped out of her confused daze. Snape was unarmed, mostly immobile, and foaming at the mouth. Not to mention it was two against one. She strode over to the scene, infuriated at its unfairness. Pushing Potter aside, she picked up Snape's wand, returned it to him, and applied all the necessary counter jinxes.

"I don't need a Mudblood's help," asserted Snape as he took his vertical stance.

"Well, that's just dandy and all, but it's not going to change the fact that I'll help you when you need it, whether you like it or not. So get over it," Lily vowed firmly. "Five points from Slytherin for fighting." She whipped around to face Potter and Black. "Ten points from Gryffindor for _starting_ the fight, and then continuing it." She waltzed up to look Potter in the eye. "I don't care _what_ he calls me. You can only fight _back_ for defense. You, of all people, should know that." She used her eyes to scan his form up and down. "Head Boy, indeed."

She side stepped him and was about to begin walking up to the castle to complain to Charlie when she heard Potter say, "It's okay. I'll just award ten points back to Gryffindor." He was speaking to Black, but he made sure he was loud enough for her to hear, too.

Lily spun around and stated, "Oh, no you won't!"

"Yes, I think I will."

"Well, you're thinking wrong, as usual! You deserve to have those points taken away!"

"Your going to take points from Gryffindor, your own house!"

"Fair is fair."

"Oh, yeah!"

"Yeah!" They were inches apart now; both had red tinted cheeks from anger. "Unlike you, just now with Snape! You immobilize and disarm him, and yet you were going to do something more while he was defenseless and as vulnerable as ever! Plus, it was two on one for crying out loud! How very much like a _SLYTHERIN_!" It came out of her mouth before she could stop it.

Silence. Potter was scrutinizing her, searching her eyes to see if she really meant what she said. She did to some extent, but now she wished she would have kept that comment in her head.

"Is that really what you think of me?" finally Potter questioned softly, almost sounding hurt.

Lily just swallowed hard and looked down, breaking his intense examination. Then, Potter just turned and walked away, Black following.

Taking a deep breath, Lily fell guilt flood through her. Knowing she looked like an idiot just standing there, she slowly made her way back up to Gryffindor Tower. Upon entering the common room, she saw the Marauders talking with hushed voices in a corner and Charlie resting on the couch, flipping through her latest _Witch Weekly_. Lily sauntered over and dropped at Charlie's feet, groaning.

"What'd you do now?" Charlie inquired without even looking up.

"I think I went to far with the insults, although it was slightly true," Lily revealed. Charlie didn't say anything, waiting for her to continue. "I… I said he was no better than a Slytherin."

"You WHAT!" Charlie instantly bellowed, standing up in front of Lily with an appalled look, attracting glances from the other occupants of the room.

"I didn't mean to! It slipped!" Lily defended.

"SLYTHERIN! THAT'S LOW, LILLIANA BRIELLE EVANS! NO ONE EXCEPT SLYTHERINS DESERVE TO BE CALLED SLYTHERINS, YOU RIGHTEOUS PRAT! SLIP OF THE TONGUE MY ASS!" Charlie chucked her magazine at Lily and Lily ducked quickly from Quidditch reflexes. Lily didn't know Charlie would take it so badly, to her it wasn't that big of a deal. "APOLIGIZE! ENEMY OR NO, APOLIGIZE, LILLIANA!" Charlie pointed to Potter, who had been watching the scene with a mixture of curiosity and surprise.

"You can't tell me what to do!" Lily argued, standing as well.

"I'm not telling you what to do, I'm telling you what you _need_ to do!"

"I'll decide for _myself_, thanks!"

"Sometimes I wonder if you can! You can build up your immune system, defenses, and walls, Lily, but I will always be able to see straight through them! I'm your best friend, and I'm supposed to help guide you down the right path, but how can I do that if you're the most stubborn _git_ on earth and won't let me?"

"I don't know! _I_ don't even know how to help _myself_! Ever since I got my Hogwarts letter, I've been determined to be nothing less than the best because once I was told of how degraded Mudblood filth like me were, I knew I had to shove it in their conceited mugs! I knew I had to be different, had to show them all what Mudbloods can really do! I felt I needed to set an example, so other worthless Mudbloods like me had someone to look up to! But you know what? That's been kind of hard, having to dodge the prejudiced Slytherins! I do the very best I can to ignore them, rationalizing with myself that they just don't know me, but with it happening day after day, sometimes I wonder if they're right! Maybe I should just pack up and go home, seeing as everyone thinks I'm a stressed, stuck-up, snobbish know-it-all that needs to lighten up! All I'm trying to do is the right thing, and I appear to be the only one doing so! Then there's Potter, strutting about like he's the king of the world, hexing those he thinks are lower than him, and always, ALWAYS, acting as if everyone should bow down and kiss the hem of his bloody robes! I think Dumbledore must have been high when he placed Potter as Head Boy, I mean, honestly, I couldn't have thought of anyone more incompetent for the job! He's just an added bonus to my daily struggles, AND I'M TIRED OF IT ALL! JUST LEAVE ME THE _HELL_ ALONE!"

Every single Gryffindor had come down to see what the commotion was when Charlie had started screaming, so every last Gryffindor had heard Lily's exclamation, and they were speechless, just standing there, gaping as she slapped them in the face with her inner battle of emotions. Lily ran from the common room and out the portrait hole. Potter followed instantaneously.

Down many flights of stairs, across the Entrance Hall, and out the door, Lily gasped when the cold October air slapped her face. But it didn't stop her. She ran to the old Beech Tree by the lake.

Once there, she kicked the tree with all of her might, making her toe throb.

Why did everything have to be so hard in her life? When she had burst and said all of those things, she'd been subconsciously surprised at the words coming out of her own mouth. Never had she thought that she should just give up. At that moment though, everything seemed to have built up to the summit of her tolerance.

But now… Now she realized her options. She could stay in the Wizarding World, where she would constantly have to prove herself and avoid the prejudice. Or she could return to the Muggle World, where she had grown up and had learned the basics that had gotten her to where she was today.

If she did go back to the Muggle World, she would be throwing away all she has been taught these six to six and a half years. And if she stayed, she had expectations to meet, and honestly, she was getting tired of trying to live up to the high standards.

"Lily?"

"As soon as possible," Lily murmured. She didn't register who was behind her because she wasn't used to that deep voice addressing her by her first name.

"What?"

She automatically clarified, "I'm returning as soon as possible." She still had not analyzed the presence behind her.

With a short nod to herself, she turned around – and ran smack dab into someone's chest.

As she stumbled backwards, two hands gently grabbed her arms to steady her. Regaining her composure, she looked up into James Potter's curious face.

"What are you returning to as soon as possible?" he pressed.

Blinking a couple times, not having realized she'd spoken aloud, Lily found herself wondering why he gave a damn.

"What do you care?" She pushed him aside and started walking up to the castle.

"What are you returning to as soon as possible?" he repeated, following her.

Lily wrapped her arms around herself trying to keep warm. "Not that it's any of your business, I've decided to go home. For good," she said with a tone of finality.

"To the Muggle world?"

"Yes, to the Muggle world," she confirmed, rolling her eyes and starting to lose patience.

"Why?"

Lily glanced over her shoulder at him with a look of slight bewilderment. "What do you care?" she snapped again.

There was a pause, then he accused, "You're giving up." There was challenge in his statement. He meant to egg her on.

"I am _not_ giving up," she replied firmly.

"Then why are you going back?"

"Because that's where I belong."

"If that's where you belong, then why aren't you there now?"

He was pushing her buttons – the correct ones. But how would Potter know what ticked her off? He surely didn't pay _that_ much attention to her. He was testing her, trying to get her to admit to him what he knew was the truth.

Lily was unable to find an answer to that question, so she just kept walking.

Suddenly, she felt a hand grab her arm gently and turn her around.

"I think you're making a mistake." Potter's face was set with determination. Probably to make her see sense.

Lily felt annoyance lick her insides like fire. "I don't _care_ what you think. I didn't ask your opinion." She ripped her arm from his grasp, and continued her way up to the school.

"You can't just throw in the towel when you've come so far already," he tried to reason with her. But if Lily was anything, it was stubborn.

Not turning around to face him, she started to shake her head. "Once again, you're not listening. I said I _don't care_. I don't care about what I could be throwing away. I don't care about what I could be giving up. And I especially _don't care_ what _you_ think. You're nothing to me."

"Come _on_, Lily, you're making a rash decision based on stress."

She lost her footing going up a staircase for a moment because he had used her first name. Slightly yawed, she replied, "What does it matter? Nobody wants me here anyway."

"That's not true!" he insisted immediately. When she gave him an expectant glance telling him to continue, he looked at the ground, hoping she wouldn't catch the faint pinkish tinge on his cheeks. "I mean, Charlie needs you here. And… And the Professors definitely want to see you finish out the year. And…and… What about the Head Girl position?"

"They'd find someone to replace me to complete the year," she supplied.

A pause. Lily could almost hear the wheels turning in his mind as he thought. "What about the team? What if we need to play for the Quidditch Cup? The team's not whole without you, and the seeker is the most important player!"

"I'm sure you could find another." He fell into step with her, even when she quickened her pace as they approached the Fat Lady. But before she could give the password, Potter stepped in front of her, blocking her way.

"I think you're making a mistake," he said once more.

Lily sighed, irritated. "We've already been over this. I don't care what you think, and besides, who are you to believe you know what is and isn't good for me? Move." He didn't budge, so she roughly pushed him aside for the second time that day. "Hexagon," she told the Fat Lady.

As she was stepping through the portrait hole, she heard him persist, "Think about it, Lily. _Think_ about it."

_Bite me_, she thought.

Later that night, around 12:30, Lily climbed out of bed. As a spring groaned, she winced and glanced at her roommates. No one stirred, not even Charlie's cat.

She couldn't sleep. Under the covers, she would get too hot, so she would kick them off, but then she would get too cold, so she would pull them back on, and the process repeated.

Quietly as she could, she grabbed the latest romance novel off of her nightstand and left for the common room. Flinching as the warm flesh of her feet made contact with the freezing stone floor, Lily descended the girls' dormitory staircase. Thankfully finding no one in the common room, she walked over to the fire, restarted it, and relaxed on the couch reading her book.

Not five minutes later, she heard footfalls on the stairs. Turning to look over the back of the couch to see who it was, Charlie came into view. She nervously sat on the end of the couch where Lily's feet laid.

Shyly looking at her hands that rested in her lap, Charlie said, "I heard you come down… I – I wanted to apologize for overreacting earlier." Lily just stared at her, not exactly knowing what to say.

Charlie sighed and glanced up at her. "I guess… We're in seventh year; I really want to leave on a good note with everyone. I'm sick and tired of bickering with the Marauders. I want to just give it up, but if you don't agree and would stop being my friend, then it isn't worth it. I'd much rather yell at the Marauders with you by my side any day. This fighting is childish."

Lily stiffened. "Are you calling me immature?"

Charlie looked at her alarmed. "No! I'm just saying that I've noticed _both_ groups are being naïve. It's a waste of time. So, what do you say we play the grown ups and wave the white flag?" She finished with a small smile.

Lily couldn't help but show her own. "You're right, it's all so stupid. You're forgiven for overreacting before, but you're lucky I dodged that magazine, or else you'd be in a world of trouble," she joked. Charlie squealed in relief and the two friends of six and a half years embraced.

When they detached, Lily had a mischievous smirk on her lips. "So, breakfast, Operation: 'Show Up The Marauders' is in action?"

Charlie laughed. "It isn't so much a mission, but a goal." She frowned. "Are those the same things?"

Lily answered, "No, the mission is what you have to do to _achieve_ the goal. That's the hard part." Charlie yawned as she nodded. "Let's go up to bed."

As they walked to the stairs, Charlie stopped abruptly. "Wait, I have the _perfect_ prank we could pull on them." She turned to Lily with a raised eyebrow. "Before we make amends, do you want to give them a taste of their own medicine?" Lily nodded eagerly, a smile on her face that made her look like Christmas came early.

"'Kay, let's go get the necessities."

The next morning Lily and Charlie went down to breakfast extra early, looking like they had won the lottery. Sitting close to the Great Hall doors so they had good view of the entertainment, the girls started eating the waffles and eggs they had put on their plates.

Many more students and nearly all of the teachers had come down to breakfast on this Sunday morning by the time Lily and Charlie were on their second waffle. Fifteen minutes after they had started eating, the girls turned their heads as the doors to the Great Hall opened and in came the four livid-looking boys they had been waiting for.

But they weren't boys. Lupin's light brown hair had grown shoulder length, light blue eye shadow accented his aqua eyes, mascara had been applied to his eyelashes, and to top it off, his lips were a pale pink.

Pettigrew had waves of blonde hair flowing down his back and a pink bow had been placed on top. His chestnut eyes were encircled in pastel pink eye shadow, and lips were pink like Lupin's.

Potter's now long, sleek coal-colored hair had been swept back in a French braid. Long, black eyelashes fluttered amidst red eye shadow and his lips were bright red like ripe strawberries.

Black was by far the most exquisite. His jet-black hair had been dyed hot, shiny pink and was in ringlets around his face. His lips had been enlarged and colored black. Massive amounts of black eyeliner and mascara made it so his pale grey eyes stood out dramatically.

Ignoring the hysterical laughter and jeers, the boys sat down across from Lily and Charlie and glared at them without blinking.

Lily smiled at them pleasently and said, "I didn't know the circus came to Hogwarts. Will you four be performing?" She turned to Charlie. "We'll have to go see them sometime."

"Ha ha," Black said sarcastically. "What did you two do to us?"

"Just a few good spells. You don't think I'm the best at charms for nothing, do you? Besides, I think you guys make very pretty girls," Lily replied.

"Take it off, now," Black commanded through gritted teeth.

"Sounds like _some_one's PMSing, Lils," said Charlie. "Maybe we should take her to Pomfrey to get a potion for cramps."

"Take it off, dammit!" This time Pettigrew shouted. He was tugging at his bow trying to get it off.

"What goes around comes around, boys," Lily told them. "We have a proposition to make. We're growing weary of quarreling with you, and we want to put the past behind us. Truce?" The two girls stuck out their hands.

Charlie added, "It's the only way we'll take off charms." Sirius instantly shook their outstretched hands after she said that, followed by Peter. Remus was a little more calm, and James eyed their hands suspiciously before shaking them.

"Okay, the make up," Sirius prompted.

Lily exchanged a glance with Charlie, mischievous smirks forming on their lips. All of a sudden they jumped out of their seats and sprinted out of the hall while calling over their shoulders, "You'll have to catch us first!"


	4. Going To Visit His Mum

**Chapter 3:** _Going to Visit His Mum_

Lily and Charlie did eventually change the boys' features back to their original state.

Lily was finding herself really very surprised at how friendly the boys could be when they weren't performing their foolish antics. Sirius had started making sexual innuendos towards her, but everyone knew he was joking.

Wednesday night found Lily, Charlie, and the Marauders sitting at a round table in the common room just after dinner doing the Herbology homework due the next day. Just as they were going over the history of how Redwood trees came to grow as tall as they did (an engorgement charm out of control), Remus abruptly stood. Lily had noticed he'd been looking worse for the wear.

"I have to go," he informed them. "See you later."

But, as usual, Lily wanted to know _why_. "Where are you going?" she asked as he walked to the portrait hole.

Turning around, Remus glanced urgently out the window. "To… To visit my mum. She's really sick and Dumbledore's letting me go see her."

_Yeah, right_, Lily thought. She was no moron. But, deciding to stay out of his business, she gave him the benefit of the doubt. She nodded her head slowly with her eyes narrowed, trying to let him know she didn't believe him at all. Remus seemed to not take the hint though, because he scrambled from the common room.

Sighing as she turned back to her homework, Lily wondered if his friends could explain. She leaned forward and asked in a hushed voice, "So what is he _really_ doing? Is he meeting a girl and doesn't want me to get him in trouble? He couldn't have honestly thought I would buy that lame 'visiting my sick mother' alibi."

Sirius and James' faces held a firm reserve, but Peter's left eye started to twitch. None of them looked up from their books. Charlie had taken up interest and had leaned forward, too, her chocolate brown eyes darting from James to Sirius expectantly.

"What do you mean? Of course he's going to visit his mum, what else?" Sirius said impassively.

"Dung. Why are you lying to us?" Charlie demanded quietly. "If this whole friendship thing is going to work out, we can't be so secretive."

"Who said anything about lying? Seriously, he's going to visit his mum," James insisted, burying his face in his book.

As Lily was preparing to retort, she caught sight of something out of the window next to their table. Someone was walking toward the Whomping Willow. Squinting, trying to see who it was through the darkness, she could make out a white matron's uniform. But what would Madam Pomfrey be doing by the violent tree this late at night? Something wasn't right with this picture.

"Erm… I'm going to go take a shower and head to bed," Lily lied as she shut her book and shoved her notes into her schoolbag. She was going to get to the bottom of this. Charlie grunted, still scrutinizing the boys that were desperately avoiding eye contact.

Quickly dropping her bag off in her dormitory and grabbing her cloak, Lily made sure no one had seen her slip out of Gryffindor Tower. Jogging down the many staircases to the Entrance Hall, she was trying to be as deft as possible. She threw open the doors, covering the ground within ten feet in yellow light. When the doors shut though, Lily had to blink a few times to get her eyes adjusted to the darkness. She ran in the direction of the Whomping Willow.

When she had reached the tree, realization hit her. How in the world was she supposed to get past the defensive branches? Should she throw something at it? No, that would only infuriate it. She groped around in the pockets of her robes. Damn, she had forgotten to bring her wand in her haste to solve the mystery.

Just then, Lily heard rushed footsteps coming from the depths of the tree. Searching her surroundings wildly for something that would hide her so she wouldn't get caught, she dove behind a nearby bush. Peeking through the frazzled twigs, she saw the Madam Pomfrey emerge from within the tree. But before she had fully emerged, she poked a root on the tree. It froze.

Lily was amazed that that's all one had to do to make the tree come to a halt. She watched Madam Pomfrey climb out and bustle back up to the school. Not wanting to waste her chance, Lily darted from the bush over to the tree.

"Where --?" she asked herself as she looked for the passage the nurse had used to get into and out of the Whomping Willow. She was starting to panic that the tree would come back to life when she spotted a hole off to the side. She jumped in.

A rough dirt floor was her landing cushion. As Lily made to stand up, she bumped her head on the ceiling of the tunnel. It was dark and she couldn't see the end of it. The logical part of her mind was telling her to go back, that it wasn't safe, but the more curious, adventurous half was saying she should finish out her trek. Not one to pass up a good mystery, Lily gave in to the venturesome side.

The tunnel went on and on, but soon she could see thin lines of light from above and looked up. There was trap door. She pushed it open and pulled herself up. Upon entering a room, her nervousness increased ten-fold. Wooden chairs had chunks ripped out of them and the lone couch was slashed into sheds, stuffing coming out. The rotten floor had claw marks scratched into its surface and the windows were boarded up. Lily registered the fact that she was inside the Shrieking Shack. But as she scanned the room once more, she couldn't help but think, _Ghosts couldn't do that._

_Creak…_

_Ghosts couldn't do that either._

Lily's eyes doubled in size as she comprehended that something on the floor above had moved. In fact, if she listened closely, she could here a very low growl coming from way up yonder, also. Instinct kicked in and screamed for her to get out of there. She didn't need further chiding to pay heed to sense.

As silently but quickly as she could, Lily slipped down through the trap door, failing to remember to close it, and retraced the path she had taken in the tunnel with fast-paced footsteps.

After a while though, the hair on the back of her neck tingled and an eerie shiver made its way down her spine as Lily's intuition warned that she was not alone. This caused her to break into a run.

When she reached the end of the tunnel, she swore she could hear the Hallelujah chorus singing in the distance. Pulling herself out of the gap between roots, Lily ducked just in time to avoid a branch that had swung at her. The Whomping Willow had returned to its fierce state. Trying to figure out which root to prod, Lily's ears pricked up and she felt her stomach take a low, burning dip into her abdomen as she heard an unmistakable gnarl behind her. Slowly turning her head around, a full-grown werewolf made its way into her line of vision.

She twisted back around hastily and started pounding on roots, her breathing rate frantically increased. Luckily, it didn't take long for her fist to find the right root. The branches ceased their harsh slashes in the air and Lily bolted out of the tunnel entrance. She heard the werewolf follow her as she started sprinting for the castle.

All of a sudden she tripped and landed on her back on the ground. Just as she was picking herself up, the werewolf pounced and landed on top of her. It was skin and bones with hair sticking out of its flesh. Its lip was curled over large, sharp teeth. The claws attached to its paws were drawing vast amounts of blood from Lily's shoulders as they dug into her, holding her down.

The werewolf cocked its head up and let out a long, high howl at the bright full moon shining down upon them. Just as it seemed like it was about to bite her, Lily gasped as a black blur leapt over her and onto the werewolf. The two beasts started brawling, rolling around on the dead grass and Lily saw that the black thing was actually a big, shaggy dog.

Unexpectedly, she felt something gently nudge her in the side. Turning her head, she came face to face with a stag, and a gorgeous one at that. It had hazel eyes and a slick coat of light brown fur. It nudged her again with a meaningful glance at the dog and werewolf. Lily slowly started to hoist herself up and sharply took a breath while squeezing her eyes shut at the almost unbearable pain in her shoulders.

When she was finally standing and about to make a break for the castle, something very heavy was thrown into her, forcefully smashing her back onto the ground. She screamed as a searing pain shot up her arm when a bone in her wrist split apart. The breath was getting knocked out of her over and over again by being pushed numerous times into the ground. On a very strong push, she felt a rib break as she was thrust into the dirt. Lily's mind eventually realized that somehow the squabble between the dog and the werewolf had set itself atop her.

In a split second, Lily cried out in pain as something very sharp sliced her side. A moment later, the stag's antlers flung the dog and werewolf off of her. The dog composed itself from the blow and aided the stag as they chased the werewolf into the Forbidden Forest.

Lily was clutching her side as blood oozed through her fingers. Tears of utmost agony spilling from her eyes, she gradually turned over onto her stomach and tried to crawl to the stairs that led into the school.

But only after a few steps, Lily collapsed to the ground. The gash in her side was bleeding too rapidly, and she was weakening. Flipping over onto her back, she could distantly hear footfalls coming closer. As the corners of her eyes faded into darkness, a voice that shook with fear and sounded miles away rang in her ears.

"Lily… Lily, can you hear me?"

Another voice, sounding worried and panting slightly, joined it, "Do you think that's a bite from Moony or me?"

"I can't tell. They both look so much alike. Lily, hold on, we're taking you to the hospital."

Lily went numb.


	5. Marauders Tell All

**Chapter 4:** _Marauders Tell All_

Lily opened her eyes. Sunlight was barely starting to stream though the windows of the infirmary.

Attempting to take a deep breath, she winced at the sudden pain in her chest. She tried to sit up, but that proved difficult, for her left arm was in a sling, and she had so many bandages wrapped around her waist she couldn't bend easily.

The bite.

Lily's widened her eyes at the memory. Was she a werewolf now? Will she be cursed for the rest of her life? She began to cry due to shock and disbelief. Why did she go nosing around in other people's business? WHY! Why did she need to know _everything?_

But then, who was the werewolf? Why was it in the Shrieking Shack? It couldn't be… Remus… Could it?

Lily snapped her head to the doors of the hospital wing as they opened. Madam Pomfrey entered, Remus floating in the air ahead of her. She laid him on the bed next to Lily's.

The nurse glanced at her and said, "I'll be with you shortly."

Lily took a good look at the unconscious Remus. He had lacerations everywhere—on his face, arms, chest, and legs. His clothes were ripped in several places, appearing irredeemable.

Is that what she'll start looking like once a month, too? Cut and bruised to no end?

Unexpectedly, the infirmary's doors burst open and James, Sirius, Peter, and Charlie hurried in. All looked overwhelmed with worry and concern.

Charlie rushed over, scanning Lily with wide eyes. "What happened to you?" she breathed.  
She perched on the edge of Lily's bed and lightly traced the minor scratches on Lily's face. "I thought you had gone to bed…" Looking away, she seemed to need a moment to collect herself.

It wasn't often that Lily got hurt like this—or at all, for that matter. She's usually one to take precaution and tip toe into things, not charge headfirst and hope for the best with the outcome. When she would occasionally get sick with a cold or something, she made sure to be rid of right ASAP, so she could get back to her priorities.

Lily wouldn't make eye contact with anybody. Now that she was a werewolf, she didn't feel stellar enough to be in her friend's presence any longer. They surely would think her an outcast, to have done something so stupid and come out contaminated with a monthly affliction.

She figured the sooner they knew the truth, the better. Why go on lying? What good would come of that? Gazing at the very interesting pattern of threading on the sheets, Lily quietly spoke. "Charlie, let me explain." She started to take a deep breath, but a stab of pain in her ribs cut that off. Swallowing hard in order to moisten her suddenly dry mouth, Lily plunged on. "Last night I lied to you. I went to snoop into business that wasn't my own. And now… I'm…" _Out with it woman!_ "I'm a werewolf."

Dead silence. Quick, shallow breathes filled Lily's lungs as she awaited the inevitable rejection. But it didn't come. Why wasn't everyone in a disgusted uproar? Had they not heard her? Not understood her?

"Werewolf?" Madam Pomfrey's confusion made Lily jump and look up to where the aging woman had momentarily abandoned her other patient and was staring at her. "What gave you that idea?"

Lily gaped. How could the nurse not know, having to have had to mend the bite? "I—the bite—"

"Was not brought about by a werewolf, you can be sure of that. But I can't deny that it wasn't one of the worst incisions I've ever had to handle. Quite a nasty thing, it was. Whatever gave you the idea it was from a werewolf?" The nurse felt Lily's forehead. "Maybe a fever is getting to you. You do feel a bit warm."

_Because I'm blushing like a ripe tomato in September,_ Lily thought.

Madam Pomfrey turned to James, Sirius, Peter, and Charlie. She waved her hands at them while saying, "Out with you! I have patients that need rest! Out!"

Lily bit her lip and closed her eyes so she wouldn't have to see the perplexed expressions on her friends' faces as they exited the infirmary. Oh, that was humiliating. Now their curiosity has only been aroused more. She will never hear the end of it, that's for certain.

Madam Pomfrey had redressed Lily's middle and given her a potion to help the rib, otherwise she had already healed everything. Then she had demanded Lily take a potion for her fever (She didn't really have one!), followed by a Dreamless Sleep Draught.

She awoke to frustrated grunts. She stared around blearily, collecting her bearings, until her gaze landed on Remus. He was trying to sit up, but seemed to be in such pain yet he was failing. Lily watched him for a moment, waiting for the effects of the draught to wear off.

"Don't worry," she finally said. Remus looked at her startled. He mustn't have noticed her there. "I can't sit up either."

With a sigh, Remus flopped back down onto the bed and stared at the ceiling. After a few minutes, he asked, "What are you doing here?"

It was Lily's turn to sigh. "It's a _very_ long story. Seriously."

"I'm not in a hurry, you?"

"Fine." Lily took as deep a breath she could in her current condition. She couldn't help but feel awkward saying this to the main character of her story.

"Well, you see, after you had left, I was looking out the window and saw Madam Pomfrey walking towards the Whomping Willow. Curiosity got the better of me, unfortunately. I followed her there and once she was back inside the castle I made my way into the tunnel beneath the Whomping Willow. It led to the Shrieking Shack. I left straight away because—" Should she save him the guilt? Even though he'd probably figured out where her story was leading, Lily could at least spare him as much as she could.

"—It crept me out. But once I got to the end of the tunnel and was just climbing out, I realized I was being followed by—" She cut herself off again. Taking a breath and speaking considerably quieter, she continued. "A werewolf."

Remus started breathing quickly and sharply. Lily decided to leave off there, but he persisted. "Then what?" he croaked.

_Okay, but told me to finish._ "It attacked me. But just as it was about to bite me, a dog came out of nowhere and wrestled the werewolf. They ended up on top of me eventually, and the dog took a nice chunk out of my side. Then a stag came and it and the dog chased the werewolf into the Forbidden Forest. I don't remember much after that."

Should she ask him if he was the werewolf? Lily took a glance at him. Remus' eyes were wide but still staring at the ceiling. He seemed very uneasy, and that only led Lily's suspicions closer to being confirmed. But before she could open her mouth, she was surprised to here him speak.

"I'm so, _so_ sorry, Lily. I didn't mean to hurt you, I really didn't. I don't have any control over it, none," he admitted quickly.

"Remus—"

"I was only a little boy, Lily. I had known not to go near the woods, but wonder got the better of me. There's no cure, nothing can help me. You have to understand, Lily. I am so sorry. I—"

"Remus!" Lily cut him off. She felt so sorry for him. He seemed desperate to plead innocence, but Lily already knew he didn't want to be a werewolf. He was forced to be one, and there wasn't anything to help him. "I know it wasn't _your_ fault. I forgive you. I'm here, I'm—well, _getting_ healthy. What's done is done. I kind of figured you were a werewolf. I don't like you any less, Remus."

No noise was made for several moments. Then, hesitantly, Remus asked, "Really?"

Lily wished she could hug him right now, but she couldn't even turn onto her side to look at him. She wasn't angry with him in the slightest. If anything, she was sad for him. She didn't know how he could remain stable when human. He needed friends more than anybody, just to give him support. Lily has a whole new respect for James, Sirius, and Peter. "Really."

At that moment there was a knock on the big wooden doors of the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey bustled out of her office and greeted the visitors. From what Lily could hear, Charlie and the other three Marauders wanted to come and visit. After some debating, the matron gave in and decided on a half hour, then migrated back to her office.

Lily turned her head away as Charlie sat on the edge of her bed and the boys pulled up chairs between Lily and Remus' beds. They chatted with him quietly and Charlie heaved Lily's book bag onto her bed.

"There's your homework. We have an essay for Transfiguration, but that's pretty much it. I can't believe you carry around all these books everyday," she said. When Lily didn't return her gaze, she patiently commanded, "Lily, look at me."

Reluctantly, Lily complied. Charlie scrutinized her for a moment, something she was very good at. "What happened?"

Lily knew she couldn't hide it forever, especially not from Charlie. As ashamed as she felt, she retold her story to her best friend. Charlie's eyes grew large, but other than that she hid all emotions on her face. Lily didn't tell her who the werewolf was. That was something Remus had to agree with first.

As Charlie took in the information, she cast a questioning gander at Remus before asking, "What happened to you?"

Instead of Remus answering, James took a deep breath and said, "Well, there's a lot to this side of the story." He paused and looked at Remus, who gave him a stiff nod. With a glance at Madam Pomfrey's closed office, he began.

"First of all, Charlie, Remus is a werewolf." Charlie's mouth dropped open a bit. "And yes, he attacked Lily. When he was little, his dad had done or said something to upset a man named Fenrir Greyback. Greyback just happened to be a werewolf, and in order to get back at Mr. Lupin, he lured Remus in to the woods behind his house and bit him. Mr. and Mrs. Lupin tried everything they could to help him, but there's no cure." James smirked and caught Sirius' eye. "That was until he met us."

Now Lily was confused and wary. What on earth could they, mere eleven year olds, have done that the most experienced and highly educated witches and wizards couldn't?

James continued. "We—Sirius, Peter, and I—discovered Remus' secret at the end of first year. We vowed to find some way to help him out. We searched high and low, and many may think that we've never stepped foot into the library, but that's practically where we lived.

"Eventually we did find that only one thing could at least _calm_ werewolves. So, Sirius, Peter, and I… became Animagi."

Lily instantly pounced at them. "What! That's extremely dangerous and you could have really done serious—not pun intended—damage to yourselves! There are only a handful of people in the world that can do that! I've checked the lists at the ministry when McGonagall discussed them in class, and not one of you was registered! If you were Animagi, you'd have to get permission—"

James cut her off. "If you wanted to do it legally."

Lily just stared at him as best she could and gaped.

He carried on, his eyes not leaving Lily's. "We did it in secret, not even Dumbledore knew, and he still doesn't. We finished by fifth year. Peter's a rat, Sirius is a dog, and I'm a stag."

Lily blinked in surprise. So the dog and the stag from the night before were actually Sirius and James? They rescued her? _Wow._

"We made nicknames for ourselves: Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs. Every full moon, we would wait until Pomfrey came back, then we would join Remus. It took a while for him to get used to us, but soon we were leaving the Shrieking Shack and roaming the school, grounds, Hogsmeade, and the Forbidden Forest."

Lily was horrified. "What?" she snapped again in disbelief. "You led him away from confinement? Don't you realize what could have happened? I'm not so much worried about one of you three getting hurt, but what if it was somebody else? What if it was somebody that had nothing to do with any of it? Remus would be exposed, as well as the fact that you three had made a major violation to the law! You could be sent to Azkaban and Dumbledore would be forever ashamed and disappointed in all of you!"

"I worry about that every day," Remus suddenly croaked.

"Well, obviously you don't worry about it enough!"

"Lily," James said in a warning tone.

Lily growled deep in her throat and glared at him. She turned her head the other way.

She heard James sigh. "Well, you both know now. Remus, Sirius, Peter, and I are trusting you not to tell _anybody_." Lily could feel his eyes on her as he emphasized the last word. "If you do, well, Lily explained he consequences well enough."

Madam Pomfrey burst out of her office. "Time's up! My patients need to eat dinner and rest! Out!"

James, Sirius, and Peter all said goodbye to Remus while Charlie took a deep breath and promised she'd be back in the morning.

Later that night, Lily lie awake, staring out the window that was right across from her bed. She could hear Remus' steady breathing, indicating he had fallen asleep. Madam Pomfrey had gone to bed as well, just after she checked over Lily and Remus once more. Both would have to stay through the weekend, meaning they wouldn't be able to go on the Halloween Hogsmeade trip. This really bothered Lily; she was going to start buying Christmas presents.

Reflecting, Lily thought how just four days ago she and Charlie had decided to try to befriend the troublesome four. In class they would sit around each other, although Lily and Charlie had to move closer to the back because the boys, namely James and Sirius, wouldn't go anywhere near the front. She grinned at the memory of how terrified their faces had looked at the prospect of having to sit closer to the teacher.

She wondered if they could make this work. It was just the four boys that were included in their group of friends, but now Charlie and Lily had been added. The four would just kind of shut everyone out, like all they needed was each other.

Lily had her circle of close friends, but Charlie was her best friend.

Charlie's short brown hair fans away from her face and her chocolate brown eyes could make you squirm if held under their gaze long enough. They always seemed to be able to see straight through you, able to read your soul and emotions like a book. Sometimes Lily would question whether Charlie was a Legilimens, but Charlie would just laugh and say, "Some things you can do without being taught how to magically."

Charlie was acting different lately. Charlie was always one to be outspoken, telling you exactly what was on her mind. Despite Lily's influence, Charlie has gotten into a few good scuffles and proudly come out the winner. She'd had her share of detentions, but nothing compared to James and Sirius. Surprisingly to Lily, Charlie was deathly afraid of heights. Opposing her Tomboy attitude, she would not have anything to do with Quidditch.

But lately Charlie's been more subdued. Lily had caught her spacing off in class, but when asked what was wrong, Charlie wouldn't say a thing. Of course Lily realized she had no business pressing the matter, for she hadn't told Charlie she was planning on leaving next spring yet either.

Lily was brought out of her thoughts by the hospital wing doors opening slightly, and then shutting. In the dark she couldn't see, but she heard quiet and slow footsteps make their way over to her bed. When he was close enough, she saw vaguely that the visitor was James. He sat on the floor next to her bed. Lily could tell he would be here for a while otherwise he would have kneeled.

"Hey," he greeted. Lily turned her head away. She was still miffed about earlier. He sighed. "I know you don't think we made the right decision by becoming Animagi." Lily grunted her agreement. "Could you at least look at me?"

"We may have called a truce, James, but that doesn't mean I have to like you right now," Lily said quietly, but she turned her head nevertheless.

"I know." He paused, and then continued, "We worked so hard on it, Lily. Sirius and I, every spare minute we got we used it to work on transfiguring ourselves. We had to help Peter. He makes up for his thick-headedness with his loyalty. He's a good guy; people just don't give him a chance to show it. Anyway, like I said, we poured over books that would aid us in our progress. Remus was always so down and out, and we really wanted to show him that he wasn't so different. It bothered me that he had the idea he would never have life at all. No girls would date him. I felt like it was my duty as his friend to make him feel more… I don't know, worth it."

The entire time he was saying this he stared at his hands that played with the material on the bed. He seemed embarrassed but determined to say this, to convince her he wasn't stupid.

"When we're transformed… I can't even _begin_ to express how it feels. It's like… the whole world disappears, and all of your stresses and worries just fade away. You feel reborn… kind of like a baby phoenix on its burning day. You're still you… just not _you_. For that one night a month, you feel like you just… exist. And for Remus, he feels closer to us, closer to being normal."

He looked up at Lily, and she could see it was hard for him to delve into his deepest emotions and try to put them into words for her. His hazel eyes bored into her emerald ones, looking for a trace of understanding. Suddenly he reached out and grabbed her hand.

"Maybe we're idiots, but we have the best intentions at heart. We wanted to do something good for someone, make them fit in. That's why we did it, and that's why we continue to do it. Please believe me, Lily." He gave her hand a gentle squeeze of desperation.

Inwardly, Lily was caught dumb with shock by how heartfelt James was for his friends. It was so uncharacteristic, nothing like him. She wondered why he felt he needed to prove to her that he wasn't some narrow-minded prat. To keep on her good side? Maybe. Maybe he wanted to make sure that the friendship they had been developing didn't crumble to ash.

She squeezed back and whispered, "I believe you. I don't approve, but I believe you."

James smiled in relief and leaned forward, then stopped and blinked. Straightening, he sighed, gave her hand one more squeeze, and then let go. He stood, appearing distracted, and started to walk away.

"Goodnight, James," Lily called softly.

He paused mid-step. Looking over his shoulder, he replied, "'Night, Lily." His voice was low and tinged with intimacy, sending a chill up Lily's spine.

That night she slept restlessly, her dreams invaded with scenarios of _almost_ kissing James Potter.


	6. Charlie's Demeanor

**Chapter 5:** _Charlie's Demeanor_

Lily and Remus were able to go to class the following Monday. Lucky for Lily, besides the new essay in Transfiguration, she had done all of her homework before hand.

She hadn't dwelled on the near kiss with James. It didn't happen, so why worry about it? But she couldn't help but think, _had_ he meant to kiss her? Maybe he had just lost balance while sitting on the floor, who knows?

Charlie's change in behavior was really starting to get to Lily. It hadn't subsided, if anything, it had become worse. Lily just couldn't figure out what would have caused this, it was so very unlike the Charlie she knew.

Tuesday night, as they were getting ready for bed, Lily had reached the point where she had to press it out of her friend.

Charlie was getting under the covers and snuggling in when Lily came and sat on her bed. Not on the edge, but directly in the middle. Charlie looked at her curiously.

Lily leapt to the point. "Char, what's the matter? You're not yourself, and it's creeping me out. You can tell me anything, you know that."

Charlie sighed and looked out the window that was right next to her bed. After a moment, she reached out and drew her crimson bed hangings together, then cast a silencing charm around the bed. Gazing down at her hands, she started to speak quietly, almost as if talking to herself.

"There's this guy." She sighed while Lily stared at her blankly. That's it? How could such a petty thing such as a boy change Charlie's moods so drastically?

Charlie continued. "He's in Hufflepuff. Blonde hair, broad shoulders. Eyes the color of the sky on a clear, sunny summer morning. He doesn't talk much in classes; he's attentive and only speaks when spoken to usually. He knows his manners, and respects the ladies. And every time I'm around him, I get all shaky; my palms start to sweat, and I can't string 'Hi' and 'How are you?' into once sentence without feeling sick to my stomach." While Charlie said this, her face started out with a wistful look, which slowly molded into frustration.

Lily remembered the first time she had crush on a boy here at Hogwarts. In fact, it had been on James Potter. He had been so tiny back then, just before adolescence when his voice was beginning to deepen and squeaked every once in a while. He had been short, scrawny, and nearly drowned in all of the hair that covered his head. She didn't know what it had been, but he just seemed so _dreamy_.

Now, thanks to blessed Quidditch, he's filled out. He's grown to a height of about six-two, nearly seven inches taller than Lily. The hopelessly untidy black hair that used to swallow him whole now fits him so perfectly it just wouldn't work on anyone else the same way. Now that she thought about it, it's probably a Potter male signature. His nose was a little long, but hardly noticeable at a glance. His skin had tanned, his chin now gets five o'clock shadow.

But what really finished the job were his eyes and his slow, sexy smile. They were a brilliant combination. Without words, he could say so much, offer so much. From a distance, those eyes are just a plain old brown. But if you get close enough, they're a yellowish brown, almost gold, with specs of bright green encircled in a rim of a dark muddy green. They twinkled in merriment and satisfaction whenever one of the Marauder's pranks would pull threw flawlessly. They used to harden to stone, cold, unbreakable stone whenever he looked at Lily. On the contrary, they now warm in admiration whenever he merely glimpses her, saving the animosity for the Slytherins.

And that smile! She could stare at that grin for hours on end. It showed a kind of careless ease, like he could barely put any effort into a challenge and come out on top. He has an aura of natural cockiness that holds its own appeal.

Any girl, young or old, could see that James was a hunk.

But if he was just a hunk, then why did she get this fluttering feeling around her heart when she thought of him? After all, he was just a friend.

A friend that had nearly kissed her.

Coming back from Mars, Lily said, "Charlie, I don't think you've ever had a crush on someone before. This could be interesting, very interesting. Let's see… Isn't his name Kalvin? Kalvin Meeks?"

Charlie's tan cheeks glowed a light shade of pink. "Yeah."

Lily nodded once shortly. "Well, it's settled then. Tomorrow at breakfast you'll go talk to him."

A strangled sound escaped Charlie. "It's not that easy!"

"Isn't it?"

"No! Not when you're ready to puke at the sight of him!"

Lily lifted an eyebrow and tried to keep from bursting into laughter. "Char, it doesn't sound like he attracts you, it sounds like he repulses you."

"Well, it's not a bad puke. It's a good puke."

"I don't think there is a such thing as a 'good' puke."

The brunette sighed exasperatedly. "You know what I mean!"

"No, sorry, I don't."

"Oh, just shut up and tell me what I'm going to do, Miss Smarty-Pants."

The next morning at breakfast, Lily watched as a pink-cheeked Charlie talked to Kalvin at the Hufflepuff table. Before going to bed, Lily had given Charlie some tips on how keep her cool around the guys. Lily didn't have much experience in the boyfriend department, but she'd had enough.

After five minutes, Charlie practically floated over to her seat, beaming like she was the sun itself. She stared down at her plate a moment as if she was in shock, but before Lily could do ask, she burst, "He talked to me! _He_ talked to _me_! And he smiled!"

James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter stared at her like she needed to go see Madam Pomfrey. Lily smiled and said, "You'll have him wrapped around your pretty little pinky finger soon enough."

Charlie quietly squealed like a piglet and threw her arms around Lily in a close embrace. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"Who's 'he'?" Sirius demanded from across the table. All of the boys were still looking at Charlie as if she had gone completely insane.

Ignoring them, Lily asked Charlie, "Well, what did he say? Does he like you? Did he ask you out? What's going on?"

"I'd like to know that, too!" piped Sirius. He ducked his head and continued eating silently when Lily sent him an annoyed glare that said clearly, shut up!

Answering Lily's questions, Charlie said, "It was just the normal, 'Hey, how's it going?' But he did ask me to take a walk with him Friday after dinner. Other than that, he just talked about Quidditch. Which I don't mind, really, Quidditch is okay. I'm just not for playing it."

James perked up. "That's reminds me, Lily, that we have practice tonight. After dinner to 9."

"Okay, I'll make sure everyone remembers."

He paused and looked at her with admiration only he knew the depths of. "Of course you will."

"_Who is he?_" Sirius wanted to know again.

"Kalvin Meeks," the two girls answered in unison.

"Meeks? The Hufflepuff chaser? Kind of a drab, isn't he?" he commented absently, waving off the matter as he refilled his plate with pancakes, and then drenched them in maple syrup.

Lily could feel the heat radiating off Charlie as her friend narrowed her eyes at the Marauder. Deciding to save Sirius a trip to the Hospital Wing, she deliberately diverted Charlie's attention away from him.

"So, do you think he'll ask you to the Christmas Hogsmeade weekend?"

Charlie turned back to the redhead and gave a sheepish lift of the shoulder. "I don't know what he has in mind. Besides, he just talked to me today. I— Hey, speak of the devil."

"Talking about me were you?"

Lily turned around to see the Hufflepuff in question. Charlie hadn't been exaggerating. He was _very_ good-looking. Sunny, wavy hair, bright blue eyes, at least six-four. As he and Charlie flirted back and forth, he smiled and a dimple per cheek appeared. He didn't seem as shy as Charlie had led on.

Lily found herself lifting an eyebrow, scanning him over. If Charlie hadn't developed a liking for him, she would have willingly given it a shot. But all in all, she approved.

The innuendos ended with Kal asking to walk Charlie to her first class since it was on the way to his. As they walked out of the Great Hall together, Lily watched the very compact male backside.

"Enjoying the view?" Sirius asked, highly amused, jolting Lily back to earth. When she blushed a deep red and put on the 'dear in the headlights' look, he snorted. "I didn't think I'd see the day Lily Evans was seriously checking out some guy." The other three boys snickered.

_Play it cool. You're all alone. Slap it in his face._ "Just because I'm not as active in relationships as you, Black, doesn't mean I'm blind. I admire the scenery from time to time." She chuckled at the look of scandal on their faces.

Taking a sip of pumpkin juice, she gazed at the big oak doors Charlie and Kal had just exited through. "The early stages of love," she quietly murmured.

She didn't realize James had heard, or noticed the pained look he gave her.

The rest of the week pasted by quickly. Charlie couldn't wait for Friday. She kept thanking Lily profusely for helping her gather her Gryffindor courage. Lily was as anxious as her friend. Charlie had never been one to really care about boys. Now that she did, Lily wanted to encourage it as much as she could. Besides, there must have been something special about Kal to draw Charlie's eyes.

At dinner Friday night, Charlie couldn't get an appetite. Lily hefted some spaghetti onto her plate.

"Charlie, you need to eat something. Otherwise your stomach will be rumbling throughout the whole night." Lily said.

"If I eat something, I'll be so nervous I'll vomit all night." Charlie countered.

"Hey, some of us are trying to eat here," Sirius snapped.

"Oh, hush," Lily said to him. Turning back to Charlie, "Five bites, that's all you need."

"That's five bites too many."

"Oh, quit being so stubborn and eat!"

"Quit being so stubborn and drop it!"

Lily growled deep in her throat and narrowed her eyes. Then she suddenly perked up and greeted brightly, "Hey, Kalvin!"

Charlie whirled around in her seat. A sparkle came to her eyes when she saw Kalvin walk up to her.

"Hey, Lily. You looked downright murderous a minute go. Something up?" Kal replied casually.

Lily gave a toothy grin. "Oh, no, it's fine. Here to steal my best friend away from me?"

"If she's ready." He turned his gaze to Charlie, who had been staring at him with her mouth open a bit. She immediately snapped out of whatever daze she was in and assured, "Ready."

Kal silently held out his arm to her. She stood and, placing her hand on the inside of his elbow, mouthed at Lily, 'Wait for me.' Lily nodded and the couple left the Hall.

Turning back to her spaghetti, she sighed and wiped a fake tear off her cheek. "I'm losing her." The Marauders chuckled.

Later that night, Lily did as she promised. She was lying on her stomach in front of the fire reading her book, awaiting Charlie's return. The Marauders had plopped down in armchairs around her, insisting they'd wait for Charlie, too.

Lily glanced up as she turned a page when the portrait hole opened. She instantly slammed her book shut and called, "Charlie! Here!" The brunette hurried over and imitated Lily's position. "Well?" She thought she would burst with anticipation.

Charlie exploded with wild giggles as if she'd been keeping them in check all night long. When she'd settle down a bit and was able to breath, she spoke in excited undertones so only Lily and the Marauders could hear. Lily found herself slightly taken aback by the girly tone her best friend now possessed that was completely uncharacteristic for her. "Oh, it was _so_ romantic, Lily! We strolled in the moonlight around the lake as it shone like a mirror. We talked about our families, memories, school. Just the little things." She sucked in a breath. "Then, out of nowhere, he conjures a rose and says, 'A beautiful flower for a beautiful lady.'" She waved a hand, "I know, I know, so unoriginal, but it's the thought that counts, right? Next thing I know…" Her eyes glazed over as she stared off into the distance. "He's kissing me." She sighed with a goofy grin on her face. "My first kiss."

Sirius made a choking sound and looked at Charlie incredulously. "Your _first_ kiss?" he sputtered.

She sniffed indignantly. "Yes. I don't go handing them out to passers-by like _some_ people do." She shot him an accusing glare. Then her features clouded over thoughtfully. "Lily…" She fixed her eyes on the redhead that had dived back into her book. "I just realized you've never told me about your first kiss."

Lily didn't see James straighten slightly as he snapped to full attention when she gave Charlie a surprised look. "You never asked."

"Now I am."

"Well… There's not much to tell."

"When was it? How old were you?"

Lily looked away and narrowed her eyes to concentrate on the memory. "Winter before first year. I had just turned eleven." Charlie leaned her head forward as indication to go on. "It was kind of cute, really. It was over our Christmas break from school. He was my neighbor from a couple houses down." The corners of her lips lifted fondly. "Michael Plander. I had the biggest crush on him.

_"Enjoying the holiday, Mike?" eleven-year-old Lily asked as she slowly walked down the sidewalk, Mike next to her. She kept her mitten-covered hand loose at her side incase he wanted to hold it. It was a chilling fifteen degrees, and she fought to keep her body from shaking too obviously. _

"Yeah, I can't wait for Christmas," he replied in a high voice. "Everyone in our family is coming over to my house. Uncle Ray, too. He tells funny jokes. Mom pretends she doesn't like them." He cast a sidelong glance at his crush. "He's really cool. What are you doing for Christmas?"

"My mum and dad are only children so I don't have any uncles or aunts. But my grandpa Joe and grandma Rose always give me a box of peppermints. And grandpa Henry and grandma Penny fly in from the states. Texas. There's not many people, but it's really fun."

Mike nodded and shot her another glance, catching her eye. Both hastily looked away as their cheeks burned red not entirely because of the cold.

Abruptly, Mike stopped short and sheepishly turned to Lily, keeping his eyes on the ground and his hands stuffed in his pockets. "I… I like you a lot, Lily. I've liked you for a long time." His face burned from the tips of his ears to the back of his neck. He cautiously lifted his black eyes to her emerald ones.

Biting her lip, it was her turn to stare fixedly at the ground. She swallowed hard before saying, "I like you too, Michael." She could see her cloud of breath in the air and wondered if her breath smelled bad.

After a brief hesitation, Mike took a step forward so that their bulky coats were touching. Licking his lips anxiously, he bent his head down, causing hers to rise. Sucking in a deep breath, he jerkily leaned forward after Lily closed her eyes and hesitantly pecked at her lips. It was a quick brush. Lily opened her eyes and gave a grin that twitched nervously. Somehow, seeing her nerves gave him confidence, and he closed his eyes and leaned forward again, this time meeting her lips softly yet firmly.

Lily didn't dare open her mouth. She'd seen Petunia snog some of her boyfriends with her mouth wide open and her tongue slashing around stupidly. She didn't want him to be disgusted, so she kept her lips puckered tightly together.

She couldn't believe she was kissing Michael Plander!_ He was the cutest boy in her class.  
He has long, wavy black hair that shined blue in the light, and was tall for his age. Wait until she tells Melony! Oh, she'll be so jealous. _

Unhurriedly, Mike pulled away. He studied her flushed face while a slow smile took over his features. He was so proud. He had just kissed the prettiest girl he'd ever seen. He couldn't wait to see what Tim will say!

In a comfortable silence, the two continued on their stroll, their mitten-clad hands linked.

"Ah," Charlie gushed. "That's so adorable!"

Lily just grinned and turned her head to gaze thoughtfully into the fire. She wondered where Michael was at this moment. Maybe she'd check up on him when she goes back to his world.


	7. A Very Merry Chirstmas

**Chapter 6:** _A Very Merry Christmas_

November came and went in a blur. Hufflepuff beat Ravenclaw in the first Quidditch match of the season, then Ravenclaw beat Slytherin, and in the last game before winter break, Gryffindor beat Ravenclaw.

Charlie and Kalvin were the focal point of gossip for about two weeks. It was a shock to many people as it had been at first for Lily to see this rebellious Tomgirl going steady with a gorgeous Quidditch captain. Rumors ignited, of course, but the couple either didn't pay attention to them or didn't hear of them. Lily had never seen Charlie so happy before.

Something she also noticed that made her smirk was Sirius giving Kalvin a calculating look through narrowed eyes whenever he was around. When she thought about it, he had been acting rather… decent since Charlie started dating Kal. She might just talk to him about that sometime later.

Toward the middle of December, Remus had one nasty full moon. Apparently, the other three Marauders hadn't been able to get to the Shrieking Shack discreetly. As a result, Remus had torn himself up pretty badly, and only got more violent when he supposedly heard other animals outside the Shack. He spent what must have been a week in the hospital wing, constantly covered in thick orange paste. Questions had come up, but were quickly forgotten.

Lily found that James seemed to be everywhere she went. If she was in the library, she would peek through shelves and see him a couple aisles down. If she went to breakfast early, he would already be sitting at Gryffindor table. If she unexpectedly ran out of ink or paper in a class, he would be there sitting next to her or behind her, ready to give her some of his spare supplies.

It had her asking herself if she believed in miracles, coincidences, or just luck in general. To be honest, she really believed in all three, but she still got the feelings it wasn't just the play of the cards that had him hovering over her.

She'd yet to tell anyone about graduating early with credits and moving back to the muggle world, even Dumbledore. She told herself she was just thinking it over, but in reality she was beginning to be reluctant to leave.

Before anyone knew it, exams were taken and trunks were being packed for the holiday at home.

"Silver bells… silver bells… It's Christmas time… in the city…" sang Lily at breakfast on the day they were to leave for home. She was dancing in her seat.

"You're not normally a morning person," grumbled James with heavy-lidded eyes.

"I can't wait to see Mum and Dad!" She continued with her carol.

"Shut up and eat your breakfast already," Sirius ordered.

Lily giggled with pleasure that she was pestering her anti-morning friends and hummed instead. Remus rolled his eyes but grinned.

Later, everyone was standing outside waiting for the carriages to take him or her to Hogsmeade Station to board the Hogwarts Express. Lily was still humming and bouncing on the balls of her feet. Charlie was off sharing goodbyes with Kalvin, and she didn't know where the Marauders had gone off.

Suddenly, something cold hit her square in the back of the head. Turning around, she saw Sirius looking up at the cloudy sky and whistling, putting on his 'don't look at me, I'm innocent' act. Lily smiled evilly. She bent down, made a snowball, and then took out her wand. She doubled the snowball, and then duplicated those snowballs and so on until she had a pile up to her knees. Then she enchanted them to follow Sirius until they all will have hit him.

When Sirius realized what she was doing, he gave a high-pitched shriek and ran. Lily laughed so hard she had tears running down her cheeks and was clutching her side. "Black, you scream like a girl!"

The carriages had already arrived when she turned back around. Finding an empty one, she climbed in and got comfortable.

"Lilliana Brielle Evans!" yelled a voice causing her to jump. In clambered Sirius, soaking wet and panting. "You'll pay!" He lunged at her and tackled her to the floor of the carriage, tickling her mercilessly. Being one of her best friends now, he knew exactly where she was sensitive. Lily screamed and wriggled. She felt the carriage shift as many someones entered. She could only guess who it was.

"R-Remus! Help!" she squeaked. Remus pretended to think it over, shrugged, and joined forces with Sirius.

"N-not him! Me! S-stop! I – can't – breathe!"

"Say: Sirius rules, Evans drools!" Sirius challenged.

"No!"

"Say it!"

"No!"

"Say it!"

"No!"

"Fine, I'll have Prongs kiss you!"

"NO!"

"Then say it!"

"Sirius drools, Evans rules!"

"Tut, tut, Lily! Switch it around."

"Evans rules, Sirius drools!"

"You know, Padfoot, this is technically correct," Remus sided. Peter and James were watching the whole scene in amusement.

"Sure, stick up for the damsel in distress!"

"I'm just being fair."

"Fine." Sirius let up, leaving Lily gasping for breath on the floor of the carriage.

"You… foul… little… worm…" she panted.

Sirius just smiled as he sat between Remus, on his left, and James, on his right. Peter and Charlie were seated on the other side. "So, what are you doing for Christmas, Lily?"

Lily eyes him warily. "What do you care?"

Sirius shrugged. "Just wondering."

"I'll be sitting at home, enjoying my solitude away from Slughorn and… certain others. I also have to have dinner with Petunia's fiancé, Vernon." Lily pretended to wrap her hands around her throat and strangle herself, earning laughter in return. "Going straight to James's then, Sirius?"

"Ain't no way I'm going home."

"There isn't any way," Lily corrected, "Didn't you learn proper grammar?" Sirius folded his arms and stuck his tongue out at her as the carriage came to a stop. "Oh, real mature."

The train ride was made up of mostly sweets, jokes, and laughing. But when Peter took out a copy of the _Daily Prophet_ from that morning, talk started up on the rising dark wizard, Lord Voldemort.

Over the past few weeks he'd evolved from being a troublesome shadow to a dangerous murderer. Several entire families had been attacked, or sometimes it was just a single member or two. But no matter the number of casualties, one could always tell where a murder had just taken place. In the sky of above the scene of the crime, there was a skull that looked like a green cloud. The most disturbing aspect of the symbol though, was the snake that would protrude from the skull's mouth.

Rumors had been spread saying that this Dark Lord was fantastically powerful. Some even said that he would be greater than Grindalwald had been, and that had set people in such a state that few called him Voldemort any more. It was He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named or You-Know-Who.

When the six stepped off the train, they said reluctant goodbyes and gave bear hugs. Lily's brows drew together when James lingered a little longer in the embrace than expected. But before any thoughts could form, he was drawing away again and giving her an earnest grin that gave her the feeling it had more meaning than she realized.

A week later, Lily had read 2 romance novels, always ending happily with a promise of a wonderful future for the characters, and 1 mystery thriller; she wasn't able to put it down until it was finished because of the constant suspense and cliffhangers. When she had finished, her eyes burned every time she blinked from lack of moisture.

She took a hot bath every night until her skin was as shriveled as dried prunes, soaking in "Lily of the Valley" suds.

She didn't sleep all day though. She woke up between eight and nine. After breakfast on some mornings she would stroll slowly down a path she knew by heart to the neighborhood park. There she plopped down on a swing and listened to her surroundings, taking in the magical view, though it contained no magic.

It was presently Lily's 7th evening home, Christmas Eve. Petunia was staying with Vernon Dursley for Christmas. Lily and her parents were to go to his house at noon tomorrow for Christmas dinner. Sitting in the living room, Lily was flipping through her latest magazine. Mark Evans's eyes darted from side to side as he read the articles in a newspaper and Maggie Evans had her eyebrows knit as she tried to figure a crossword. The fire was crackling joyfully, sending sparks up before they vanished moments later.

Lily started when she heard a twig snap outside, but dismissed it as an adventurous animal. Then she heard it again, this time accompanied by footsteps crunching on snow. Slowly standing from her chair, she walked over to the window and peeked through the slit between the curtains. No streetlamps were alight. Now knowing something wasn't right, Lily felt around in her pockets but couldn't find her wand.

"Something wrong?" Lily turned around to find her dad looking at her curiously and seriously. She had told both of her parents about the new danger Muggles were in, and they made sure to keep an eye open.

"I heard something." She was straining her ears. After a tense moment, her blood ran cold and she froze.

_Click._

Her senses came back and she grabbed her father's wrist, then her mother's and frantically looked about for something to hide behind or inside of. There was a coat closet; Lily shoved them in.

"Stay here and stay quiet. I have to go get my wand. I'll come back for you." The terrified look on her parents' faces broke her heart. "I love you." She shut the door of the closet, leaving them in darkness, and softly but quickly padded through the living room and up the stairs.

_Oh my god, oh my god, there are Death Eaters in my house…_

Lily decided she should send for help while she was in her room. She grabbed a scrap of parchment and a pen (since she didn't have time to search for a quill and ink) and scribbled:

_Help! Death Eaters! – Lily_

James…

Lily's snowy owl, Hannah, had been watching Lily curiously, wondering what's going on. When Lily called her over, she immediately obeyed, knowing something was amiss. Lily tied the S.O.S. to Hannah's leg and told her to take it to Sirius or any of the Potters as fast as she could and to stay there for a while. She didn't know how far away the Potters resided.

After Hannah took off out the window, Lily grabbed her wand off her bedside table. Taking a few deep breaths, she reminded herself of some spells.

_Stupefy… Petrificus Totalus… Reducto… Protego… Collo- _

A blood-curdling shriek echoed up the stairs. Lily's breath caught in her throat. Without a coherent thought of what she was doing, Lily bolted down the stairs and into the living room.

There stood ten black, hooded figures, whose heads all swiveled as she entered the room. Looking through a gap between two of them, she saw her mother's and father's bodies lying on the floor with a freaked look on their faces, and subconsciously noted the living room was in shambles.

"Ah, the Mudblood has come to play," one of the figures jeered. Lily's comprehension came back tenfold. She turned and ran through the hall and kitchen towards the front door.

"_Stupefy!_" A red flash went over Lily's shoulder.

"_Reducto!_" Lily screamed, not wanted to waste time jiggling the door handle. The front door blasted open and Lily ran out into the front yard. She heard a Death Eater shout, "_Incendio!_" and knew her house was doomed. Her yard, like all the others, was covered in snow from the first storm of the winter the night before. Lily had nothing to hide behind except the car, and she knew that probably wouldn't be a good idea.

_1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… There's too many! I can't take them all on my own!_ Just as these thoughts were going through her mind, Lily heard a 'pop'.

"Leave the prodigy to me," a high, hissing voice drawled. The Death Eaters stopped giving chase, and made way for a, well, Lily didn't think it was human. It, or rather he, had skin as white as the snow crunching beneath his feet and a bald head. The whites of his eyes were yellow and their color was blood red.

Lord Voldemort had arrived.

"You've been a real burden upon me, but now, that will come to an end, girl," he forewarned. He took out his wand and aimed it right at Lily's heart as her eyes widened and she stood paralyzed with fear.

"Avada Kedav-"

"TOM!" Lily spun around to face a very livid Dumbledore; she'd never seen him this mad, nor thought it possible. His face was actually flushed. "YOU WILL NOT HARM LILY!"

"Dumbledore," Voldemort spat, "Do not call me by that disgraceful name. My name is Lord Voldemort. The Mudblood is in my way, I must dispose of her." Before anyone could blink, he said the Killing Curse once again. It seemed to sail toward Lily in slow motion, but before it could touch her, she quickly conjured a wooden chair that intercepted it, setting it ablaze with fire like her house.

Everyone, including Lily, was shocked for a moment at her quick thinking. Obviously no one had ever deflected a Killing Curse before.

Next thing she knew was Dumbledore dueling Voldemort – with her in the middle. Ducking under and jumping over spells, Lily was getting quite the workout. Voldemort would occasionally throw a curse at her, but either Dumbledore or herself would block it. The Death Eaters just stood there; they had not been commanded to do anything. Lily only just noticed the neighbors looking horror struck out their windows at the scene.

Suddenly there was a 'crack'. Lily looked back and saw Voldemort had disappeared, and Dumbledore was looking around wildly. In a split second, there was a 'pop', Dumbledore shouted, "Lily!" and Lily was overtaken with pain. It was everywhere. She was determined not to give Voldemort the satisfaction of hearing her scream. Liquid fire flooded through her veins and it felt like all of her bones were breaking at once, over and over again. She fell to her knees, doubled over, hugging herself, biting her lip so hard it bled, and squeezing her eyes shut though hot tears still slipped through. She felt the pain get worse as Voldemort got frustrated with her lack of wailing. She was slowly lapsing into unconsciousness.

As soon as it had started, it stopped. Every part of Lily was still throbbing, but at least the real pain was over.

There were more voices around her then there had been before. She opened her eyes. Voldemort and Dumbledore were at it again, but now the Death Eaters were dueling, too, with people Lily didn't know, except three. Sirius, Remus, and James were back to back fighting one Death Eater each. She had to help; it was her fault in the first place. She shakily stood and plucked her wand from the ground where it had fallen. She walked unnoticed toward the three Death Eaters her best friends were fighting.

_Stupefy_, she thought. A red jet of light from her wand hit her target, Sirius's dueler, square in the back and he or she dropped. Sirius smiled at her gratefully, and then nodded toward Remus, meaning she help Remus while Sirius helped James. She nodded back to show she understood.

Pieces of her burning house kept crumbling to the ground. Lily snuck up behind Remus's Death Eater and they met the same fate as Sirius's Death Eater had. Remus jogged up to her.

"You okay?" he panted.

"Yea-" Unexpectedly, Lily was grabbed from behind. She felt a wand being jabbed into her throat. Remus made toward her but -- "STOP!" Voldemort, who was holding her, bellowed. Everyone stopped dueling and turned toward he and Lily. She was breathing rapidly, seeing her breath come from her mouth. She hadn't noticed how cold it was outside because the flaming house emitted plenty of heat.

The Death Eaters congregated behind Voldemort as the people who had been dueling them grouped in front of Lily. She figured these were the people here to help her. Some of the good people took steps forward, but Voldemort wouldn't be intimidated.

"DON'T move!" They froze. "I'm going to do what I came to do!" The good people's eyes widened. Some looked like they really wanted to run forward and help Lily, especially James, Sirius, and Remus, but knew they shouldn't.

"Goodbye, you naïve little Mudblood," Voldemort whispered in her ear, making her shiver from the stench. But before he could take a breath to utter a word, Lily's mind caught up and told her to struggle.

All at the same time, Lily elbowed Voldemort in the stomach, stomped onto his right foot with hers, and lifted her other foot into his groin – hard. He let go of her and she fell forward from imbalance, and then she half-sprinted, half-stumbled over to her group of people. Dumbledore stepped in front of her and James, Sirius, and Remus all helped her up and held her closely and protectively.

When Voldemort had regained his composure, he looked at Lily furiously, his pale cheeks tinted pink in anger. "You've won this battle, Mudblood, but you didn't come out unscathed." With that said, he was gone in a 'crack,' his Death Eaters following.

Lily stood where she was, feeling far away from everyone. She had no home, no belongs, no… parents. Her parents were gone. Gone.

"Lily? Come on, we need to get out of here," she could distantly hear Remus saying. She didn't move, or even acknowledge that he was there. She wrapped her arms around her stomach and stared at the ground.

"Lily?" She felt someone put a hand on her cheek. "Bloody hell, she's in shock. We need to get her out of here and we need to get her warm."

An almighty shudder racked her body. She was starting to get really cold, really fast. Her vision was starting to blur in the corners.

Suddenly she was being carried bridal-style. She gasped and wrapped her arms around the neck of whoever was carrying her. Focusing her eyes on the person's face to find it was James, Lily started and said, "What are you doing?" she slurred really faintly, as though she didn't have the energy to talk.

"Carrying you."

"I think I can manage myself, thanks."

"No, you can't. Just lean on me for a minute."

"Where are you taking me?"

"Out of here."

Lily looked around, having forgot where 'here' was. She saw the burning house and many people talking on the streets. Something was missing.

Jerking to get down, she gasped, "Petunia, where's Petunia?"

James held on tight. "She'll be fine, don't worry."

Lily, not caring much at the moment about any particular thing, sighed and laid her head on his shoulder.

All of a sudden, James said, "Hold on to me." The world spun in circles but before she could get her head around what was going on, James was sitting her down on a sink counter in a bathroom. "Stay there." He turned and the sounds of running water could be heard.

Lily took in her surroundings. It was a fair sized room, not too cramped but not too spacious. There was a door on the wall opposite her, probably a closet. The door to the room was open a crack, and she could see a scarlet bathrobe hanging from a hook on the inside. The walls were painted with swirls of a pale red color and cream. The tub that was being filled was round and could probably fit ten people in it.

The water stopped and James came back to her, studying her face. She met his gaze unconcernedly. "Do you feel dizzy?"

"Slightly."

"Nauseous?"

"Not really."

He blew out a breath and seemed to hesitate. Then he untied her shoes and slipped them along with her socks off her feet, doing the same to himself.

She started. "What are you doing?"

"Come here." He held out his arms and, though hesitating, she warily slid into them. He carried her a few steps, then stepped into the bathtub.

"What are you doing? What about our clothes?"

He chuckled and said, "Trust me, when you get your bearings straight, you'll want them on."

All Lily could do was furrow her eyebrows as he sat back in the tub. Lying with her back on his chest, the warm water came up to her chin and immediately started soothing her senses. James wrapped his arms around her to hold her in place; she sighed and closed her eyes, leaning her head back.

"Is it too hot?" he asked

"Nuh-uh," she whispered, her breathing starting to slowly even out. She felt James lift a hand and press two fingers on the pulse point in her neck.

"Pulse is getting back to normal. Are you still shaky?"

"Just tired," she sighed.

After about another ten minutes, Lily felt the smoke clear from her mind. Without much discomfort, she realized she was in a bathtub filled with warm water with James Potter under her. Within what must have been a half hour, Death Eaters had invaded her home, killed her parents, and taken everything she had in the Muggle world away from her. Except Petunia, but she hadn't even been around. Lily sighed. She would have to talk to her sister tomorrow.

She was much too tired to be very grief-stricken yet, though she knew it would hit full-force tomorrow. She vaguely wondered where everyone else had gotten.

"James."

"Hmm?"

She turned around a bit to look up at him. "I'm all right now. Can I just go to bed?"

He did an extreme examination of her face, trying to gauge her emotions and the truth of that statement. Apparently approving of what he saw, he nodded and gave a nudge so she would stand up. They climbed out and he drained the tub, but then they just stood and looked at each other in their wet cloths.

Lily cleared her throat and looked away, causing James to snap out of whatever daydream he had been caught up in. "Zeeny!" he called.

Lily recognized a house-elf when she saw one. This one didn't look wary or worn though; it looked healthy and proud. The baseball-sized eyes took in the two seventh years and their wet cloths. Lips pursed and eyes narrowed, Zeeny snapped her fingers, instantly drying the clothes.

James led Lily to a spare guest room and showed her where everything was, also providing her with one of his t-shirts for nightwear. Glad to have something other than the clothes she was in, Lily took it gratefully. All the while he watched her with intense and heavily concerned hazel eyes.

Just as he was about to shut the door and leave her alone, Lily went with impulse and quickly strode over to him. Throwing her arms around his waist, she buried her face in his chest and let out a large long-suffering sigh. Thinking of her past and everything she had known suddenly disappearing, one single tear escaped her. When she drew her head back to look up at him, he gently wiped the tear away with his thumb. "Will you be all right?"

Lily nodded and buried her face in his chest again for another moment. She felt so… safe here. Content. Protected.

Loved.

And what surprised her most was the fact that she wanted this moment to last forever. She never wanted to leave his strong embrace. Deciding to sleep on it, she kissed his cheek and went to bed, not necessarily looking forward to the morning.


	8. Closed Door, Open Window

**Chapter 7: **_Closed Door, Open Window_

The door slamming open had Lily jerking out of a thankfully dreamless sleep. As she was groggily wiping her eyes and moaning, someone threw their arms around her and squeezed.

"Oh God, my God, you're all right. I mean, I knew you were all right, but I had to see for myself." Charlie pulled back and took Lily's sleepy face in her hands. "I'm sorry I wasn't there, but I came as soon as I heard."

The memory hit Lily like a punch in the gut. Death Eaters invading her home. Killing her parents. Voldemort coming. Nearly getting killed herself.

James's hospitality.

He, along with Sirius, Remus, an older couple, and Professors McGonagall and Dumbledore, also stood just inside the room. After glancing at them, she looked back at Charlie and said on a yawn, "I'm fine, and want a few more minutes of sleep before I start the woe-is-me routine."

Charlie stared at her for a moment. "You act as if it was just some silly quiz you failed." She took Lily's hands in her own. Very softly she said, "Lily, you're parents are dead. Murdered. Your house burned to the ground with all of your possessions inside." Lily closed her eyes and turned her head away. "It just hasn't hit you yet."

"And I'm telling you, I want a few more minutes of sleep before it does," she retorted. It sounded stupid even to her, but she had just been pulled from the bliss of unconsciousness, meaning she had to face the day now. And that she wasn't to do.

Charlie seemed to come to the same conclusion, only saying, "Breakfast is downstairs when you want it." She quietly walked out, the others following. Except him.

Inwardly wishing him away, but really not sure whether she truly wanted him to go or not, she pulled her blanket-covered knees up to her chest and put her face in them. And wept.

She heard him slowly walk over, sit on the edge of the bed. He put a hand on her back and rubbed soothingly, then put his hand on her opposite shoulder. He knew that she knew she was welcome to refuse the comfort, or accept it. With a pitiful whimper, Lily turned to bury her face in his shoulder.

She was embarrassed when he pulled back, but was surprised when he merely picked her up and fully sat on the bed, her nestled in his lap. His shoulder once again muffling her cries, she drew strength from his warm body as he smoothed her hair, whispered comforting words, and rocked.

When her eyes didn't have any tears left, but her heart still painfully squeezed with grief, she curled up, moving her head just under his chin. He kissed her hair and continued to sooth as she hiccupped.

"No home. No clothes. No parents," she muttered brokenly.

"You have memories. Those are all you need."

"To steady my mind, sure. But what about school supplies, clothes to wear. Somewhere to go home to." She started trembling. "Petunia. Oh God, Petunia. What am I supposed to do about her? Where is _she _going to go home to? She doesn't have a home, clothes, or parents anymore, either."

"But she wasn't there, she won't have it playing over and over in her dreams for weeks."

He did have a point there, but that didn't help. Lily pressed her fingers to her eyes. "Oh, what am I going to do?"

He kissed her hair again. "We'll figure something out."

Her eyes shot open wide and she went as rigid as a board. _We._ James Potter was holding her. Close. Intimately. And she was letting him. Her heart turned over in her chest on a spurt of not grief, but… gratitude. Oh merciful Lord, she had overpowering affection for James Potter.

It was ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. Not even four months ago she'd completely hated his guts. Now, she was snuggling up to him. It didn't matter if it was her time of need, or if he felt he was obligated to comfort her.

She was attracted to him. She felt like giggling at the thought.

In some tiny pocket in the back of her mind, she had always somehow known she'd inevidably end up liking him. It was the whole classic love/hate relationship. Her passionate dislike for him turns into passionate love for him over time.

And she didn't even try to fight back the word. Love.

What was meant to happen was meant to happen. There was no getting around it. One is put on earth for a purpose, on a certain assignment, and when they've achieved it, life goes on.

She felt the click. A secret door in her heart was creaking open, inch-by-inch. She didn't bother to analyze it, didn't bother to push it closed again. With James, everything seemed to come together. She'd just been through tragedy, but in his arms, she knew it would be all right. It would be okay. As long as he could hold her like this forever.

It didn't happen years ago because maybe they—or she—hadn't been ready. It would have been too much too fast, all at once. But it still seemed like everything was in fast forward. One minute she's being blasted back ten feet by James, the next befriending James, and now she's letting her heart become vulnerable to him.

She'd been the typical nerd that just so happened to have a social life. She'd been studious, extremely so, organized, serious, responsible, helpful. On the outside. Just like James had been easy-going, joking, fun loving, agreeable.

They balanced each other out. When Lily's scales got weighed down, he'd bring them back up, and vise versa. Opposites attract.

"Oh my God, James, I think I love you," she whispered.

A small grin slowly curled his lips. "I've been waiting for you to catch on."

She brought her face back to look at his full on. "What?"

He stared into her eyes a moment, brushed a strand of red hair behind her ear. "Do you believe in love at first sight?"

"I'm starting to believe a lot of things are possible that I never thought could be."

He paused again, then took a breath. He settled back against the head of the bed, letting her curl up to him and lay her head on his shoulder. "Back in first year, on the platform, do you remember the first time we met?"

"You goggled at me the moment I came through the barrier."

He chuckled a bit at her tone, still annoyed by long-ago antics. "I was just being introduced to Peter, and I catch a flash of red in the corner of my eye. I turn and... Pow! You're standing there, bright red hair, eyes green as emeralds, porcelain skin, and freckles dowsing your nose. It felt like someone had reached in, grabbed my heart and squeezed. I didn't tell anyone about it, because I knew they'd laugh. Here I am, eleven years old, and already in love with a girl I just glanced at for the first time in my life."

"You… You fell in love with a glimpse of me? That long ago?" she asked him in quiet disbelief.

"All it took was a glimpse. Like I said, I kept it to myself. When Hogsmeade trips came around, I really wanted to ask you to go with me. But by then you'd already stamped a label on my forehead. So I waited, hoping you'd take a better perspective of me. When you didn't, you seemed to just start to dislike me more, I thought, The hell with it. Asked you out on a whim. I don't really remember what I expected, but I wasn't totally surprised by, nor was I expectant of, your no. In my gut I had an instinctive feeling that I shouldn't give up. I tried again, and still you wouldn't give me a chance. I got frustrated. I got angry. I _thought_ I'd started to hate you. And I believed it, up until a couple of months ago.

"When I saw you there, on the couch in the common room, sobbing in your sleep like you were scared to death, it all hit me again. I needed to protect you, be with you. But this time I held myself back, eased you into it. We became friends, and I gained your trust.

"Last night…" He shuddered. "When Hannah delivered your message, I froze. You couldn't die; you couldn't slip through my fingertips when I was so close to having you. I was in a daze when we got to your house. All I could think was, Please don't be gone. Please don't leave me like this.

He tightened his hold on her. "When Voldemort had you… I felt so useless. So helpless. He had you and there was nothing I could do." He sighed. "You don't know what relief is until you've seen the love of your life come an inch close to death, then in the blink of your eye, they're all right and you're holding them again." With his conclusion, he kissed her temple.

Lily tried to take this all in, then gave up and concentrated on the basics, the unbelievable basics.

He loved her. She loved him.

She sat up, looked him straight in the eye. She saw patience, miraculous patience. And understood.

He didn't expect her to take this in stride and keep moving as if she was told this everyday. He'd give her time to sort out her thoughts. He'd give her time to sort out her feelings. He'd wait for her, just as he had been for over six years.

But she didn't want to wait. She'd just had her heart punctured by the quick murder of her parents, the destruction of the house she'd been able to call home since before she could remember. And he'd already filled them up again, so suddenly she didn't think she was thinking sanely.

Who ever said love was comprehendible?

Looking at him now, she didn't see the cocky jerk, didn't see the brilliant student, didn't see the loyal friend. She saw James Potter, the man she'd come to love overnight.

Who said love took time to develop?

And her eyes filled with tears. "I can't believe it. I simply can't believe it." She didn't sob in despair, but simply because it was all so stupid. As he brushed at the salty drops gliding down her cheeks, she said, "My life was just torn apart last night. I've got no home, no clothes, no possessions, no parents, no _anything_. And all I really need, all I truly need, is you." She shook her head. "It's all so… God, 'unbelievable' would be an understatement." She gave him a sad smile. "My life was torn apart, and all it'll take to be sewn back up is three words from you."

"Pig. Toe. Booger."

Lily stared at James in fascination for a moment. Abruptly, she threw her head back and laughed. This is what she meant when she'd thought they balanced each other out. She'd get serious and down, so he would perk up. "You know which three words I'm talking about."

Linking her hands around his neck, she leaned in closer. "I." A little closer. "Love." A breath away. "You," she finished in a whisper. With her eyes on his, she brushed her lips over his. A tingling sensation ran from the tips of her toes to the ends of her hair. Goosebumps formed along her skin and her pulse skidded, then began to race. Her heart took a low, burning turn in her chest.

Closing her eyes, she met his lips entirely. She gave, he took. He gave, she took. He had a woodsy scent, something completely male yet reflected his nature of a stag in the forest. He didn't hurry; he savored. Cherished. Drank himself drunk on the taste of her. Their lips curved, teased; their hearts beat as one.

Time seemed to stand still. Lily could almost hear the hallelujah chorus. Everything clicked together, found what it was looking for and stuck.

When she pulled away, she slammed her eyes shut tight and took a deep breath to steady herself. She was floating on clouds.

And unexpectedly crashed back to earth.

She reached for James and clung, tight, afraid to let go.

"Whoa, hey, it's okay. You're all right." He cradled her like something that was delicate and could break easily any moment. Which was close enough to the truth.

"No, I'm not, but I will be." She sighed. "I have to go see what's left. I have to talk to Petunia, see what we're going to do now. After I clean up and have something to eat." She relaxed enough to look at him. "Will you be joining me?"

He gauged her. "If you want me to."

"I do."

"Then I will."

She studied his face a moment, committed it to memory. "Good." She kissed him again. Took a deep breath. "I love you." Let it out in a whoosh. "I'll get used to it."

A huge grin took over his face. "I definitely could."

Rolling her eyes, Lily climbed off the bed and looked around, for once noticing the unfamiliar setting. The walls were marbled an off white and pale green. The carpet and bedclothes matched. There was a desk along one wall, a window in another, and a door on the opposite wall. It was spacious, no doubt about that, but also vibrated warmth and comfort.

James stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. "I've always pictured you in this room. Matched your eyes. I call it the Sea Foam Room. That's something else I wanted to talk to you about." He turned her around to face him. "This room, as you can obviously see, needs filling. And seeing as you no longer have a room of your own, you're welcome to this one." When he saw the uncertainty come into her eyes, he took her face in his hands. "Lily, not to brag, but my family's got more money than we know what to do with. We'll buy you new school supplies, new clothes, new things. I talked to my parents about it last night. You can stay here if you want."

She gave him a smile. "To be quite honest, I didn't doubt I could. But I can't make promises, James. I have to talk to my sister, work this all out. My parents will have left us equal shares of the money in their wills, and, taking advantage of your offer, I could give my half to Petunia and just take advantage of your wealth. But no matter what, before I do anything, I have to talk to my sister." Her stomach grumbled. "And get some breakfast," she added on a laugh.

He kissed her forehead. "Take a shower. I'll go get some of my clothes that you can resize to fit you." He pointed to the door opposite the desk. "That'll lead to the bath. Breakfast is waiting." He kissed her again, and just as he was about to exit, he remembered, "Oh, happy Christmas."

Lily thought of all the things she'd lost. Then looked into his eyes. Lose a little, gain a little. "Right. Happy Christmas."


	9. Their Aura

**Chapter 8: **_Their Aura_

In baggy slacks and sweater that had had to be rolled up some, Lily tied her hair into a ponytail as she explored the second floor of James's house. It was neither a huge mansion nor a tiny cottage, but it was large enough to have six bedrooms upstairs, each with an adjoining bathroom.

There were three doors on each side of the hall. Lily softly padded in her socks to the end of the hall, opened the door, and peeked in. Swirls of gray and navy could be scarcely made out under the many posters of famous Quidditch teams and beautiful witches with generous attributes. Feeling an uncomfortable twinge of self-consciousness, she noted clothes strewn in unpredictable places, including a pair of male underwear half hanging out of drawer in the dresser. The bedclothes were all over the place, as well as sweet wrappers. Quite obviously, this was Sirius's room.

The room across the hall was in pale orange and pastel yellow. Not exactly being masculine colors, she figured right from the off that it was the room Peter normally stayed in. It was clean and kept, with no personal belongs anywhere. This must mean Peter wasn't even here.

The room next to that was done in a mixture of tans, peaches, and soft blues. Not being able to picture James in this room, Lily guessed it to be Remus's. There was a quill, ink, and parchment on the desk, a considerable stack of books on the nightstand, and, except for the occasional sweet wrapper, it was tidy.

Across the hall was a room that she instantly recognized. Grinning, she saw that James kept things in an organized mess somewhere between Remus's and Sirius's styles. No undergarments decorated the floor, but some other clothes did. The rubbish bin was overflowing with sweets' wrappers. Books littered the floor, some open, others not. There was the occasional broken quill, and only Quidditch posters hung on the black and blue walls. She did notice though, a rather recent picture of her was on his nightstand next to one with the Marauders, Charlie, and herself. She smiled fondly at them.

The room next to his only took one peek for Lily to back out of quickly. It was Mr. and Mrs. Potters' room, and she knew it would have been extremely rude to invade their privacy. The last room, across from the parents', was hers, so she decided to descend to breakfast. On the walls that lined the stairs were pictures of James, one from each year. There were others that she assumed included friends and family members.

Just before she turned into the kitchen, she stopped and only peeked around the doorway. Charlie was sitting at the table with her fingers pressed into her eyes; Mr. and Mrs. Potter were talking somberly with Professors McGonagall and Dumbledore; James was telling Remus and Sirius something, and Sirius had a stunned grin on his face, Remus a knowing one. Breakfast consisted of bacon, eggs, muffins, toast, smoked ham, tea, pumpkin juice, and fruit. Taking a deep breath, Lily walked in.

Both professors and the elderly couple stopped talking and turned to face her. Mrs. Potter was short and somewhat round, had red hair and James's hazel eyes. She came forward, grasped Lily's hand and said, "Dear, I'm Justine Potter, James's mum, but you can call me Tina." She put her arm around Lily's waist and turned, gesturing to Mr. Potter. He had untidy black hair that was flecked with silver, and bright electric blue eyes. His hand was firmly gentle when he grasped hers. "My husband, Seth Potter."

Lily nodded to the both of them with a polite smile curving her lips. "It's a pleasure to meet the two of you."

Tina pushed her down in a chair next to Charlie. "Sit, I'll fix you a plate."

As she bustled around, Lily leaned over and embraced Charlie. "I'm sorry, Char. I was out of sorts earlier. I'm glad you're here."

Charlie pulled back. "Lily, you have nothing to be sorry for. You've been through Hell; you're entitled to be a bit bitchy."

Lily smiled and started eating when Tina placed the full plate in front of her. "You're handling this well, if I do say so myself," she commented. She sat down and took the cup of tea her husband offered her.

Lily shrugged. "I've already had my cry for the morning. Lord knows I'm not done yet."

Professor Dumbledore stepped forward and placed a copy of the _Daily Prophet_ in front of her. On the cover was a picture of her flaming house, the Dark Mark floating above it in the sky. She dropped her fork and grabbed it.

_Mysterious Motives_

_On the night of December 24th, 1977, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named attacked once more. A Muggle family of four had resided in the house in the picture above. Mr. Mark Nathaniel Evans, 45, Mrs. Margaret Elizabeth Harrington-Evans, 41, Miss Petunia Mae Evans, 21, Miss Lilliana Brielle Evans, 17. Miss Lily Evans is a Muggleborn witch whom is currently attending Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry._

_Mr. and Mrs. Evans were found amongst the rubble, both dead. It is assumed the Killing Curse was the cause, but it is yet to be confirmed. Miss Lily Evans had been home at the time of the attack as well, and was last seen being carried off by Mr. James Potter when our reporters arrived at the scene. We have yet to hear her statement at the present time._

_It took an hour for Ministry officials to obliviate all the memories of the neighbors that had been awakened by the commotion and had looked out there windows curiously. This quote came from a Muggle that wished to remain anonymous, before he or she had had his or her mind obliviated. _

"_I was reading in bed when I heard shouting from across the street at the Evans' home. I got up and looked out the window. The house was on fire, lighting the area like day. The most frightening creature I'd ever seen was holding the youngest girl, Lily. It had red eyes, and skin so white it matched my nightdress. He was holding a stick in her throat. There was a group of figures dressed in black robes and skeleton masks behind it, and in front of them another group of people that looked terribly worried. I got scared and woke my husband, and we went to the front door, but by the time we got there and looked out, it was over."_

_Just as the Ministry officials were finishing up, Miss Petunia Evans arrived with her current boyfriend, Mr. Vernon Dursley. She rushed to ask what had happened, and stated that she had been out on date with Mr. Dursley when the attack had taken place. She went home with Mr. Dursley._

_We all know that You-Know-Who targets anyone that isn't of pureblood lineage. But Ministry officials have revealed that this was no random attack. What actually happened that night? And why was that specific Muggle family targeted, besides having been Muggles? Could it have something to do with Miss Lily Evans, other than the fact she's Muggleborn?_

_Going with that theory, we investigated Miss Lily Evans's record. She has had no charges against her since being introduced to the Wizarding World at age eleven. Although, her grades at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry are exceptionally high. She'd achieved eleven O's on her Ordinary Wizarding Level tests, and had been given the position as a Gryffindor prefect for both her fifth and sixth years at school, and this year was named Head Girl._

_Even though she's a very bright student for a Muggleborn, what would be so special about Miss Lily Evans? Well, we hope to find out._

"One of them must have gone back later to put the Mark in the sky," Charlie guessed.

"Petunia…" was the first thing that Lily said. She pressed her fingers to her eyes. "It sounds stupid now, but I was hoping I'd be the first to speak with her about all this." She looked at the picture again. Her eyebrows furrowed. "But why is my attack so different?"

"They know something's fishy about this one," James answered from behind her, where he'd come to stand to read over her shoulder. "They don't think Voldemort had just decided to play pin-the-tale-on-the-dragon on a map, and just so happened to land on your house. They've accused you of being the reason, which probably isn't far off, because you're the only one in your family with magic in your blood." He started rubbing the tension in her shoulders as he considered. "Before we arrived last night," he started slowly, "did Voldemort say anything to you?"

Lily closed her eyes and relaxed under his hands as she thought back.

"_Leave the prodigy to me," a high, hissing voice drawled._

"_You've been a real burden upon me, but now, that will come to an end, girl," he forewarned._

"_Dumbledore," Voldemort spat, "Do not call me by that disgraceful name. My name is Lord Voldemort. The Mudblood is in my way, I must dispose of her."_

_In a split second, there was a 'pop', Dumbledore shouted, "Lily!" and Lily was overtaken with pain. It was everywhere. She was determined not to give Voldemort the satisfaction of hearing her scream. She felt the pain get worse as Voldemort got frustrated with her lack of wailing._

"He didn't arrive right away; his toy soldiers did. But when he did come, he called me a prodigy. Now, in a completely non-arrogant way, I know I'm smart, but I don't consider myself to have exceptional talent. He said I was a burden to him, and he said that he'd come to get rid of me." She bit her lip and hesitated before saying the next part. "And… when he had the Cruciatus Curse on me, and I didn't scream, I think he got angry with me, probably because I was still showing control over my actions."

James immediately whipped her chair around, knelt to eye level with her, and took her hands in distress. "The Cruciatus Curse? By Voldemort?" Lily looked down and nodded sheepishly. He hauled her to her feet and gathered her in his arms tightly. "Why didn't you say something?" He took her face in his hands and examined her face. "Are you all right?"

Lily encircled his wrists with her hands and said, "I'm fine, James. I slept most of it off. Don't worry." Oblivious to the on-lookers, she leaned forward and pressed a light, reassuring kiss to his lips.

Charlie gaped and stared with wide eyes throughout the entire interaction; Remus smiled softly; Sirius smirked and threw a glance at Charlie; Professor McGonagall's lips twitched as she fought to keep her face blank; Tina and Seth exchanged a knowing look, and Professor Dumbledore had a merry twinkle in his eye when he deliberately cleared his throat loudly.

"Unofficially, Lily, I must admit that your grades oppose your opinion. It's uncommon for a Muggleborn to be as successful in learning magic as you have been. It happens, but very seldom. But any student could achieve your grades if they only put their mind to it. No, I think it's the fact that you perform with such skill, and have the capabilities to learn extremely advanced magic without falter, that worries Voldemort." He looked thoughtful as he pulled out a sweet from the inside his robes and popped it into his mouth. "If we assume that explanation correct, then I think it fit to warn you, James. For the same reasons, Voldemort may choose to pursuit you as well." His beard hid his smile when Lily grabbed James's hand and linked their fingers. "Well, that's all for now. Minerva, I believe we've stayed long enough."

Tina jumped forward. "Albus, please, have you eaten yet? You're free to have something here; we've plenty to go around."

Dumbledore held up a hand. "Thank you, Tina, but we had eaten at Hogwarts before we'd come." He turned to Lily and held her gaze compassionately. "Lily, if there's need, I'm always available for a cup of tea."

She nodded. "Thank you, Professor."

When Dumbledore and McGonagall were back in the Headmaster's office in Hogwarts, McGonagall exclaimed, "Did you see it, Albus?"

Taking a seat behind his desk, Dumbledore smiled. "Yes, I did, Minerva. Who would have thought, the rivals Evans and Potter?"

"Not only that, but the aura! Did you see the aura, Albus? How bright it was?"

"I did. I've heard that there's a very thin line between love and hate, since both emotions take such passion. I must admit I'd had a feeling they'd end up together. They've had the glow before, Minerva. We've seen it when they were within a few feet of each other."

"I know, but do you think they're really in love, Albus? It can't have been long ago when they absolutely despised one another. Don't these things take time?"

Dumbledore chuckled. "Not when they've had years to develop already. Really, Minerva, is it that unbelievable?"

McGonagall looked rather disgruntled. "Well, no, but one would think it'd take longer than a single night to fall in love."

"My dear Minerva, that's what I'm telling you. It's been growing from the day they met. Sometimes destiny takes a while to finish what it starts."

She still looked bothered. She peered at him uncertainly. "Do you have that sensation too, Albus?"

"What do you mean?" He already knew, though.

She leaned forward in the chair she'd taken across from his desk. "I felt the power of their love. It was shocking, to be blunt. It gave me this instinctive feeling that the unusual strength of that aura is going to be important. That _they'll_ be important. Vital."

"I don't doubt they will be. Why else would Voldemort be getting anxious about them?"

McGonagall flinched at the name; she couldn't help it. She sighed. "I know. I've grown fond of the pair, whether it's acceptable or not. I'm worried. I don't want them to get hurt."

"Nor do I, Minerva, but we can't coddle them. They're the best witch and wizard we've had pass through this school in years, so we know they're capable of protecting themselves. Apart, their power is remarkable, but together, it's unimaginable. We must keep vigilant as to hold them under our wings. We can't let Voldemort get a hold of them."

"That's why you're collecting those witches and wizards, right? To start this group of yours so you can keep an eye on them, make sure he doesn't influence them?"

"Yes. That's one of the points, anyway." He rubbed his eyes under his half-moon spectacles. "They'll be back in the safety of Hogwarts in a week, Minerva," he added, knowing she wasn't done on the initial subject. "They'll be with their friends, and Tina and Seth have agreed to watch for suspicious happenings. We needn't worry ourselves."

It was no comfort, but McGonagall let it drop.


	10. Disowned, Decisions, and Discussions

**Chapter 9: **_Disowned, Decisions, and Discussions_

Lily looked out the window and saw that some reporters had camped out on James's estate. He made have a modest house, but he still had expansive grounds. Biting her lip, she turned back to face him with a helpless expression. She really did not feel like dealing with them just yet.

As if reading her mind, James went up to his room, returning a few moments later with a cloak that looked like liquid silver and felt like the most expensive silk. Recognizing it for what it was, Lily cocked an eyebrow at him. Sure he and his comrades snuck out on the full moon and such, but she'd never been told about all the accessories they used to avoid being caught. She'd have to ask later.

James shrugged. "Family heirloom. Father to son."

Hands clasped, they opened the front door and stepped out as deftly unnoticeable as possible with the invisibility cloak covering them. His house had protective wards around it, so they had to walk out a ways to get past the barrier before they could apparate.

Soon they were standing in front of Vernon Dursley's front door. Lily lightly knocked, which earned her a 'look' from James as he reached forward after her and knocked louder.

"Maybe they're out," she suggested when no one answered.

"At a time like this? I doubt it, Lily." He knocked again. Just as she was about to suggest they come back and try again later, they heard locks click and watched the door swing open to reveal the biggest man either had ever seen.

Lily cleared her throat. "We beg your pardon, sir, but we came by to talk to my sister, Petunia. I believe she's staying here at the moment. I'm her sister, Lily. There are some things that must be discussed. Are you Vernon?" Confident he was, she held out a hand.

Vernon eyed her up and down to the point she wanted to squirm. She lowered her hand slowly, oddly taken aback by his rude bluntness. She felt James shift to stand at his full height and put an arm about her waist possessively. When he shifted his gaze to James, he grunted, "Who's he?"

James thrust out his hand. "James Potter. Lily's staying with me."

Lily didn't know, but maybe it was a male thing to see who can squeeze tighter when shaking hands. But Vernon eventually said, "Come in. I'll see if she'll take you."

She and James stepped in the door and closed it at their backs. "I don't know what vibes you were receiving, but that bloke took an instant dislike to me," James told her.

"I wonder if Petunia told him about… _us._" James only shrugged.

Vernon came back, confirming that Petunia did have something to say, and led them to the living room. Petunia was sitting on the couch, stiff and drawn. Her short blonde hair was uncharacteristically mussed, her blue eyes rimmed with red and puffy. She gestured to a sofa; James and Lily sat.

_She's not offering refreshments or to take our cloaks,_ Lily mused, shifting awkwardly. With an inward sigh, she decided it was now or never, and the sooner the better.

"I'm going to cut to the chase, Petunia, because you're not exactly coming off as someone that wants to dance around the subject right now. We were attacked last night, and Mum and Dad were killed. Do you wish to know the entire story, or does it not matter?" _Do you want to know how I'd almost been killed, too?_ she added silently. _Do you care to know that you could have lost your _entire _family?_

After a moment, Petunia said, "It doesn't matter. They're gone, as well as the house. And our things." She unfroze enough to lift her hands palm up in an exasperated gesture before dropping them again. "How are we going to pay for new things, Lily?" _At least she isn't calling me Freak, _Lily thought.

"I've been thinking about it, and I believe that you can have my share of the fortune. James," she linked her fingers with his, "has gone out of his way to assure me that he'd be willing to put forth a considerable amount of his savings to help stabilize me."

She saw Petunia's eyebrow quirk, showing her surprise and impression. Her eyes narrowed as they did a thorough once-over of James. "Is he… one of your kind?"

James, proud of whom and what he was, said, "I'm a wizard, yes, and I happen to care about your sister very much, Ms. Evans." He stopped himself from sighing in exasperation when Petunia flinched at the word 'wizard'.

The blonde composed herself, and Lily blinked in surprise when Petunia leaned forward to massage her temples. "Lily, I'll be staying here with Vernon." She hesitated before finishing, "We're to be wed."

And, sure enough, Lily suddenly noticed the gleaming (and probably fake) rock on her sister's left ring finger. She couldn't stop her smile. Petunia and Vernon had been dating for two years, and she knew that he'd been Petunia's first. She hadn't meant to find out, but they hadn't had the convenience of silencing charms. She felt her cheeks grow warm at the thought.

"And… you won't be invited."

There was a moment of stunned silence. Vernon, who was sitting next to his fiancée, appeared to puff out his chest slightly, as if daring them to object. Petunia was studying the carpet; James glanced at Lily, who stared at her sister with wide, hurt eyes. He squeezed her hand, hoping the water works wouldn't come until they were back home.

Sucking in a deep breath, Lily worked herself up to choke out, "Why?"

When Petunia faltered, Vernon answered for her. She'd told him about her _perfect _sister, and what she was. He instantly shared her disgust for things of that nature. He didn't want anything to do with people like that, and he'd convinced Petunia she didn't, either. "We won't be wanting people of _your _kind ruining our special day."

James was on his feet in an instant. How dare, how _dare_ they? Just because they were lacking the powers he and Lily possessed doesn't mean they had the right to insult her—and him—that way. Lily's their family; aren't family supposed to _accept _one another's flaws?

Lily saw the indignation burning in his eyes, and grabbed his hand to tug him down. He slowly sat again, glaring unbrokenly at Vernon, who whole-heartedly glared back.

Lily was relieved to find that under the hurt there was anger. Her thoughts weren't very different than James's on the matter. They had no _right._ Sitting erectly, she replied coldly, "Fine, I won't be there. But you can still take my share of Mum and Dad's money, because I won't need it. And you don't have to worry about my needs or well being, because James will see to it that I'm satisfied with both. I have a few months of school left, and then I'll be on my own, as you know. You won't have to ever bother with me again." With that, she stood, making sure James's hand was clasping hers tightly for support, and started to march out with her chin up.

But Petunia'd be damned if she let her little freak of a sister get the last word. She stood and called after them, "Good, because I wouldn't stand for a murderer to demand my hospitality."

Her sister froze in her tracks. With James tugging urgently on her hand, she whipped around, her emerald eyes sparking. "What did you say?"

A small smirk playing on her thin lips, Petunia repeated, "I wouldn't stand for a murderer to demand my hospitality."

"And in what sense am I a murderer?"

Now Petunia's eye's emptied of satisfaction and filled with anger and grief. "If you hadn't gone to that _freak _school of yours, this wouldn't have happened."

"Yes, Petunia, it would have. This Dark Lord will kill anyone he wants anytime he wants. He's prejudiced against Mug—non-magic folk, and he could have targeted us had I become a witch or not."

"But you did. You accepted that bloody letter. If this situation would have come upon us no matter what, you only hurried it along by going off to some castle to wave sticks around.

"Mum and Dad had been so_ proud _of you. I watched, sickened, as they worshiped the ground you walked on. They'd encouraged you, supported you. And what did they get for it? To be stuffed in a box and buried six feet under!" She shouted the last sentence, outraged and disgusted by the memories she had of standing on the sidelines as Lily was pampered.

Before Lily could snap out of her shocked daze, Petunia continued, "You came home every summer spouting about how _well _you were doing and about how much your professors just _loved _bright little Miss Evans. If you'd actually, truly learned something, though, why hadn't you protected Mum and Dad? You were there; you've told me yourself that you're of age so you can finally do magic at home. So why didn't you save them?" Her lips curled back in snarl. "You were too busy protecting yourself, you selfish little wanton brat."

Lily's eyes filled with tears. She'd never been so insulted and utterly hurt in her life, not even when Severus Snape had called her a Mudblood. This was coming from her sister.

James didn't trust himself to be civil if he opened his mouth, so he just burned holes in Petunia with his eyes. Lily didn't need to hear this; it'd go to her head. Firmly pulling on her hand, he virtually dragged her to the door.

Petunia screamed after them, "I hate you! I hate you, Lily! I won't have anything to do with you ever again!" And they heard her collapse into sobs as James shut the door.

He took out the invisibility cloak and threw it over them. Holding Lily tightly to his chest, he apparated both of them to the outskirts of his estate. Dodging the press camps, he quickly entered his home.

She hadn't moved or spoke at all. He tore off the invisibility cloak, followed by their winter cloaks, seeing as it's the end of December, and pulled her into the living room. Charlie, who would remain at the Potters until terms started again, was flipping through _Witch Weekly_; Sirius and Remus were playing Wizards' Chess; Tina was humming as she knit; Seth was looking down his nose through his reading glasses, concentrating on his novel; and Zeeny, the Potter house-elf, was dusting the mantel of the fireplace.

Knowing that any moment the volcano of emotions building within Lily was going to explode, James led her to an armchair, settled her on his lap, and whispered, "You can let it go now, love."

As if that's the cue she'd been waiting for, Lily curled up in a ball and buried her face in his chest. She shook uncontrollably as the sobs of family betrayal and hurt racked her delicate body. James gently rubbed her back and kissed her head, her anguish painfully squeezing his heart.

Charlie and Tina hastily dropped what they had been doing and sat on the arms of the chair, offering their comfort. They cast sympathy glances at each other and the three other concerned men in the room, as well as questioning ones at James. He just shook his head slightly, meaning for them to wait until Lily was calm.

When she'd cried that morning, it had only been a whisper of what was tearing at her now. Her throat swelled painfully, her head ached unmercifully from the strain. Her strength was draining, and soon she could no longer hold herself, and slumped limply on James. But the tears still came, and her heart still bled.

It'd been obvious ever since that fateful morning six and a half years ago when Lily had found a strange letter tucked in a heavy, yellowish envelope, that Petunia had withdrawn from her.

They used to play dress-up with their late grandmother's dresses and jewelry they'd found in the attic. They'd danced around, tripping over the hems of the too-big dresses, pretending they were at a royal ball and were waltzing with their handsome princes. Mark had laughed while Maggie'd snapped pictures. Pictures that had been placed in a photo album Lily had flipped through occasionally to reminisce. A photo album that would be a pile of ashes now, leaving her nothing but the fuzzy memories in her mind.

Lily had helped Petunia pick out her outfit, hairstyle, and jewelry for her first date. The whole time she'd daydreamed about her first date and what it would be like. Back then she'd hoped Michael Plander would be the one to take her out to the local cinema to watch a movie, then buy her a pepperoni pizza after that.

But her life had been forever altered. She'd been given the choice of uncovering the mystery of what she truly was, or staying behind in the comfort of what she already knew. She had never regretted her decision of going to Hogwarts. Never. Until now.

Had it been worth this, this pain? Was Petunia right, would this not have happened if she'd declined the invitation in the letter? How much would her life have been as it is now? How much would she have never known?

Would she have found James one way or another?

This is what she'd wanted to avoid by graduating early this spring. She'd wanted to avoid the tension and awkwardness between her and her sister. Would she have been able to get around those obstacles, if only she'd given up what she'd come to be a part of? Would Petunia have given her another chance to rejoin what she'd been born into?

But if she went back to the Muggle world, she wouldn't be able to just pick up where she'd left off. She'd have serious trouble finding a job where a degree from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry would be accepted.

When she graduates, she'd be alone. Especially if Petunia stuck to her oath of never wanting to have anything to do with her ever again.

So what was the point, then? There wasn't one. Her childhood as a regular redheaded girl had burned to the ground with her house. Petunia had disowned her. What did she have left there?

Nothing.

But she did have a place in the Wizarding world, where people like her were around every corner. Sure, there'd be some prejudice to bear, but it was nothing she couldn't handle. She's not normally one to have her opinions of self waver because of a few harsh words. She's strong; she can take care of herself.

Ironically, isn't she weeping right now because of a few choice words on her sister's part?

And James was here. That was reason in itself for her to stay. To stay with him.

Forever.

If he would have her.

_Whoa,_ Lily thought. _Getting a little ahead of yourself here._

But she did love him, and he loved her. She didn't doubt that. He'd stick by her no matter what she chose. They'd battle the odds together. Or so she made herself believe.

Besides, wouldn't it be fun to chase around little black-haired Mini Marauders as they tried out the new toy brooms they'd gotten for their birthdays?

Something to dwell on.

By now she'd stopped crying and was just hiccupping on James's shoulder. Their friends and his parents were circled around them, but she didn't care. She didn't want to hide it.

She kissed his jaw so he would look at her. "I love you." Her voice was surprisingly clear and steady compared to her still trembling body.

His eyes roamed over her pale face, her tear stained cheeks, her red and puffy eyes.

He'd never seen anything so beautiful.

He softly kissed the tip of her nose. "I love you, too."

Tina had tears gathering in her eyes as she proudly watched the tender scene. She reached for Seth's hand and he gave hers a squeeze to let her know that he was feeling the same sentiments.

Charlie was smiling lightly and unconsciously leaning back against Sirius, who stood behind where she sat on the arm of the chair.

Remus looked at the Potters, a couple which had been together over twenty-five years and were still going strong. He looked at Lily and James, the latter with his arms wrapped around her, cradling possessively yet delicately. He'd been getting ideas that James had taken to Lily over the past few weeks, but it didn't cushion his surprise at seeing the former rivals contenting themselves simply with the others' presence. Then his gaze shifted to Charlie and Sirius.

Charlie was still with Kalvin. But he wasn't perceptive for nothing. Remus's radar was picking up some unhappiness on her end.

And what about Sirius? Remus had noticed the stony look in his gray eyes whenever Kalvin was around. Sirius was a known player, but— Remus chuckled to himself. It seems the commitment-phobe was in a tight spot.

Later that night, Lily was thinking over the rest of the day as she sat on her bed and brushed her hair. She'd contacted her neighborhood priest, but he'd said Petunia had already ordered cremation and was taking the liberty of spreading the ashes. Lily hadn't even argued; it would have been a fruitless attempt.

She talked with James about her final decision to stay in the Wizarding world. He'd looked so relieved. After that they'd just snuggled in front of the fire and chatted about families and childhoods, memories and dreams. Before she had admittedly felt like she didn't really know anything about him, but now that she did, she only loved him more.

Tina was already growing on her. Lily didn't feel little tinges of grief when Tina fussed about with Zeeny like any mother would; she just felt fondness.

After dinner James had had a 'meeting' with Seth. Afterwards he'd confessed to her that Seth had told James that he would personally use the Killing Curse on him if he'd so much as hurt one strand of her 'cute, curly red locks'. After the threat though, they'd spent some father/son quality time telling each other how much they loved their fiery redheads. Lily chuckled.

There was a soft knock on her door. "Come in." She looked up to see Sirius poke his head in. "Hey."

"Hey." He gazed around a bit. "Mind if I join you?" He came and sat next to her on the bed when she shook her head.

They were quiet for a moment, and then abruptly Sirius said, "You know, we're not all that different."

Her eyebrows furrowing, she asked, "How so?"

"We're both the black sheep in our families."

"But you're a pureblood. I don't understand."

Sirius sighed and lay back on the bed, linking his fingers behind his head as he stared up at the ceiling. "My family's pureblood yes, but they also believe in the very ancient ways. Ways that don't include Muggles. Thousands and thousands of years ago, the entire Wizarding World was made up of purebloods." He squinted in concentration. "I think my mother told me once the story of how blood started to mix. Something about lots of alcohol and a baby conceived out of wedlock.

"Anyway, today the Blacks and many other pureblood families, including the Malfoys, are still against Muggles, Muggleborns, basically anyone that's not pureblood.

"When I was little, I remember my mother telling me stories about how awful it was to be a Muggle, and that we should finally get rid of all of them, instead of bedtime fairy tales. And I remember thinking, What's the difference? They're human like us. Why should I hate them? As I grew older, I started professing my beliefs. My parents were not happy. Whenever we'd have guests over they'd lock me in my room so I wouldn't 'embarrass' them. They were worried, bitterly, and hoped that when I went to Hogwarts, I'd get sorted into Slytherin and grow out of the phase, as they called it.

"But that didn't happen. I found James; his family is of purebloods as old as mine, but they're more open-minded, and don't belittle Muggles. I relaxed. I wasn't the only one with the opinion. I think it was because of those opinions, I got put in Gryffindor. The Hat had been about to put me in Slytherin, where every single Black had been placed for ages, but I'd begged it not to. It had been surprised, and for some reason very proud. Now I know it's because I choose not become a narrow-minded Slytherin.

"My parents had been outraged, truly outraged. They had yelled and yelled at me about how I was a disgrace and that I tarnished the family name. And I hadn't even felt ashamed; I'd been proud that I'd taken a stand."

Sirius sat up on his elbows and studied her for a moment. "Can I trust you to keep a confidence, Lily? One that not even James knows?"

She raised her eyebrows in surprise at first, but then her chest swelled with pride. "Of course you can, Sirius."

"I've kept this to myself over the years, but the reason why I was happy to make my parents so angry was because I'd looked up to James. I'd idolized him, and still do, as a matter of fact. I saw how good his family was to him; he'd been a surprise late in life for them. Everyone loved the Potters. I wanted to be a part of that. I wanted to be told I love you by my mother everyday. I wanted a dad to teach me Quidditch. James had that. I wasn't ever jealous, or even envious, just… I dunno, it was wishful thinking.

"I could never thank Tina and Seth enough for taking me in the summer before last. I'd had the worst fight with my family, and they'd hit me around a bit. I'd had enough, gathered some things and took the Knight Bus to James's house. Tina had started fussing over me right away. Never in my life had I felt more loved than I had when she'd cleaned me up. I owe them a lot."

He sat up straight and faced Lily. Taking her hands in his own, he concluded, "I've been disowned from my family because I'm different. So have you." He abruptly smiled. "But it's not so bad, being black sheep. At least we're not normal." He pretended to shudder. Lily couldn't help it, she snorted. Leave to Sirius to lighten the mood.

She'd never known Sirius as the kind of guy that would get so heartfelt and, well, serious. He's always poked around, joking about something. On impulse, she threw her arms around his neck and embraced him tightly. For some reason, it eased the pain of family deceit, knowing that she wasn't alone.

Pulling back, she framed his face with her hands and pecked his lips with a kiss. It didn't spark tension because it wasn't given romantically. Both she and Sirius felt a bond, like one would have with a close sibling. "Thank you for sharing this with me, Sirius. It helped. But, I have something to ask you." She paused before asking cautiously, "Are you okay with Charlie and Kalvin going out?"

In his eyes she saw that he was brainstorming a lie. "Sirius, you can tell me. You've already earned my confidence, remember."

He waited beat before sighing. Pulling out of her grasp, he stood to pace, running his hands threw his hair the way James would. "I don't know. I'm uncomfortable with it, yes, but I can't figure out why."

Lily rose to walk to him. "Sirius, do you have feelings for Charlie?"

Looking greatly disturbed, he replied, "I… I don't think so. It could be just an older brother-like thing. You two girls have really gotten under our skin. I just don't know."


	11. Fame Isn't Everything

**Chapter 10: **_Fame Isn't Everything_

"Just ignore them," James said the next day when there was a knock at the door. "They'll get the hint sooner or later." They'd closed the curtains over every window in every room, bolted all of the doors shut, and had disconnected the Floo for the time being.

They were gathered once again in the living room, relaxing. Or would be, if it weren't for the pounding on the door every ten minutes. Another firm knock was heard. Closing the book she was trying to read to rub at her temples, Lily sighed, "I have to talk to them sometime."

"No, you don't. Not if you don't want to."

"James, if I don't get something in the paper for people to read, I'll be bombarded with questions at Hogwarts. I really don't want that."

Turning this over in his mind, James knew she was right in a sense. He sighed while asking, "Do you want me to go with you?"

Lily contemplated this. After all, he's the one suggesting it, and she would like someone for support. Other than having to tell Dumbledore and a few Ministry officials, she hadn't had to repeat the events of that night. "I would appreciate it, yes."

Charlie piped up. "They're going to take a lot of pictures, so you'd best wear something you'd want people to see you in."

Twenty minutes later, Lily joined James at the bottom of the stairs after they'd both changed. It appeared that James had tried to comb down his hair. Pursing her lips together, Lily reached up and rumpled it.

"Not working, is it?" James asked, scrunching up his nose.

She laughed lightly. "I used to hate it when you'd mess it up. Now I realize it fits you, and want to run my hands through it myself."

They walked to the front door and paused. Abruptly, James said, "You know they're going to ask about us."

Lily turned to him and tilted her head to one side. "Yes."

"What do you want to tell them?"

A slow smile formed on her lips. "That we're getting married so our child won't be illegitimate." Then she threw back her head and laughed at the stunned expression on his face. Slapping him on the arm lightly, she said, "The truth, of course." She stepped close and hooked her arms around his neck.

"That we're boyfriend and girlfriend?"

"Certainly not. We're paramours."

Catching on, James smirked as he wrapped his arms around her waist. "Not quite. Yet."

Lily found that she didn't even blush. She wasn't embarrassed to imagine James being her first. In fact, she wouldn't want anyone else to take her most prized personal possession. Rubbing her nose on his, she said, "We're lovers."

"They won't believe seventeen-year-olds can fall in love."

"Doesn't matter what they believe. We know we love each other."

He looked at her for a moment. He was surprised how fast they'd gone in one day. He'd always taken Lily for someone that would take extra precaution to make sure she didn't get too cozy with anyone. But here she was, enfolded in his arms, telling him she loved him. Oh, how long he'd waited for that.

He closed the small gap between them and pressed his lips to hers. He hadn't been able to close off the part of his mind that had been warning him she was going to turn around suddenly and say, "You foolish boy, why would I love you?" He traced his tongue around the outside of her lips. On a surprised gasp, they parted, and he didn't waste the opportunity to deftly slip his tongue inside to meet hers.

When she pulled back slightly, Lily was breathless. What had come over him? Before she could wonder though, he was clutching her tightly against him and burying his face in her hair. It was as if he was afraid to let go. Sensing he needed some sort of comfort or reassurance, she rubbed his back in soothing circles.

After a minute he quietly commanded, "Say it again."

She briefly wondered what he meant, then smiled. "I love you."

"Do you?" He pulled back and put his hands on her shoulders. "After just realizing it yesterday morning, do you really?"

What's with the uncertainty? Her eyebrows came together and she frowned. Thinking about it, she had no doubt. "Yes," she answered firmly, wanting him to know she was sincere. Taking his face in her hands, she asked, "James, what's wrong?"

He only shook his head as if to clear it and kissed her forehead. "Nevermind." He took out his wand and unlocked the door. They could hear the reporters on the other side start to talk excitedly. Looking back at her, he asked, "You sure?"

Nodding determinedly, she took his hand and sucked in a deep breath as he pulled open the door. Instantly, cameras were flashing and people were shouting questions at once.

"Lily, what really happened—"

"Is it true you've been targeted—"

"What about your sister—"

"How will you go on—"

"Where are you staying—"

"Lily, over here—"

"Please," Lily said patiently, raising her voice to be heard. "I'm going to answer questions that I see fit to be answered. Now, one at a time. You, in the back." She pointed to woman.

"Did you see your parents die?"

James had shut the door and squeezed Lily's hand in support when he'd heard the question.

"No."

The reporters waited a beat to see if she was going to elaborate. She didn't. She was going to answer what they asked.

"Where were you, then?" another asked.

"Upstairs."

"In your bedroom?"

"Yes."

"Doing what?"

"Getting my wand."

"You hadn't had your wand with you?"

"Right."

When they cast exasperated glances at each other, Lily sighed. "Look, here's how it happened. My parents and I had been sitting in the living room relaxing when I'd heard a twig snap outside. I didn't put much thought to it until I heard more footsteps. Then I heard the lock on the back door come undone. I grabbed both my parents and hid them in a closet. I now realize that wasn't the brightest idea, but I was in a panic. I'd left my wand upstairs and went to go get it. While there, I sent an S.O.S. with my owl to James, here. Then I heard my mum scream."

She shuddered, still able to remember that terrified shriek. With odd humor, she saw that the Quick Quotes Quills were practically smoking trying to get everything she was saying written. The reporters were hanging onto her every word.

"I ran downstairs like a madwoman and saw my parents dead on the floor. A group of black hooded figures with skeleton masks were around them and turned to me when I came in. They gave chase as I ran out the front door. One of them set my house on fire." She paused, amusing herself by making them sick with anticipation.

"Then what?" someone burst impatiently.

"Before they could do anything, Voldemort—"

"You dare say his name?" one reporter asked with a mixture of admiration and suspense.

Lily looked her straight in the eye. "Yes. As I was saying, before they could do anything, though, Voldemort showed up and said he wanted to take care of me himself—"

"What were his exact words?"

Not knowing whether she was doing herself a favor or only digging the hole deeper, Lily replied, "'Leave the prodigy to me. You've been a real burden upon me, but now, that will come to an end, girl.' Then he raised his wand and was halfway through saying the Killing curse when Professor Dumbledore arrived."

"And…?"

"They argued a bit, and Voldemort tried the Killing curse on me again. Only I conjured a chair at the last second and intercepted it." Lily had to fight a smirk when some of their mouths actually dropped open.

"You… You _stopped_ a Killing curse? Sent by… by You-Know-Who?" someone stuttered.

"No," Lily corrected lightly. "I just made sure it didn't hit me."

Mutters and murmurs broke out and she swore she heard, "No wonder he wants her. She's got to be the first to have done it!"

"Carrying on," Lily shushed them, "Voldemort and Professor Dumbledore started dueling—"

"What happened to the Death Eaters?"

"They didn't move, simply because they hadn't been commanded to, I'm guessing. Anyway, they were dueling and suddenly Voldemort Disapparates, only to Apparate again behind me. Cast the Cruciatus Curse on me. You don't know pain until you've been under it." This time she squeezed James's hand instead of shuddering.

"I didn't give him the satisfaction of hearing me scream. That only made him angry. Just as I was about to pass out, he let up to duel with Professor Dumbledore again. I noticed more people had arrived, including James, and our friends, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. I stunned the Death Eater Sirius was dueling, then Remus's. Remus had started to ask me if I was all right when Voldemort grabbed me." James stiffened beside her.

"He grabbed you… how?"

_Pervert. _"Pulled my back against him and put his wand to my throat. He said that he was going to do what he had come to do. Before he could kill me, though, I kicked him where it hurts a man—though I don't think he can be called human—elbowed him in the stomach, and stomped on his foot. He let me go. Before he left he spat, 'You've won this battle, Mudblood, but you didn't come out unscathed.' He Disapparated, followed by his cronies. I went into shock, and James brought me back here."

_Wow, _Lily thought._ Must hand it to those Quills. The one I use for taking notes would have keeled over by now._

The reporters turned to James and eyed him up. One stated more than asked, "You're the grandson of Nathaniel and Annabel Potter, two of the best Aurors of the Ministry. Son of Seth and Justine Potter, the Curse Breakers that retired early because they'd been so successful."

"That's right."

"Are you two involved?"

That's what Lily had been waiting for. "Very." To put an exclamation point on the end, she turned to James, wrapped her arms around his neck as she'd done before, pressed chest to chest, and gave him a full-blown French kiss. He didn't hesitate to reciprocate. Cameras snapped and flashed to catch what's bound to be hot gossip for quite a while.

Sure enough, the next morning, there was quite the article in the _Daily Prophet._ After reading it, Sirius let out a whoop and, referring to the picture of Lily and James kissing, said, "I'm going to blow up that picture and hang it all over the entire school!"

Lily nearly choked on her eggs. "Sirius Black, you will not! It's bad enough that it's in the paper."

"But you must remember, Lily Flower, that you put it there. Besides, if I don't, surely someone will."

He had a point, but Lily wasn't about to admit it. She knew he was trying to cover up his shock of reading what truly happened that night. She appreciated his effort to lighten the situation, however, so she let him be.

Lily'd been startled to hear what the reporter had said about James's parents and grandparents, but she hadn't dwelled over it. She'd found some books that told briefly of their famous success. She was just glad that she was getting to know the personal side of Tina and Seth, and not just assuming what they were like by their professional status.

Through the last few days of the Christmas holiday, James and Lily spent their time evenly between their time together, and time with everyone else. Peter owled to say that he wouldn't be able to join them at all; his parents were keeping him at home to spend "quality family time" together. He wrote his sympathy and shock for Lily, having read the paper, and thanked them for the presents he'd been sent.

They visited Diagon Alley so Lily could get new robes and school supplies. She hated knowing that everywhere she went it was her name being whispered behind hands. Some people stole side-glances at her, while others openly stared. There was one shy little girl that came up to Lily, all for the shake of her hand. Lily put up with all of this, consoled by James's presence.

She was sure of one thing though. It was better to be famous and remembered for something great, something that entertained, than to always be known as the one who'd narrowly escaped death. Sure, she was an inspiration, and the means for many people to hope, but she'd rather be remembered for something that made people feel all fuzzy and warm inside.

The day before Lily, James, Sirius, Remus, and Charlie were to return to school, James's grandparents Nate and Anna Potter visited. Nate, despite his old age, had the trademark Potter hair, though with several silver strands. His eyes were chocolate brown. If they'd been blue, and Nate had had fewer wrinkles, he and Seth would have probably looked like twins. Anna was tall and slim, had strawberry-blonde hair and misty gray-green eyes.

Lily noticed the coincidental patterns. How couldn't she? Nate and Seth looked alike, except for the eyes, so would James and his son appear similarly? The Potters have kept their line going on just the first-born son, so would James only have son? Anna was tall and skinny, Tina was short and stout, and Lily herself was short but skinny. Not to mention the three of them had different shades of red hair.

Nate and Anna weren't strict, old-fashioned, or straight-backed. On the contrary, they were lively and spry, full of gossip and eagerly soaked in the news they hadn't heard from the grapevine yet. They joked with their family and Sirius (he was practically their grandson, after all), and gave Lily the appropriate condolences. They got reacquainted with Remus, asked about Peter, and were introduced to Charlie.

That night, the five teenagers packed their trunks for the last half of their final year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.


	12. Interlude: As the Storm Raged

**Chapter 11: **_As the Storm Raged_

Far away, he could hear the steady drip, drip as some of the rain that thrashed overhead leaked through the weak ceiling. Wind howled violently, screaming at him, screaming its hatred of him. As the wind's ally, thunder boomed and roared its disapproval. Through the cracked windows he could see lightening streak through the air, desperately reaching for ground.

But he knew the old wooden shack would hold. It had creaked and whined under the perpetual storm's pressure, but it withheld, as it would until he needed to find new cover.

He hated that. Running, running, always running so he wouldn't be found, so he couldn't be taken over just as he was getting started. An evil grin twisted what used to be full, handsome lips as he thought about his progress.

In the few months since he'd come out into the open, since he'd thought himself ready, powerful enough, he'd already made fear tear through the wizarding world like wild fire. Now, he mused with a chuckled, now, all he had to do was heighten that fright. Make them so scared they'll all become insomniacs, because they were worried he'd come kill them in their beds as they slept.

Good, that was good. It would be so… tedious to kill them that tidily, that quietly. He wanted them to be aware and attentive as he tortured them, as he bathed in their screams, as he showed them their rightful place in the wizarding world.

Which was no place at all.

It was his duty to wipe out all impurities. Lowering the population would be a risk, of course, but what difference would it make whether the men and women bred with only their spouses? It's not like the world wasn't already filled with infidelity and deception. So why not mix and mingle?

How could so many of the pureblooded ancestors alike let the muggles take over the population like this? It was disgusting, and he would not tolerate it. So he was doing something about it.

He was pulled from his thoughts when he heard footsteps approaching the door to his chamber. There was a hesitant knock, and he granted the visitor entrance.

Lucius Malfoy knelt to kiss Lord Voldemort's robes and shoes.

"Rise," commanded Voldemort in a bored voice. Malfoy obeyed, but his head was still bowed to show his inferiority. "Is everything in its proper place?"

Malfoy looked up then, into eyes as red as bleeding roses, eyes as cold and distant as hell frozen over. "The student has been bewitched, my Lord, given the potion, and has been instructed of what they are to do with it."

"He can be trusted with the burden of this task?"

"Under the Imperious, yes."

"I should hope so. That isn't the easiest of potions to brew, let alone gather the ingredients for. The student can be trust to not throw off the spell?"

"Yes, my Lord."

"Has she returned to school?"

"The train just took them back today, my Lord."

Voldemort let tense silence hang and become deafening until, "Very well. You may go, Lucius."

Malfoy bent to give Voldemort's shoes once last kiss before bowing out.

In his lonesome the Dark Lord went over his flawless plan in his mind. It was simple enough, but to be applied would take some deft sneaking.

Just a drop, a single drop ingested into the body would create pain so great the Cruciatus Curse would be welcomed as a blessing. And this pain would be constant, nonstop, for days. There was no doubt the victim wouldn't beg to find mercy in death.

The blood traitor and his mudblood whore were in Voldemort's way. But he wasn't afraid of them. That would be absurd. He was anything but a coward. He was simply a man that loved to make people cower.

The mudblood would go first. With her gone, the blood traitor would weaken. A shrill cackle echoed within the empty room.

Fools, they're all fools. Love was for fools. Love made one weak, made one blind, and in the end would be one's downfall. Power made one strong, made helped one climb to the top to dominate.

Power is the key.

And without Lily Evans and James Potter blocking his path, Voldemort will have plenty of power, with only more to gain.


	13. Excrutio Venenum

**Chapter 12: **_Excrutio Venenum_

Lily sat in the Gryffindor common room, curled up tightly in a ball in a cushiony armchair that she'd scooted closer to the fire she'd restarted. No one else was up at this late hour, and for that she was grateful. She needed this time to herself. To think.

Some nights she would awaken from dreams—or nightmares—about her parents. They could be happy memories, or they could be some the worst moments of her life. Tonight had been different.

She'd seen her mother, and it had seemed as if she was trying to tell her something. Her mouth would move, but Lily wouldn't ever hear words, or any sound for that matter. Her mother had started out with calm composure that had quickly escaladed into furious frustration when she'd seen that Lily was not listening. The message must have been important, but Lily couldn't read lips.

What did it mean? What had her mother been trying to say? Lily wished she knew, wished the curiosity wasn't clawing at her.

And because the dream had left loose ends, Lily decided to just shut it out until it meant something more, or until she had more pieces to the puzzle.

It was just a dream, after all.

It had been two months since they'd returned to school. Eight full weeks of chatter, gossip, and rumors—all of which usually included her. She was doing her best to put up with it, to ignore it, to answer the questions she felt comfortable answering. But the frustration and the annoyance with everyone were building up inside her like a volcano.

"Lily, how did you ever survive?" "What did he _really_ look like?" "Oh, Lily, I'm so sorry about your mum and dad." "Is it true that you and James Potter are going out?"

Yes, Lily answered mentally. Yes, she and James were still going strong. It was a plus that each of their groups of friends got along together, too.

They walked to classes together, sat by each other at meals—totally normal things that couples do. They had casual, polite conversations, or they had long and patient conversations that vented stored-up energy, negative or positive.

Lily understood when he needed time to himself or time to just spend with his friends, and he understood when she needed the same. They worked together, laughed together, and put each other in their place when appropriate.

She was still in love with him. Sappy as it sounds, it felt as if every day the emotion just grew stronger and more impenetrable. Sometimes she'd just be sitting there, thinking completely contrary thoughts, when _bam!_ sentiments and romantic memories would burst before her eyes as if they never wanted her to forget, not even for a few minutes.

Presently, Lily's eyes drooped as she pulled her dressing gown closer for warmth, for the flames were dwindling. She didn't feel she had the energy to get up and stoke them, so she just gazed as they shrunk, yet flickered defiantly, determined to burn until the very last of their fuel was gone.

Charlie and Kalvin had broken up just last week. They'd had their first—and last—fight. Charlie had brooded for a few days, but was back to her old self. Although, she still didn't speak even the slightest hint of what the fight had been about.

Lily had supported her and so had everyone else. But Lily noticed that Sirius seemed to have a ghost of a smile playing around his lips, strangely since Charlie and Kalvin's fight.

Big mystery, that was.

No, Lily had figured out a long time ago which kind of fondness Sirius had for Charlie. Some might be big-brother protection, but she'd caught him staring at her best friend's lips when he thought no one else was looking.

Maybe he'd fallen in lust with Charlie, but Lily figured that a guy like Sirius could easily scratch that itch. No, she thought as she watched yet another flame die, it was something deeper. Maybe not much deeper, but deeper.

With an abrupt thought, Lily wondered how Petunia was. Was she married yet? Was she happy? Was she still grieving Mum and Dad? As bitter as the sisters' last meeting had been, Lily still regretted that she wouldn't even be keeping in touch with her last blood relative. She hated knowing that someone hated her (besides the Slytherins, of course. That she'd grown used to).

Just more prejudice, Lily mused, fighting to keep her eyes open and her mind focused. The famous muggle book by Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird, came to mind.

Suddenly, she was jolted awake as alarm slammed through her system. She sprung out of her armchair, wand outthrust, and whipped around.

The beam of light she'd mentally conjured shone into the big, bright blue eyes of a first year girl Lily knew by face but couldn't think of the name to match. The blue pools were widened in fright, and the poor girl had frozen, but now stood shaking like an earthquake.

Kimmy, Lily remembered. The girl's name was Kimmy. She was small, even for her age, and was also the youngest of her year. Her hair was disheveled around her face from sleep; the color was such a pale blonde that Lily swore she could almost see straight through it. Her skin was pale from being scared, but Lily knew it to be fair naturally. But now that she thought about it, the girl had been looking very sickly and tired ever since school started again.

"I'm sorry," Lily said so quietly it was nearly a whisper. "I was just sitting here." Her lips curved ever so slightly. "I think you scared me as much as I scared you."

When the girl didn't move, barely breathed, Lily frowned and cautiously took a baby step toward her. Still Kimmy didn't move. Lily slowly held out her hand. "Kimmy, right? Come here, Kimmy. I won't hurt you. I'm sorry I frightened you."

Lily held back a shudder as those big blue eyes just stared back at her. There was something eerily creepy about them. They weren't adorable, as they would appear at first glance. But spooky. Glazed. Secrets swam in those eyes, but none close enough to the surface to interpret.

Then, without a word, Kimmy turned around and climbed back up the stairs, leaving Lily baffled.

"She was probably sleep walking," Sirius suggested when Lily told him, James, Remus, Peter, and Charlie about it at breakfast. "Little kids do it all the time." He shoved an entire piece of sausage into his mouth in one go.

"Like you," Remus muttered obviously under his breath, going into a fake coughing fit to cover it.

"I do not sleep walk. I can be restless in my sleep," Sirius clarified. "Big difference."

"How?" Lily asked dubiously.

"Sleep walking is like what mummies do when they're awakened from the dead." To demonstrate, Sirius got up and stood in the aisle. Stiff legged, arms held out in front of him, he wobbled slowly to and fro with an occasional moan.

"Definitely. I just read a book on updated statistics. Handfuls of mummies are awakening daily, they say," Lily said with a serious expression. Charlie snorted next to her. Sirius frowned as he sat again. "Anyway, people who sleep walk don't always walk around like that. Hardly ever, really. In fact, sleep walkers have actually held full conversations." She spooned up some porridge. "Something about how the different parts of your brain work."

"If you have one." Charlie rapped her knuckles on the top of Sirius's head. He narrowed his eyes at her playfully and they seemed to suddenly be immersed in their own world. Lily had to clear her throat to have them crashing back to Earth.

"So," James began from across the table, "she was sleep walking. Typical. Nothing to sweat about."

Lily stared at her scrambled eggs intently as she pushed them around with her fork. It should make sense, she thought. So why didn't it? Why is my sixth sense going off? "Yeah. No sweat."

The six silently agreed that that was the end of the discussion, and ate more of their breakfast.

"Lily?"

The redhead turned in her seat and found herself being addressed by Kimmy. She was twitching oddly, causing Lily's eyebrows to frown in both concern and curiosity. "Yes, Kimmy?"

"I… I wanted to apologize about last night. In the common room." The usually high and youthful voice was squeaky and stuttering. "I don't know exactly what happened, but I remember seeing you, and Natalie told me this morning that I had been sleep walking again. I figured I'd run into along the way of things. So, to apologize for any inconvenience, I wanted to offer you a goblet of pumpkin juice before you had any."

With jerky movements, the petite girl held out a goblet of liquid.

Lily glanced at the full goblet in front of her plate. Strange, she thought. Maybe Kimmy thought it was someone else's. But why in the world would she give me _juice_?

To be polite, Lily put on a bright smile as she took the cup from the girl. The girl stared at her intensely while she twitched and trembled. She waited. Her head started to shake _no_ softly.

Catching the drift, Lily drank generously from the goblet, and refrained from grimacing. That was _not _pumpkin juice.

Unexpectedly, Kimmy fell to the floor, sobbing as she screamed, "No! Stop! I won't! Don't tell me to anymore! Stop!"

Every head in the Great Hall turned to look at her, and professors were standing and hurrying down. Lily hastily kneeled next to the weeping girl and cradled her head in her arms.

"Kimmy, what's wrong? Kimmy, look at me. It's Lily, Lily Evans. What's wrong?"

The girl came to, and gazed at Lily calmly as her breath heaved. James came to kneel next to Lily, and they shared a confused glance. Then, Kimmy grabbed Lily by the shirtfront with surprising strength and demanded, "Did you drink it? Did you drink it? Please, please, tell me you didn't drink it."

Lily looked at her as if she had spurted several more heads. "The juice?" she asked stupidly.

"Yes!" Kimmy exclaimed impatiently. "Yes, the juice! Did you drink it?"

"Er… a bit."

Kimmy wailed. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to! Please, you can't blame me! They made me do it!"

Dumbledore, along with many other professors, now joined Lily on their knees. Turning Kimmy's face toward him, he asked in a soothing tone, "Do what, dear?" Lily noticed a slight edge to his voice, however, as if the answer was important.

Kimmy ignored him though and, tearing her head out of the headmaster's grasp, threw her arms around Lily's neck. "I'm so, so sorry! I didn't mean to, I didn't!"

Lily held the child as she wept, rocking her as she exchanged bewildered glances with the professors and her friends.

All she could think was: Oh, my freaking Lord. What's happened?

She tried to carry on with her day as normally as possible. She went from class to class, doing her best to ignore the whispers and stares. Just when things were dying down, she mused ironically. Now they're all riled up again.

She also noticed her professors would make sure to keep one eye trained on her more often that not.

It wasn't until Care of Magical Creatures, her last class of the day, that she felt the throbbing. It wasn't a required class, but she loved animals, and them being magical only made it more fascinating to her. She'd managed to drag Charlie into it with her, despite her friend's disgust for the outdoors.

It was there she felt it. It was dull, just a slight pounding in her abdomen.

Halfway through the class, it had spread to her torso and thighs, and was sharper.

By the time the class was being excused, it was everywhere, pulsating through her veins.

It's just the aches, Lily told herself. It'll pass in no time.

But it didn't.

When she and Charlie had gained only a portion of the trail back to the school, a sudden invisible knife jabbed into her and twisted. Lily gasped, and felt to her knees on the dirt path instantly. It wouldn't stop.

"Lily?" Charlie asked, concerned. "Lily, what's the matter? Are you okay?"

All Lily could manage was to merely shake her head.


	14. It Begins

**Chapter 13: **_It Begins_

"Are you dizzy? What? What?" Charlie was beside herself. When Lily just curled up into a ball on her side, she said, "I'm going to go get Kettleburn. I'll be right back."

Charlie turned and dashed down the dirt path. She saw the Care of Magical Creatures professor discussing something with Hagrid, Hogwart's half-giant keeper of keys. She started calling to them when she was still yards away.

"What is it?" Kettleburn asked when the brunette reached them. "What's happened?"

"Lily—hurt—needs—help—" Charlie managed to puff out. She pointed up to where Lily still lay on the ground.

The professor and Hagrid were already hurrying forward. "Dumbledore said something was afoot," Kettleburn muttered to Hagrid. Then to Charlie, he instructed, "Miss Simmons, you must go collect the headmaster and Professor McGonagall. Warn Madam Pomfrey in the hospital wing that we are coming, and then gather Miss Evans's friends. She's going to need support."

Charlie, fearing for her best friend, tapped into her energy stores and sprinted ahead. When she came to Lily, she quickly knelt beside her said, "Help is coming, Lily. I'm going to go get James."

Lily managed to peek through her eyelids, and the eyes that locked on Charlie's were glazed with pain, dilated with shock, and so, so scared. Without further ado, Charlie leapt to her feet and ran into the castle.

Moments later Professor Kettleburn and Hagrid reached her. "Miss Evans, what happened? What's wrong?" Kettleburn tried asking, but all he got in reply were moans. He leaned back, nodded to Hagrid. The gigantic man bent over, scooped Lily into his arms where he cradled her like a doll, and he and the professor started for the school.

Charlie whipped through corridor after corridor. Managing to glance at a clock as she passed one, she headed for Gryffindor Tower. To early for dinner, she thought, and classes just ended. They have to be in the common room.

When she reached the portrait hole, her calves felt like they were on fire, as did her lungs with each breath she took. Doubled over, she placed her hands on her knees as she gasped out the password. "Destiny's decision."

She didn't hear anything, no portrait sliding open, no annoyed muttering from the Fat Lady. "Destiny's decision," she repeated. Still nothing. With her brows furrowed, Charlie looked up to find that the Fat Lady had left her post.

The corridor echoed Charlie's vicious but creative stream of curses.

"Damn it, of all times—" Figuring she might as well go get Dumbledore and McGonagall, Charlie turned around and started to walk away.

Just as the portrait hole slid open. "Maybe their class went long," suggested the very person Charlie had sought out to find.

Spinning around, catching the Marauders by surprise, Charlie crossed to them in two strides. Grabbing the first hand she came in contact with, which happened to be Sirius's, she tugged forcefully. "You have to come and you have to come now."

James was baffled. "Charlie, what's going on? We were just coming to find you—"

Charlie cut him off as they rounded the corner leading to the headmaster's office. "I don't even understand it myself. One minute Lily and I are walking back up to the castle after class—"

James noticed his girlfriend was missing. His cheeks paled a bit and his stomach clenched.

"—And the next Lily's collapsing on the path. Lemon drop," she guessed, coming to stand before the stone gargoyle that guarded the headmaster's office. It didn't move. "Fizzing Whizbees, Cockroach Cluster, Acid Pop, Peppermint Imps, Sugar Quills, Droobles Best Blowing Gum, Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans—argh! Just open up you stupid stone thingy!" Charlie kicked the gargoyle with all her might and ended up jamming her big toe.

"I've always been partial to cinnamon buns myself," spoke a calm, sage voice.

Hopping on one foot, Charlie bounced as fast as she could to the headmaster. "Sir, please, you must come to the hospital at once!" With that she toppled over.

As Sirius helped her to her feet, Charlie put a clinging arm around his neck for balance and looked at Dumbledore imploringly. She noted the amused sparkle had left his eyes.

"What are you talking about, Miss Simmons?"

Charlie took a deep breath. Get a grip on yourself, Simmons, she scolded herself. Panic won't help Lily much.

"Sir, something happened to Lily Evans. She and I were walking back up to the castle after Care of Magical Creatures when she just collapsed. Professor Kettleburn and Hagrid are bringing her to the hospital wing now, and Professor Kettleburn sent me to get you, Professor McGonagall, and James."

The headmaster turned around and started walking hastily. James, Remus, Peter, and Charlie, supported by Sirius, followed him.

"How was Miss Evans behaving, Miss Simmons?" Dumbledore asked as they came to the hospital wing.

"Well." Furrowing her eyebrows, Charlie tried to find the words. "Well, she was—"

"Headmaster!" Professor Kettleburn and Hagrid rounded the corner. Kettleburn was jogging in order to keep up with Hagrid's large steps. Lily was as limp as a rag doll, buried in Hagrid's arms.

Dumbledore held open the hospital's doors. "Miss Simmons has just reported to me. Fetch Professor McGonagall," he told Peter. The boy jumped with a squeak, then dashed off to comply.

Madam Pomfrey had turned down the sheets on one of the hospital beds, and was currently muttering instructions to herself as she brewed a potion. Hagrid enter the wing with Lily, followed by the headmaster, Professor Kettleburn and Charlie, James, Remus, and Sirius. The nurse flicked a glance over her shoulder. "I saw you coming up the path. One moment."

As Hagrid set Lily down on the prepared bed, James hurried forward. She curled into a ball as much as she possibly could, trying to find some sort of comfort. Her eyes were narrowed into slits of agony. James took her hand, kissed the back of it, and tried to rub warmth into it. "Lily, can you hear me? It's James."

Lily's fully dilated eyes moved to his face.

"You're in the hospital. Everyone's here. We're going to find out what's wrong."

Madam Pomfrey came to sit on the edge of Lily's bed opposite James. "Actually, we already know the problem. Here, dear, let's see if this will help." The nurse held a flask of potion up the redhead's lips, but Lily shook her head and moaned.

Madam Pomfrey pursed her lips, but handed the flask to James. "You try. She needs to take it."

James took the flask but kept it out of Lily's view. Cupping her chin, he leaned forward to lightly touch his lips to hers. "Lily, I want you to feel better. Please take this potion, love."

Again Lily shook her head. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly, but one tear managed to leak out, to drip down her nose. James, feeling helpless, set the flask on the bedside table and stood. Picking her up, he sat on the bed and placed her in his lap, cradling her like a child. Madam Pomfrey stepped forward and was about to protest, but was cut off by a sharp look from Dumbledore.

Lily, recognizing the scent and feel of him, buried her head in the side of his neck. James smoothed her hair and rocked her, whispering and murmuring support in her ear. Very slowly, he reached for the potion flask. "Please, Lily. I don't like to see you hurting. Just a sip at a time."

This time, Lily trusted him enough, and after she had taken one gulp, she shuddered and he reset the flask on the table. Glancing up, he saw the nurse and the headmaster nod at him.

Suddenly, Professor McGonagall, Professor Slughorn, and Peter burst forth into the room.

"I was speaking with Horace when Mr. Pettigrew told me about Lily," Professor McGonagall announced. "We came at once."

"Are the tests correct, Dumbledore?" Slughorn asked.

"I fear they are."

As James persuaded Lily to drink a little more of the potion, Charlie asked, "What tests? What's wrong with Lily?"

Dumbledore sighed and conjured several chairs around Lily's bed. Once they were all settled, Dumbledore began, "I took the goblet Miss Pritchard had given to Lily and gave a sample to Professor Slughorn. He ran tests, and the same conclusion came from all of them. Excrutio Venenum."

"What's Excrutio Venenum?" Charlie asked impatiently when the headmaster let the silence hang for a moment.

Dumbledore took a breath. "It's a potion that works much like poison. It was very popular centuries ago when heirs wanted to clear their path to the throne."

He nodded at Slughorn and the professor picked it up. "It's a very fine liquid. Besides a rather stale taste, it's virtually undetectable, for it gives off no foul odor and is clear as water. As Dumbledore said, it's much like poison. It seeps into the drinkers blood, and usually comes into significance nearly eight hours after being drunk."

When he sighed the headmaster continued. "Excrutio in Latin means to torment, torture, or cause great pain. Venenum stands for drug, poison, or potion." He looked at Lily with soft sympathy as she took another gulp of the potion James was feeding her. "What the potion does, exactly, is gives the drinker great, unbearable pain for forty-eight hours straight. She'll feel it everywhere mercilessly."

Slughorn, McGonagall, Kettleburn, and Pomfrey had their heads bowed. Hagrid, Charlie, and the Marauders were gaping at their headmaster in shock, their faces bloodless.

Charlie found her voice when Lily gave a short scream. "Isn't there anything we can give her to help lessen it?"

"There are many different pain-killing potions in the wizarding world, Miss Simmons," Madam Pomfrey told her in an uncharacteristically gentle tone. "We can try to give her some, even all of them, but they won't give much relief, if any at all. And after she would take them for so long, her body would become somewhat immune to them, anyway."

"So she just has to grit her teeth and live with it?" Charlie demanded angrily of all her superiors. Her voice shook slightly, however, because behind the anger and frustration was great fear for her friend. Sirius put a comforting hand on her shoulder, but she turned her head and glared at the floor.

"As much guilt as I feel saying so, Charlize," Dumbledore said, "that is precisely the only thing she can do."

"You said this potion was given to clear the path to the throne," Remus spoke up suddenly. "How would it do that?"

"The pain inflicted on the drinker will reach a peak after the twenty-four hours," Dumbledore answered. "The pain becomes to much for the body and the mind to handle, and the victims are either driven mentally insane, or they are killed."

"Oh God." Charlie's legs gave out. Luckily Sirius was behind her, and caught her before she hit the floor. She turned her face into his chest and wept quietly, murmuring, "Oh God, not Lily. Why is it always Lily?"

"Won't she eventually go unconscious, Professor?" asked Remus. "Because the pain will become so great?"

Dumbledore sighed. "That's what makes this potion so cruel. The victim has no source of relief whatsoever. No, Remus, the potion will not allow her to escape it." He conjured five chairs to be placed around Lily's bed.

He said, "As the pain grows worse, Lily's struggle against it will become more, for lack of better word, ugly. I strongly suggest that you five," he looked at the Marauders and Charlie, "as her friends, stay and give her your encouragement. If the scene becomes to much for you to watch, then you are welcome to step out."

He turned to Professor McGonagall. "Please inform the rest of the staff." As she bustled out, he told Slughorn and Kettleburn, "Would you two kindly escort Hagrid to my office? Thank you, I'll be there shortly."

When the two professors managed to drag a howling Hagrid out of the infirmary, Dumbledore said to Madam Pomfrey sternly, "Poppy, the only people I want coming through those doors, with the exception of an injury, are Professors and these five." He gestured to the group of seventh years. "Please be sure to keep Peeping Toms outside."

"Of course, Headmaster."

Remus, Peter, and Sirius, who held Charlie cradled in his lap, had seat themselves in the chairs Dumbledore had conjured. The headmaster walked over to the side of Lily's bed, and smoothed his hand down her hair as she moaned.

"Professor." Charlie sniffled and peered at him out of red-rimmed eyes. "You said pain-killers were useless, so what was that potion you had James give her?"

"It was a potion that is supposed to help protect her mind. Such a brilliant mind she has; it'd be terrible to ruin it." He sighed once again. "I don't think it'll be very effective, but it was worth a try."

Dropping his hand to his side, he announced, "I'm going to talk with Miss Pierce and see if I can discover where she got a hold of such a potion. Then I will contact St. Mungo's and ask if they have any suggestions." He stroked his long white beard in consideration. "Perhaps I should see if I could reach Lily's sister, Mrs. Dursley, I believe."

"No," Lily moaned, startling everyone in the room.

"Why ever not, Lily?" Dumbledore asked.

"She," Lily gasped, "she won't care."

He was about to question her further, but a sharp look from James cut him off. The young wizard just shook his head, and Dumbledore nodded. He began to walk toward the door. "I'll be back."

When he was gone, James looked down at his girlfriend. Her eyes were squeezed shut, her breath was shaky and gasping, and her flesh was chilled and white. His throat tightened with unshed tears. He stooped to press a kiss to her temple, whispering helplessly, "I love you, Lily. Hang on. I won't leave."

Her only response was a shrill, high-pitched scream as a new wave of pain slashed through her.


	15. Multo Subvenio, Lily's Saving Grace

**Chapter 14: **_Multo Subvenio, Lily's Saving Grace_

Within the next ten hours Dumbledore had come back to check on the situation five times. Every professor, except McGonagall, had stopped in at least once, as if to see the truth behind what they'd heard. Madam Pomfrey kept vigilant watch to make sure no unauthorized personnel entered the room.

One time when Dumbledore had visited, he'd brought news. He'd contacted specialists at St. Mungo's and they were currently searching through ancient medicinal books to see if they could find a loophole in the Excrutio Venenum potion. That was four hours ago.

Charlie, James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter had refused to leave to eat or sleep. The only exception to their unspoken rule was if one of them had to go to the bathroom. Remus had looked through some of the books Madam Pomfrey had in her office and quarters, but he couldn't concentrate on the words for more than five minutes. Peter squirmed and wiggled in his chair restlessly, and would sometimes gaze at the door longingly, most likely because he was hungry.

Charlie hadn't moved from Sirius's lap. Sure, some times in the ten hours his legs would go numb, but then he would just maneuver around Charlie to stand and pace for a while. When he'd gotten the circulation flowing in his limbs again, he would simply pick her up, seat himself, and place her on his lap once more. Neither he nor she seemed to have any problems with the seating arrangements. The two would talk in low voices, and whenever Charlie's tears started to flow anew, Sirius would console her until she'd quieted.

James had held Lily in much the same fashion throughout the hours. Slowly, the pain seemed to increase. When it was particularly bad, Lily would scream and weep loudly, and one could just see how it tore at James. He desperately wanted to give her some sort of relief, anything that would help, but there was nothing to be done.

Eventually the others started to drift off. First was Charlie, as much as she fought it, then Peter, next Remus, and after sharing some meaningful looks with his best friend, Sirius followed. But James refused to leave Lily in any way, even if it was only his consciousness going away.

When Madam Pomfrey came out to let him know that she was going to bed, he asked for a word.

"What can I do for you, Mr. Potter?" she asked quietly as she stepped over to the bedside.

"I wanted to ask if, well…if there was some sort of potion I could take to help keep me awake."

For a moment James thought she would refuse outright. But, after taking a moment to consider, she sighed and nodded. He watched her walk over to one of her store cabinets, rifle around picking up different vials and reading their labels, and then, apparently having found the one she was looking for, she came back to his side.

"It doesn't have that horrible a taste, but if you find it bothersome, I'll get you a goblet of water to wash it down."

James took the vial of snow-white liquid. Sniffing it cautiously, he glanced up at the nurse.

"Well go on, then!" she said impatiently.

He took a deep breath and, holding it, threw back the potion. It tingled down his throat like one's limb would when circulation was restored. It didn't taste so bad initially, but the after taste was enough to make him wrinkle his nose. Wordlessly, Madam Pomfrey took the vial from him and fetched him a glass of water before going to bed.

James felt the effects of the potion almost instantaneously. It didn't so much make him hyper and restless, just alert and aware of what was going on around him.

He played with Lily's hair and hummed tunelessly. He talked to her quietly, knowingly that she could hear him though she might not be able to concentrate on what exactly he was saying. He figured that the sound of his voice was enough to keep her from going hysterical.

After a surprisingly long time of six hours, Lily's screams of agony awoke the occupants of the room.

One by one Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Charlie left to take a quick shower and grab a plate of food from the kitchens before hurrying back. It took much persuasion, but they finally convinced James to let Charlie sit with Lily while he, too, freshened up.

It was around noon that everyone started to get anxious. There were only three hours until Lily reached the peak. At that point in time it would be determined whether she would take up residence on the fourth floor of St. Mungo's, or in her family's graveyard.

Dumbledore and McGonagall had stopped in between classes, neither with news and both with more useless words of consolation.

Word of Lily's condition had somehow leaked out to the student body, and had spread like wind-fed wildfire.

It was about one o'clock when Lily started to get a fever. Her skin turned rosy, and she shivered and shook uncontrollably against James. They piled heaps of blankets on her and James tried using his body heat to warm her.

When the fever climaxed, they took off some of the blankets, but not all of them, and Madam Pomfrey set a basin of cool water and a washcloth on the bedside table. James dipped the cloth into the water, wrung it out, and with it dabbed Lily's forehead.

An hour later, everyone was startled when the doors to the infirmary burst open and in trooped Professor Slughorn and Severus Snape.

Immediately tension sizzled and snapped to attention between Snape and the Marauders. Charlie didn't like him much, either, but had never been given a direct reason to hate him.

The thin, gangly seventeen-year-old was not a pretty sight for the eyes to behold. His black hair was long and greasy, his skin waxy. There was an ever-present scowl disfiguring his mouth, and his beady black eyes were narrowed. He carried a very tattered-looking book under his arm.

"Headmaster!" Slughorn bellowed. "I've found the antidote! Or rather—" He pushed Snape ahead of him. "Young Mr. Snape here has."

Dumbledore's white eyebrows disappeared under the brim of his hat. "What are you talking about, Horace? There is no antidote; St. Mungo's even confirmed so."

"Aha!" Slughorn held up one beefy finger. "That's where you're wrong! Go on, m'boy, tell them."

Snape cleared his throat. "Remember our discussion last week, Headmaster?"

"Yes, I do. Quite clearly, in fact."

"Well." The student glanced around a bit uncomfortably at all the others in the room. "I managed to come across this very old book of rare potions. The notes are handwritten, the only copy ever made. I shall discuss the details with you later."

He opened the large, dusty text to a page that had been marked. Running a finger down the page, Snape pretended to reread the contents.

"Here. Multo Subvenio. 'This potion, if properly brewed, shall counter the effects of the poisonous potion Excrutio Venenum. Multo is Latin for by far, by much, by a great deal, by a lot. Subvenio in Latin means to come to the aid, succor, relieve, help, or assist…'"

He continued to read through the background of the potion and the ingredients. Finally James burst impatiently, "We don't need to know it contains twelve blades of grass, Snape!"

"Mr. Potter," Dumbledore warned quietly. Turning back to the Slytherin, who was glaring at James, he said, "Let's get on with it, Mr. Snape."

Snape started reading from the book again. "'While countering Excrutio Venenum, Multo Subvenio will also cause side effects including: projectile vomiting, high fevers, memory lapses, and fainting spells. The drinker, if female, will most likely be incapable of becoming pregnant. If male, the drinker will forevermore be incapable of producing offspring.'"

Silence ensued.

"So," Charlie began slowly, "this potion will save Lily's life, but it will take her future baby's instead."

"Correct," Snape replied shortly, though the comment was rhetorical.

A fresh scream from Lily slashed through the room like a knife.

"I don't care if it had to take my life in place of hers, just help her!" James was losing his patience and was sending frightened ganders at the clock, which showed they only had half an hour to apply the antidote.

"James." Remus came to kneel beside the bed and look his friend in the eye. "If she takes this, she might never have children."

"If she doesn't, she'll never even have the chance to have children at all," James countered.

To the room's great surprise, Lily moaned, "Give me…the antidote. Please."

Snape didn't hesitate. "I finished brewing it just before I came." He took a small vile filled with a liquid that was black as pitch out of his robes. Walking over to stand next to Remus, book still under his arm, he outstretched his hand.

James bent a glare at his enemy before snatching the vial out of his hand. He eyed it suspiciously, glanced at Snape, who said, "No, Potter, I didn't do anything to it. Lily's only ever been nice to me, though I never returned the favor." Then he added, "She'll probably wish for something to wash that down with."

As though she'd been cued, Madam Pomfrey bustled off to fetch a glass of water. Meanwhile, James pulled the stopper out of the vial and addressed his love. "Lily, can you look at me?"

Eyes that were still fully dilated rolled up to meet his. He stooped his head, lightly touching his lips to hers, and didn't notice when Snape turned his head away.

Madam Pomfrey returned with the water. Remus took the goblet from her.

"Here, Lily. Let's hope this works."

An indignant retort was on the tip of Snape's tongue, but he held it back. For Lily's sake.

Gently James pried open her mouth and let the potion trickle down her throat. She sputtered and coughed at the awful taste, but managed to get it down. As soon as he'd emptied the vial, James traded it for the goblet of water. He held it to Lily's lips, and she greedily sipped it.

"I should tell you," Snape drawled abruptly, "it'll get worse before it'll get better, just as everything does."

No sooner had the words left his mouth, Lily let out peals of fresh, high-pitch screams. She struggled, twisting her slight frame back and forth. "Snape!" James bellowed ominously as he tried to calm her.

But her pain only lasted as long as one could count to five. Then it was over, and Lily lay limp, crying with relief in James's arms. Snape inclined his head and informed, "The pain is gone, but the vomiting and fevers will go on for the next twenty-four hours. The lapses in memory and the fainting should last a week."

With that, he marched over to the headmaster. "We'll discuss this in an hour. Please bring that with you," said Dumbledore, indicating the book Snape was still carrying. Snape gave him a nod of acknowledgement, then left the infirmary.

Suddenly Lily was scrambling over James to get to the side of the bed. Once there, she proceeded to dry heave, since she hadn't eaten anything for more than a day.

An hour later, Severus Snape sat in a cushiony chair in front of the headmaster's desk. Dumbledore was leafing through the rare potions book at his leisure, every once in a while stopping to read through a page.

"I daresay you acquired this where I believe you have, Severus," he said at length.

"The Dark Lord's library, yes, sir," Snape confirmed.

"Ah," was all the older man said.

Several minutes passed with only the sound of the pages being turned. Finally, Snape cleared his throat before saying, "Erm, sir, I should probably have that back as quickly as possible. If he discovers that I've taken it, it could result in my death."

"Yes, yes, of course. However, I was wondering, Severus, if it would be possible for me to make a copy of this before you return it? It might prove useful in the future."

Snape nodded. "Of course, Headmaster."

"Thank you. You may return to Charms."

Snape stood and walked to the door. He looked back when Dumbledore called his name.

"Yes, sir?"

"I greatly appreciate the risks you took to save Lily. I wouldn't expect a thank you from Mr. Potter if I were you, but I believe Lily will pay her dues when she's feeling better." There was a knowing twinkle in his blue eyes as he said this.

Snape nodded again. "Yes, sir." He opened the door and was gone.


	16. Life Goes On

**Chapter 15:** _Life Goes On_

As Snape had said, the pain was gone, but Lily still battled the fevers and vomiting throughout the next day. James was excused from classes to help her, but McGonagall had come in to sternly tell the others that they should attend. She'd waved aside groans and excuses.

Sometimes Lily would be talking with James one minute, then suddenly stop and let her face go blank. She would blink, shake her head, and look at James and ask what she'd been talking about.

Other times she could be doing anything—pacing, having a conversation, or be in the middle of throwing up—when she would suddenly go limp and fall unconscious.

Lily had heard every word Snape had spoken when he'd read everyone the antidote. She heard the part that had warned she could thereafter be infertile. It had, as with everyone else, caused her pause.

But she had also agreed with James. Sure, she could forever be unable to have children—key word being _could_—but if she hadn't taken the potion, she might have never even had the chance to see if she could or not.

It was unspoken, but both she and James knew that eventually they would be together in the future. And by _be together _she meant married, joint bank accounts, till death do they part, the whole nine yards.

They hadn't had the discussion yet because A) they didn't want to jinx the good they had going, and B) face it, they were only seventeen years old. Most Muggles wouldn't even be engaged for another ten or fifteen years.

But they weren't engaged, and they weren't Muggles, Lily told herself as she ate breakfast six days after she'd taken the antidote. James had had to go back to classes four days ago, and she had started to dig into her pile of missed homework.

Getting back on track, Lily figured they had around two and a half months of school left until they graduated. Because it was easy, she gave herself the excuse of having plenty of time yet to talk with James on the subject. Who said she had to do it now?

Throughout the rest of the day she work on homework. Thankfully she only fell unconscious once while she was writing an essay for Charms, and she gave herself kudos for not forgetting anything even once.

Charlie came to visit her at lunch. Lily had noticed that when all of her friends came at once to check on her, Charlie and Sirius had either been holding hands, talking animatedly, or laughing. Not that any of that was a crime, nor did any of it mean anything, but it was still notable because it wasn't normal.

"—Broke up with Sean—you know, Sean Hatinger—and they'd only been going out for nine days," Charlie was saying as she ate some grapes off of Lily's lunch tray. She was sitting on the end of the bed. "Not that I care, but Sean deserves better than Jessica Fanning, and he should have seen this coming. I can't remember the last time she was with someone for more than two weeks. Except that one time with Gavin Fitzgerald, but that doesn't count, because they were both seeing someone else on the side, anyway." She smiled at the memory. "I swear, except for when you and James used to fight, the Gryffindor common room hadn't been closer to a war zone than it had when that cat had come out of the bag. All hell had broken loose."

"My, is someone chatty today," Lily mumbled before biting into her chicken sandwich.

Charlie pursed her lips and shook her head slowly. "It's not the day, it's the day's events. Jessica Fanning is a right bitch, and guess who she's got her sights set on now?"

Lily looked up with a mouth full of chicken, her cheeks puffed out and her eyes wide with inquisition.

Charlie jabbed a finger in her direction. "James Potter and Sirius Black." She nodded wisely. Through her red-haired friend's choking, she continued, "Fanning knows James is off limits, but that doesn't give her any shameful qualms, and it certainly doesn't stop her from flirting with him. Although it's rather amusing, like watching mental people talk to a brick wall."

She leaned forward and reached out to pat Lily's knee. Eyes wide with earnest, she told her, "You don't have to worry with him, Lily. He's only got eyes for you." She sat back again and popped another grape in her mouth. "Anyhow, the one I'm worried about is Sirius."

Lily's ears pricked up, but she remained casual. "Why's that?"

"Because Sirius is single, and known for liking dumb, busty blondes."

Or boy-shy brown-eyed brunettes with the name Charlize Renée Simmons, thought Lily.

Without looking at her, Lily quietly suggested, "Well, maybe you should beat her to him."

Charlie's attention snapped to her in complete surprise. "Why on Earth would I do that?"

Lily looked at her incredulously. "Excuse me? Okay, I think I'm going blind, then. Have you or have you not been getting rather… cozy, with Sirius?"

Charlie opened her mouth to speak, but then her brows furrowed and she closed it again. She looked down at her lap in deep consideration. When she looked up at Lily again, she wore confusion with a capital C.

"I guess I have…but getting _that _cozy with him was never my intention. I thought he was just being a friend…" There was a brief pause before she buried her face in her hands. "Oh, Merlin, am I that stupid and oblivious, or just plain stupid?"

Lily got up to rub her friend's back. "I'm sorry, Charlie, but it's kind of sad that you've never noticed Sirius fancies you."

Charlie slowly turned her head around and glared. After a moment she dropped her head back into her hands. Though it was muffled, she muttered faintly, "I can't believe this. What do I do now?"

Lily reclaimed her seat on her hospital bed opposite Charlie. "Well, do you like Sirius, Charlie? And by _like_, I mean, would you take him as a boyfriend should the opportunity present itself?"

As Charlie thought deep and hard about her answer, Lily finished her chicken sandwich and the rest of her lunch. She placed it on the bedside table so she could scoot closer to her best friend.

After several long minutes, Charlie slowly started to nod her head. "Yes… I think so, yes." As if gaining more confidence in her answer, she sat up straighter and looked Lily in the eye. "Yes, I like Sirius just fine."

Lily broke out in a broad smile and leapt forward to embrace Charlie. Then she promptly shoved her off the bed. "Go, hurry! Go ask him out, then! Beat Fanning to it!"

Charlie scrambled to her knees. "But what if he says no?"

"Then he doesn't deserve you anyway. Besides, he'd have to answer to me!"

On a burst of energy, Lily jumped from the bed and physically pushed Charlie to the door of the infirmary, smiling like a maniac all the while. "Go, go, go! Get a move on! Go!"

She slammed the door on Charlie's sputtering. After giving the dreamy sigh of a romantic, she took two steps and proceeded to fall flat on her face, unconscious.

Madam Pomfrey stepped out of her office, caught sight of the heap on the floor, and shook her head as she huffed out a breath.

* * *

Later that afternoon after the last class, Lily looked up from her Potions textbook to see James enter the infirmary. There were no other patients, though two seventh years from Ravenclaw had accompanied one of their friends to get a Draught of Peace, for she had started to get nervous about NEWTs early.

Once he'd reached her bedside, he planted his fists on his hips though the smile he wore betrayed his sternness. "What did you do to Charlie?"

Lily was baffled for a moment before she stood and, smiling, asked, "Did she ask him?"

"Yes, right in the middle of Transfiguration. When Sirius said yes, and Charlie started to giggle, McGonagall turned around and asked, 'Is there something you would like to share with us, Miss Simmons, Mr. Black?' Sirius stood up, surprising everyone, and announced, 'Yes, professor, there is. I just accepted to go on a date with Charlie next Hogsmeade trip.'"

Lily gaped before she broke down and laughed. James chuckled as he finished, "I think McGonagall was so surprised she forgot to take points off for his cheek. That or it was her way of subtly approving of the couple."

Needless to say, that night when Charlie came to see Lily, she was practically ready to implode.

* * *

The next day Lily was released after classes had ended. She dressed in clean school robes and headed to dinner. Heads turned and whispers broke out, but Lily didn't let any of it bother her.

Most of the students, especially the Gryffindors, gave her a warm welcome back. The Slytherins only brooded into their food. Once, Lily caught Kimmy Pierce's eye, and gave a smile to show that she just wanted to forgive and forget.

Halfway through dinner, she also noticed Jessica Fanning giving her and Charlie, whom Lily sat by, fierce looks. Lily's only reaction was to ignore her.

* * *

The following Monday in Potions, Lily was paired with Severus Snape to concoct the Draught of Sleeping Death. Said draught wasn't normally what seventh years would be taught to brew, but since they'd already finished everything on the criteria, Slughorn advanced a level.

Snape was strangely silent. Not that Lily was complaining, because if he wasn't saying anything, he was most likely insulting her. But his sneer seemed half-hearted, and his thoughts seemed to be on something distant.

"Would you please pass me the wormwood, Snape?" she asked when the potion was ready for her to add the next ingredient. When he didn't respond, Lily turned to look at him. He was staring at the contents of their cauldron, but his eyes weren't focused. "Snape." No response. Though she didn't know if she was doing a good thing or a bad, she lightly nudged him with her elbow. "Earth to Severus."

He jolted, and thankfully didn't upset any of the vials containing ingredients. Lily was quick to reassure him, not wanting him to blow up at her. "I'm sorry, but you were far away, and we need to hurry and add the wormwood."

"Oh, right," he said absently, clearing his throat as he handed her the ingredient. This really caught her attention, because she'd thought he would have threatened her not to touch him again or something.

He stayed at least half attentive as they finished the potion. When Lily was carefully ladling it into a vial and labeling it with their names, she tentatively ventured, "Severus, I want you to meet me in the library after dinner. I need to talk to you."

He only nodded and ignored the use of his first name as he took the vial out of her hands just as the bell rang.

* * *

When dinner was coming to a close, Lily saw him get up from the Slytherin table, exchange a last word with a classmate over his shoulder, and leave the Hall. She quickly finished her own beef stew, threw back her pumpkin juice, and told her friends, "I'm done. I have to go look up something in the library for Flitwick. See you all later."

She walked briskly down the corridors leading to the library. When she entered, she gave Madam Pince a cheery smile and a wave. She didn't see Severus at any of the tables, and hoped worriedly that he hadn't misled her. She walked by the rows, peering down each one as she passed.

He was in the last one, in a rather shadowy corner of the library, leafing through a book about goblins of the fifteenth century. When he heard her footsteps, he shut the book sharply, replaced it on the shelf, and stood there awkwardly, hands hidden in his sleeves.

Lily didn't start speaking right away when she reached him, but instead gazed at him with her arms folding across her chest. She saw how…harmless he appeared with eyes darting around and his cheeks tinged lightly with pink. She knew that by stringing out the silence she was only putting him in more agony, and found it rather amusing.

Finally deciding to break his embarrassment, she impulsively reached out and laid a hand on his shoulder and took step closer. Only when his eyes widened and his cheeks flushed darker did she finally realize why he was acting this way. He _fancied_ her.

She could barely stop herself from giggling out loud. From his point of view, it seemed like they were lovers that had snuck away to have a quickie. As this thought passed through her mind, she had to painfully bite the corners of her lips to keep from smiling and laughing out loud.

Inwardly she was a bit taken aback by this sudden revelation. Severus Snape had only ever lashed at her with insults, made fun of her heritage, and mocked her intelligence.

She didn't understand why she wasn't awkward at the moment herself. Rather, she was amazed by her nonchalance. She had her hand on his _shoulder_, for Merlin's sake!

But she didn't remove it, because otherwise she would become embarrassed herself, putting more tension in the air than there already was. And it would be showing cowardice. Lilliana Brielle Evans was not a coward.

So instead she lifted her chin slightly. "Severus," she began softly, "I want to thank you, for what you did for me." Putting as much warmth into her voice as possible, she said, "You saved my life."

He seemed to forget his awkwardness, and gazed into her eyes intensely.

She gave him a small smile. "I owe you. If there's any way I can repay you, let me know."

Suddenly, before she could even gasp, he reached out, framed her face, and kissed her. Lily braced both hands on his shoulders, ready to push him away, when she realized.

All he wanted in exchange for saving her _life_, was one simple kiss.

So, shoving guilty thoughts of deceiving James out of her mind, Lily let her lashes flutter down to her cheek as she wrapped her arms around his neck. She kept in her right mind, which told her to not run her hands through his hair like she loved to do with James, but instead clasp them together and hold them still.

It wasn't completely gross, kissing Severus Snape, as she would have thought. He was decent, keeping it a closed-mouth kiss, which she mentally praised him for doing. His lips were surprisingly warm, instead of the ice that oh-so-often filled his eyes. She mused fleetingly that if he took better care of his hygiene, he could be much more appealing to the female species.

Careful to not let the kiss go on longer than what was appropriate, Lily gently drew back slightly to look in his eyes. His hands were still on her face, but he dropped them when she let her arms fall to her sides. Once again she gave him a small smile, threading understanding into it so he would know that she knew what she had just done for him.

"I don't want to be at odds with you anymore, Severus," she told him quietly. "There's already too much conflict in the world we live in." She laughed a little as she said, "You don't have to smile at me or anything, and you don't have to like James; I wouldn't want you to go against your own rules." She sobered. "But you could at least spare the insults I now know you don't mean."

She took a few steps backward before saying, "I'll see you around, Sev."

She flashed him one last brilliant smile before turning and walking away.


	17. Shifted Winds, Turned Sails

**Chapter 16: **_Shifted Winds, Turned Sails: A Changed Direction_

"NO!"

Lord Voldemort slammed his fist on the arm of his chair. The idiots! he thought. How could they mess up such a simple plan? It had been organized neatly, planned precisely. Nothing should have gone wrong. So what had?

He eyed the circle of his gathered followers. Every one had told him that they had acted out their part just as they had so carefully arranged. One of them must be lying. He could torture them all, living up to the phrase "One spoiled apple ruins the bunch."

But he didn't have the time. The Mudblood shouldn't have lived. His plans now had to be altered, dates pushed back or forward. He _had _to get this girl out of the way.

Or he could try to convince her to simply give him her loyalties. But that wouldn't work. Her _boyfriend_—he sneered at the thought—was in true alliance with Dumbledore, so she would be, also.

So, looked like he was back to square one. He stroked his chin thoughtfully. What to do, what to do.

An idea came to him. Maybe he could get the Mudblood to do the separating for him. Maybe he didn't have to eliminate her, he only had to fill her head with lies. But how?

His eyes sought out one of the Death Eaters in his circle. An evil smile curled his lips.

He felt like tsk tsk-ing the Gryffindors. For they gave their trust so easily. They assumed only Slytherins are or could become Death Eaters.

They never considered there could be a snake slithering amidst the bed of lions.

* * *

Lily never told anyone about how she repaid her debt to Severus. She didn't think it was any of their business, so they didn't need to know.

March and April passed by in a blur of classes, essays, and preparation for the coming NEWTs, or for the fifth years, OWLs. The house teams that would be competing for the Quidditch Cup were Gryffindor and Ravenclaw, on June twenty-first.

It was the Friday before the last Hogsmeade weekend of the year. The sun was shining brightly, the temperatures were warm enough to roll up shirtsleeves, and Lily's classes were going pretty smoothly. During her last class of the day, Lily thought fleetingly that the day almost seemed too good to be true.

James offered to carry her books back up to the Tower for her when they started to pack up after their last class. She smiled and pushed the stack across the desk to him. He put them in his book bag, and then performed a Featherweight Charm so he could carry it easier. Lily rolled her eyes.

As they climbed the many stairs with their friends, Lily asked the lot if they wanted to study in the common room. They groaned, and Lily turned stern and gave them her speech ("These are the most important tests of our lives…")

Eventually she and Remus compromised by taking their books outside to study as they sat by the lake.

* * *

Later that night after dinner, Lily wanted to read a paperback novel that she'd started a while ago. When she was halfway up the staircase leading to the girls' dormitory, James called after her.

"What?" She peered down the stairs at the armchair in which he sat.

"Your books are in my bag, remember?"

"Oh, right." She changed direction and went toward the boys' dormitories instead.

Entering the door of the seventh year boys' dorm, she walked over to what she knew was James's bed and rummaged through the book bag that was lying on top. After she'd pulled out all of her books, she hauled them into her arms.

But just as she was about to turn around and walk out again, she caught something out of the corner of her eye. Double taking, she squinted and took step closer, then abruptly took a step back.

There was a very red and very lacy something sticking out of the corner of James Potter's mattress. Lily stared at it a moment before moving toward it and plucking it smartly from where it was wedged. It was a bra. A woman's bra. A very red and very lacy woman's bra.

And it wasn't her bra.

Lily stood there, frozen, staring at the kinky contraption as though it was a snake with four heads and covered in pink polka dots.

Then suddenly a million questions started running around in her mind. Whose was this? Where did it come from? What was it doing in James's mattress, or anywhere near James's stuff?

On second thought, his bed was right next to Sirius's.

But he was with Charlie!

Unless…they had…

Lily blinked. Of course they hadn't. They'd barely been going out for two months!

But hormones can get demanding…and it _was_ Sirius Black…

She blinked again and, only moving her eyes, glanced at the bra. Would Charlie wear something so…bold?

No. Lily shook her head. No. This had nothing to do with Sirius or Charlie. This bra had been stuck in James's—her James's—mattress. But whose was it?

Using just the hand that was holding it, Lily searched it. On the top of the right strap, tiny initials had been sown on.

_J. L. Fanning_

Lily's eyes grew wide and round and the books slid out of her frozen arm to thud and scatter on the floor. But she didn't hear it over the rushing sound that filled her head. There was one thought that stood out beyond the rest.

James had cheated on her.

It didn't really matter who with, just that he had.

And the blade pierced her heart, twisted, turned, and left her. Left her cold, left her hard.

She heard the dormitory door open and someone walked in. "Lily, you find them? You've been up here a while, is there something else you need?"

Just the person she wanted to talk to.

As though the blood in her veins had started to flow again, Lily swiftly bent down to gather her books, bra still in hand. She wiped her face blank before she turned around and faced him.

"Yeah," she answered steadily. Her eyes and throat were dry. Her heart was cold and hard as stone. "Yeah, I got them. And there is something I need. An explanation."

She saw his brows furrow.

"What is this?" She thrust out the arm that held the bra. Suave, Evans, she sneered at herself. But she didn't care if she approached this with tact and subtlety. She wanted answers, and then she wanted to get the hell out of this room.

James stared at the bra for several long, tense moments. He slowly raised his eyes back to hers. "A bra," he answered the obvious.

Rage filled her so suddenly it nearly made her gasp. She hurled the bra at the floor. "Don't play games with me, James Potter! Who the _hell_ do you think you are?"

"Er…it depends," he said stupidly, surprised by her sudden rage.

"Exactly. I guess it depends on the face you decide to put on in the morning. James Potter—the loving boyfriend. James Potter—the loyal friend. James Potter—the witty scholar. Wait, I think I'm forgetting one… Oh, yeah!" Lily smacked her head as if she'd had a sudden recollection. "James Potter—THE LYING, CHEATING BASTARD!"

As quickly as it had come, it left. Lily calmed. She became so fluent and casual it was almost absurd. "But you know what, that's your decision. I'm making mine."

With him rooted to the spot, she briskly picked up the bra and slipped past him out the door. She didn't stop until she'd reached her own dormitory, which was blessedly empty. She'd thought she couldn't feel anymore—but her lip was trembling, and there was a painful pressure in her head and in her throat.

When she'd locked the door behind her with all the most difficult charms she could think of on the spot, she dropped all her books on her bed. Walking to the nearest rubbish bin, she flung the bra inside. _"Incendio!"_

The first sob choked her when she was left staring at the charred remains.

How could his happen? She felt so, _so_ utterly stupid. How could she have ever thought the world of him? How could she have ever thought she loved him, that he loved her? Her new opinion was that love was overrated; love blinded you, blinded you so that you couldn't see what was right in front of you. Blinded you so that _you_ looked like the foolish one.

That's what her sister would say if she knew what had just happened. "You fool, Lily. You actually thought he _loved _you? How stupid can you get? Who in their right minds would ever love you?"

As agonizing sobs wracked her body, Lily's legs turned to jelly and gave out from under her. She slid weakly to the floor where she sat, just sat, and cried. Heartbroken.

Not more than thirty seconds had passed before there was urgent pounding on the door. "Lily! Lily, let me in! I don't understand! Talk to me!"

She didn't even waste thoughts on wondering how he'd maneuvered the girls' dormitory stairs. He was a Marauder after all, and a determined one at that.

"Lily! Lily, open up! Talk to me, tell me what's going on, please!"

"G-go awah-away!" she shouted back as clearly and loudly as she could, for her throat was raw and her voice was thick with tears. "I don't want to spee-speak with you ever ageh-again!" She buried her face in her hands as new sobs shook her. "Not ever again," she murmured to herself.

On the other side of the door, James was getting very desperate. He didn't know what was going on, but it appeared that the bra Lily had been holding (and that he'd never laid on eyes on before in his life) was the stem of the problem. If only he knew what the problem was.

He hammered on the door again. "Lily, please! What did I do?"

"Hey." Charlie appeared beside him, looking mostly curious and somewhat worried. She, like Lily, didn't bother fathoming how he'd gotten up here. "I heard shouting and wondered what was going on." She glanced down at the base of the stairs, where Sirius, Remus, and Peter stood.

James sighed and turned to her with a pained expression. "She's upset, and I have a bad feeling that it's because of something I have no idea I've done, but she won't let me in to sort it out."

A sob sounded from inside the room. Each one James heard was like a punch in the gut. The fact that he might be the cause only made it worse.

He beat on the door again. "Lily! Tell me what I did, Lily, tell me anything!"

"I _hate _you!"

James froze, face blank.

Charlie exchanged shocked, gaping glances with the other three Marauders. She looked back at James, hearing and seeing him audibly swallow. He started to blink furiously. Still staring at the door, he whispered, "But what did I do?"

At the moment there was only one word Charlie would use to describe him. Lost.

After several long, awkward moments, she softly knocked on the door. "Lily? Lily, it's Charlie. Can I come in, darling?"

"Don't let him in. I don't want anything to do with him."

Charlie watched James physically jerk as if he'd taken a blow.

When they heard many complicated clicks, James barreled in even before Charlie could move.

Of course, what had she expected him to do? Just turn and walk away? It did nothing but bring to the forefront how stupid she could be where he was concerned. Lily sprang to her feet and held up a hand before he could touch her. Her eyes were rimmed with red and her face was pale, her cheeks stained with trails of tears. "Don't touch me. Don't you touch me with those filthy hands. You've no right. No right."

James held them up, palms out, and took a step back. "Was it something I did?"

"Yeah," Lily snapped. "Yeah, it was." She pointed a finger at him. "You're a liar, a cheat, and we're through." With that she pushed past him and out the door. James and Charlie shared a glance, then followed hot on her heels down into the common room.

Lily didn't care how she looked. She just needed _out._

Unfortunately, the common room was a popular social gathering at the moment. It wasn't suffocating, but a good portion of—more like _all _of—Gryffindor Tower was there.

Lily hadn't made it halfway across the room before James caught her by the arm and spun her around. She struggled a bit, but knew it was fruitless when he only tightened his hold.

He looked at her imploringly. _"Lily, for the sake of all that is holy, what did I do?"_

"What did you do?" she hissed, glaring at him as she tore her arm out of his grasp. "You just couldn't keep your pants up, that's what."

A few barely audible gasps shot around the common room. For a moment James thought she was saying he'd tried to force onto her, but dismissed it. Raising his eyebrows in all seriousness, he said, "Let me be the first to assure you, Lily, I'm still a virgin, however contrary the rumors may be."

No one laughed. When the students had returned to school from the Christmas holidays, people, after the initial surprise, had started to doubt Lily and James would last long. But as the weeks went by, the doubts started to diminish. Now months had passed and they were still going strong. Or had been. Lily and James had become a role model couple for those who needed to see what could be found in life. Even the Slytherins had grudgingly been able to tell that Lily and James were in an entirely serious relationship.

They hadn't had an argument yet, or at least not a large one. Little ones that could be resolved in five minutes, sure, but not a full-out quarrel.

This was not a laughing matter.

Lily tossed her head and planted her fists on her hips. "Then why, pray tell, did I find Jessica Lynn Fanning's bra tucked under your mattress?" Lily challenged. More gasps.

James stared at her. The words seemed to have bounced off his ears.

As a single tear rolled down her cheek, Lily whispered, "Why?"

When all he seemed to be able to do was open and close his mouth silently, she shook her head slowly, almost pityingly. "No more, James. We…are no more."

With that she turned and fled out the portrait hole, leaving James staring after her, still in shock. The rest of the common room seemed to have frozen also. When the other three Marauders and Charlie came to stand in front of James, he sputtered, "But…I…I didn't…I wouldn't…"

Charlie gave him a sad smile of understanding and lightly touched his arm. "We know you wouldn't, James. She's just upset; she'll come to her senses soon."

But what everyone was thinking, though, was: would she?

Sitting in the back of the room, Jessica Fanning sat, smirking. Doubting it.

* * *

Late that night, around two A.M., Lily crept stealthily back into the common room. It was dark; there was no fire, there was no moonlight. She pulled out her wand and lit the end. _"Lumos."_

Silently she climbed the stairs and entered her dormitory. Dimming her light so as not to wake the others, she opened her trunk and summoned all of her things, organizing them to fit inside. She pulled her snowy owl Hannah's cage out from under her bed. Levitating her trunk in front of her, she left the room and Gryffindor Tower, without a backward glance.

The Fat Lady had left her post as she often did at night to go visit with her friends. When the portrait shut behind her, Lily looked at it, muttering, "No going back now."

Setting down her trunk in the middle of the corridor, Lily quickly walked up to the Owlery to fetch Hannah, then back to reclaim her trunk. She set out down the many flights of stairs to come to the Entrance Hall, and from there she walked out of the castle.

She forced her mind to stay blank. She wouldn't think of anything. Not of the parents she'd hadn't protected, not of the sister that hated her, not of the home she no longer had, not of the love that hadn't loved her back. Not the devastated people who would wake in the morning and find she had gone.

Around an hour later she reached Hogsmeade. She kept the hood of her cloak up as she ambled down High Street, passing shops, pubs, and inns alike that were closed and dark and lifeless. Not that she had expected a welcoming crew or anything.

She found a bench and sat down. Perhaps I'll sleep here tonight, she thought absently. I'll find a fireplace to Floo from in the morning.

She caught something move in the corner of her eye. As she whipped her head around to see what or who it was, she heard someone say, _"Stupify!"_

Great, I'm going to be kidnapped, Lily thought in her last moments of consciousness. What a perfect way to end the perfect day.

* * *

Later that morning James Potter awoke to the sound of the dormitory door slamming open and hurried footfalls coming to stand between his bed and Sirius's. He opened one eye to see that Remus, Sirius, and Peter had also awakened and were sitting up in their beds. He rolled his eye to see what had caused the disturbance.

What he saw was a very distraught Charlie Simmons, still clad in her dressing gown, chest heaving, staring down at him with tears sparkling in her eyes.

Without preamble, she said flatly, "Lily's gone."

His heart stopped.


	18. Taken Hostage

**Chapter 17: **_Taken Hostage_

An hour after Charlie had barged into the boys' dormitories, the staff had been informed and searches had been organized.

By noon the whole of the Hogwarts premises had been combed, with no trace of Lily Evans to be found. They had even had a specialist from the ministry come and question the giant squid in the lake.

The students of third year and up had still been allowed to go to Hogsmeade, but the first and second years had been allowed to go only to continue searching for Lily. Throughout the entire afternoon, groups of students, adults, and Aurors alike searched Hogsmeade.

When nothing was found there, either, all the Auror units the Ministry held had been sent to search Diagon Alley and Muggle London. Under normal circumstances, neither Dumbledore nor the Ministry was required to reach so far to continue searching.

But Dumbledore was worried. Deathly worried. He knew Voldemort had been looking to get his hands on Lily Evans and James Potter, for they were the best witch and wizard of their age group, and both held lots of potential. Lots of potential.

Voldemortwould want them out of his way.

After he'd been told of what had transpired yesterday between James and Lily, and had searched James's mind with Legilimency to make sure he really hadn'tcheated on her, he deduced that Voldemort was indirectly involved somehow. Who else, besides the odd Slytherin, would want James and Lily to break up?

So, fearing for the redhead's life, he demanded that searches continue until the girl was found. And prayed she would be found alive.

* * *

She was cold. 

That was the first thought that drifted through Lily's mind when she began to regain consciousness. She shivered as a cool breeze swept around her, making goosebumps form along her flesh.

She didn't open her eyes. Instead, she ran her tongue along her teeth and swallowed, trying to wash away the icky taste that filled one's mouth overnight. Absently she noticed that her bed was rather hard and flat this morning. She had no pillows or blankets. She must have kicked them off in the night. Stretching her arms above her head, she drew in a deep breath and yawned.

She heard footsteps approaching, and was vaguely surprised that one of the other girls was up before she. Usually she was the one that got up same as dawn. Maybe the roommate couldn't sleep.

When the dormitory door slammed open, Lily opened her eyes enough to make them slits. She'd planned on seeing whom it was that was awake, and finding out why they were stomping around so moodily.

But when she saw that she really wasn't in her dormitory, and that it really wasn't one of her roommates coming toward her, she opened her eyes wide and sat bolt upright.

She was in a small room that had absolutely no furnishings, not even a window or a candle. The walls were wooden, as was the floor, which she had been sleeping on. The corners of the room were damp, and there were tiny holes that bugs or a draft could come through. Cobwebs were spun along the ceiling, invisible if not for the candlelight that was shining from the doorway.

The holder of the single candle was draped in a long, black robe, his or her feet clad in shiny black shoes. A hood of the same color was pulled over her visitor's head, and he or she held the candle away far enough that it didn't alight his or her face.

Lily's first thought was: "Oh, no. I've died and the grim reaper has come for me." But wouldn't the reaper behold a sickle, not a candle?

It didn't matter. This person wasn't going to take her hand and skip out to a meadow so that they could have a picnic and gather wildflowers. No, this person would hurt her, and if not, he or she was at least capable of doing so if he or she pleased.

Then she realized: This was a Death Eater. She remembered what they looked like from Christmas.

"Good," he grunted (Lily deduced her visitor was indeed a he), "you're awake."

With that he turned and was about to step out when Lily found her voice. "Er, sir? What's going on?" Her voice was high and somewhat shaky, especially when he turned his head to peer at her. "Where am I?"

"Under our control."

That was all the answer he was going to give her.

* * *

"She's awake, my lord." 

Lord Voldemort stopped staring out the tiny window at the rain that poured constantly from the sky long enough to look down at the Death Eater kneeling before him.

"Good. I want you to feed her twice a day—once at noon and once eight hours later. She is to receive one goblet of water between each meal, besides the one she gets with the meal." He could sense his servant's want to ask why he, Voldemort, was treating her so…decently.

"We must keep her alive. Barely. For now. We do not want to kill her yet. Dumbledore and Potter have to see her, hanging onto life by a thread, first."

* * *

The next day students and teachers reluctantly resumed lessons. Charlie and the Marauders were given one extra day off to get their bearings. Dumbledore urged the searches to continue. 

The friends were gathered in the boys' dormitories. Remus was reading, or at least trying to. Peter was snoring, lying backwards on his bed with his feet on his pillow. Sirius and Charlie were both sitting on Sirius's bed, talking quietly.

James was sitting on the window seat, overlooking this side of the Hogwarts grounds. The lake rippled calmly in the gentle breeze while owls hooted from the trees of the Forest. The crescent moon shone brightly, casting its light alongside the stars proudly. One that was unlearned of Hogwarts might have called the scene peaceful, or serene. But that was only at first glance. Ones that knew Hogwarts for all its flora and fauna knew that the night was best described as…abiding, anticipating, waiting.

What was Voldemort waiting for? James demanded. He knew that's where Lily was; how he knew, exactly, he didn't know. But that's what he felt in his gut, that's what he knew in his head.

What was Voldemort planning to do to her? What was he doing to her now? James wanted the answers to these questions so badly; they were tearing him limb for limb. Would he ever see her again? Would he ever be able to explain to her her mistake?

He couldn't believe that the last time he'd talked to her—looked at her—she had been upset, accusing, and crying. Beautiful. And he'd just stood there, dumbfounded.

Cheated on her? How could she ever think that of him? She knew—she _knew_—he wouldn't ever do such a thing to her. He loved her; hadn't he told her so more than a dozen times?

Had her trust of him really been wavering so dangerously that she'd been just waiting for something like that to happen? It must have been, for she had immediately drawn her own conclusion and assumptions. Now the whole bloody Tower thought him deceitful.

Jessica Fanning was just soaking it up, too, James reflected with a sneer. She had to have staged the whole entire thing. But why? Merely just to get him free of Lily? It seemed too low, just slightly too low, even for the likes of her.

"I just don't understand it; why would she run away?"

Charlie's quiet, grieving voice broke through James's thoughts; he turned his head from gazing outside to looking at her. Her short brown hair was in disarray, her brown eyes lined with red and puffy.

James recalled that he'd seen her in the same state hardly two months ago, funnily when Lily was in mortal danger. And same as last time, she was in Sirius's arms.

At least he had someone to hold, James thought bitterly of his best friend. An insane envy flared inside him for a moment before being extinguished. Oh, what he would give to hold Lily in his arms again. But even if he did get the chance, would she want to be held?

"Maybe she was provoked," Remus suggested as he gave up on reading his book and set it down. "Or forced."

"No," James quietly disagreed confidently. He turned back to the window. "She'd gone of her own will."

"How do you know that?" Charlie demanded with narrowed eyes. She was quick to defend her best friend; or perhaps didn't want to think that Lily had just left her.

"Perhaps," Sirius said slowly as he studied James thoughtfully, "when you love someone, you make sure to remain open-minded to his or her rashness and faults."

"Lily is selfish to a fault when she wants to be," James told them. "She'll think of only how she'll deal with her actions, not of how those closest to her will."

Charlie glared at him and looked about to protest, but after a moment of consideration, reluctantly nodded.

It was the truth, after all—the sad truth, but the truth nonetheless.

* * *

God, she was hungry. And scared. It was not a good combination. 

For the past three days, Lily had barely eaten anything worthy enough to satisfy her hunger. But what did she expect, honestly? She was being held captive; they weren't going to dote on her like she was a princess.

At least they hadn't tortured her. Yet. Nope, just starving her. Trying to be optimistic, she thought about the three pounds she'd wanted to lose. Then she snorted to herself. She won't lose just three pounds—she'll probably lose thirty! And she might become anorexic, because she'll become used to not eating, so when she does eat again, she won't be able to.

_If_ she does eat again, she corrected herself.

She didn't know what time it was. It was always dark in her room, being there were no windows or candles. So when she fell asleep, she fell asleep. When she woke, she woke. Other than pacing and thinking, sleeping what about the only thing she could do.

She thought about Charlie, and what she would be doing. She thought about all the classes she was missing, and winced when she thought about how much work and studying she was going to have to do to catch up again. Last she knew, there had been about a month and a half until NEWTs.

Oh, God, she would be there for NEWTs, wouldn't she?

She hoped so. Or she might be dead by then. Never knew.

But most of the time she thought about James. She'd gone back and replayed the entire scene of the other night so many times that she almost knew all of the dialogue by heart.

But the thing was, the more she reviewed it, the greater her doubts grew. She remembered how desperate and confused James had looked and sounded. It made her wonder—had he just been playing innocent well, or had he been genuinely out of the loop?

Was it possible the entire thing had been staged? Yes… she thought. Yes, it was possible. But was it probable?

James had never given her a reason to doubt his fidelity. Yet hadn't she always, in the deepest recesses of her mind? Was she so insecure that she had begun to doubt how much those closest to her actually cared for her?

She wrinkled her nose at herself. That's horrible, just horrible of her.

So was it probable that James had never cheated on her, and that the whole bra scene had been someone's evil scheme all along?

Yes.

* * *

The following Saturday, Dumbledore allowed all of the students in every house to go to Hogsmeade again, but only to search for Lily. Most of the children groaned inwardly; sure, they'd liked Lily, but after a week, wasn't it a lost cause? Besides, Hogsmeade had been searched so many times already. 

But they all went; after all, it was still a chance to get out into the wonderful weather.

* * *

"UP! GET UP, YOU FILTHY MUDBLOOD!" 

Lily was rudely awakened so unexpectedly she jumped up from her horizontal position on the floor. But since her legs had yet to wake, she collapsed again.

"COME ON, MOVE! WE DON'T HAVE ALL DAY, GIRL!"

Lily blinked as she carefully stood again. One of those black-robed figures was at the door, only this time he didn't have food to give her. When she was fully standing, however shakily, as if she could no longer hold her own weight, he whipped out his wand from the folds of his robe and flicked his wrist, muttering something under his breath.

Her wrists snapped together and it felt like invisible rope was being wrapped around them. The same happened to her ankles, but they weren't tied to each other. Instead, when she took a step forward, she realized they'd each been tied to an invisible weight, so it was hard to even drag her feet.

She crossed the threshold and painstakingly followed the Death Eater's pointing finger to the right. He followed behind her.

She noticed how baggy her school robes were where several days ago they had just been starting to get a bit snug. Her belly now growled constantly, and she'd grown familiar with the hunger pains. Last time she'd been awake, she had slipped a hand under her shirt and had felt each individual rib. She'd moved her hand to her back and had felt each individual vertebra. She couldn't go on like this for much longer. A week, maybe two at most.

She guessed that the whites of her eyes were steadily yellowing, and despite the many hours of sleep she was getting, she knew there would be dark rings under her eyes from dehydration. Her teeth were gross, caked with plaque; her nails needed trimming, and her body needed scrubbing. Not to mention her legs needed shaving.

Lily noticed that they were in a rickety old shack. It swayed in the winds that were howling menacingly outside. For the first time, she heard rain lashing at the walls, thunder cracking and booming overhead. It surprised her; she would have thought she could have heard a storm in her room.

The floors were dirt, though packed down so she could tell they were well traveled. A door appeared on her left, and the Death Eater following her pushed her roughly toward it. Confused and helpless, she gave him a half baffled, half pleading look. She couldn't see his face; the hood cast it in shadow. When he didn't say anything, she took that as his word to try to open the door herself.

But when she took a step forward, he grasped her shoulder in a crushing grip and pulled her back. As she stared at his back exasperatedly, he moved to the door and turned the knob.

"Master," she heard him call when he had opened the door.

"Bring her in."

Lily felt as if she'd suddenly been plunged into a tank of ice-cold water. Her pulse seemed to thicken and slow in her veins, her mind was wiped black, and she broke out in a cold sweat.

She knew that voice.


	19. Meetings of the Damned

**Chapter 18: **_Meetings of the Damned_

The weights that had been placed on her feet seemed to become ten times heavier, and the noise of the storm outside was drowned out by the rushing sound that filled her ears.

The Death Eater moved behind her once again and gave her a rough shove. "Go."

With the knowledge that fear and exhaustion filled her eyes, which were a dark, forest green with malnutrition, Lily slowly crossed the threshold and stepped into the room.

It surprised her to find it small and little more decent than the one she'd been staying in. There was a window in this one, a rather large one placed in the left wall. Through it she could see the storm, but anything past that was blurred. She'd figured a while ago that it was safe to assume she wasn't anywhere near Hogwarts, nor was she anywhere near any sort of help.

Other than herself and her escort, the only other presence was in a chair at the front of the room, sitting proudly as if he were a king upon a throne. His skin seemed to be paler, his eyes redder, and his atmosphere more ominous than it had been at Christmas.

The room smelled of madness, of evil and of blood. Though Lily could see none of the third, she had no doubt that at some point it had been spilled, carelessly. And then had been ruthlessly cleaned up.

Voldemort rose as she carefully moved to stand wilted before him. Lily wondered if by doing so he was simply humoring the niceties. The Death Eater shut the door and stood next to it, ready to ward off visitors or interruptions if need be.

"Dear Lily, how nice of you to come and visit me. So far from home, so far from hearth." A taunting, somehow triumphant gleam sparkled in his unblinking gaze; his cold, high voice—besides making her wonder ridiculously if he was a eunuch—held a trace of amusement.

"Miss Evans if you will, sir," Lily said stiffly with all the dignity she could muster.

"Miss Evans." Voldemort grinned a bit as he gingerly reseated himself. "Quite right, the formalities must be observed no matter the circumstances, as I'm sure we were mutually raised. You shall call me Lord Voldemort."

She bit back a retort that denied having anything in common with a murderer that obviously had a severe case of psychosis. Her mother had, in fact, beaten old-fashioned manners into her if nothing else. She vaguely thought how silly it sounded talking about formalities when she was probably about to die, or if not, will in the near future.

"Now, Miss Evans," he began as he shifted into a more comfortable position in his sad little chair, "you know, of course, why you're here, being such an intelligent creature."

"If you would be so kind as to humor me, Lord Voldemort sir."

Voldemort simply narrowed his eyes at her witty reply. He rose again to pace the room, his long black robes swishing around his feet in a strangely elegant way.

Lily, in fact, did not know why she was here. She knew it was obvious that he most likely wanted something of her, but what, exactly, she couldn't say.

"You're here, Miss Evans, because I have a proposition to present to you. You will listen to all it entails, and there will be no negotiating. Whether you accept it, or your other option, is entirely your choice."

He glanced back at her to make sure she was listening. Seeing with satisfaction that she was rather intently, he continued as he turned about the room.

"I'm giving you the chance and decision to join me. You will be appointed and recognized as my right hand man—or woman, rather—and you will be the most important asset to my ranks. You'll do what you're told, but will only have to answer to me. You will be my assistant, and will take on the duties entrusted to one.

"By becoming this you will have to severe all your ties to Albus Dumbledore, and to James Potter, and anyone else that is not of my alliance. You will learn to hate them, to wish ill of them, even pray for their deaths.

"You will also become my personal whore, and will share my bed. Willingly or not."

Well, that answered whether or not he was a eunuch.

He said it all rather quickly, and that only made it harder for Lily's shock-frozen mind to register.

Voldemort restlessly continued to prowl the room, anticipating her reply. The Death Eater standing guard by the door looked on distantly, all but screaming boredom.

After several minutes of thorough thought and consideration, Lily quietly asked, though she already knew the answer, "And the other option?"

"Death."

"I choose the latter," she decided even before he could finish saying the word.

Though he had known that was the option she would choose, Voldemort whirled on her furiously. "Why? Because you _love _that Potter bastard? Because you're _loyal_ to that old moron, Dumbledore? Answer me this, you good-for-nothing Mudblood, if you _love _that blood traitor, why did you leave him?"

When she didn't answer, he pushed his face into hers. She was assaulted by the fowl stench of his breath; she choked and the stench made her eyes water. Voldemort mistook them as symptoms of tears.

"When my last attempt at killing you slowly and painfully with that blasted poison didn't work, I set about making new plans. And do you know which one got you here tonight, kneeling on my floor, your body bruised with neglect?

"Confronting you directly as I did at Christmas had been a waste of time, as you well know. The grief you must have felt after losing your parents did not eat at you as I had hoped it would. So the day before all the students went back to that God forsaken school, I had one of my very loyal servants perform an Unforgivable on his own daughter. I dare say you mote be familiar with her name. Kimberlynn Pierce, a first year Gryffindor."

Voldemort drew back to stand, staring in the distance in a thoughtful pose. "Her father was deeply ashamed of where the girl'd been Sorted. But some things cannot be avoided," he waved the matter off.

"How you survived the pain of Excrutio Venenum is beyond me, I will admit. It does not matter now. I have you in front of me, close enough to touch."

As if to prove it, he stepped forward and softly ran a fingertip down Lily's waxy cheek. She shivered—his skin was _so_ cold—and jerked her head away.

"I thought long and hard about how to get you to me. I couldn't very well just run into the Great Hall during breakfast one morning and snatch you. But then I wondered what would happen if I took away your only safeguard? What if I took away what you live for?"

James, he thought with a sudden flicker of panic. Oh, please, let him be all right.

"But I had the same conflict. I couldn't just go and take him. So how was I supposed to separate you from him?"

"You," Lily whispered abruptly with a sneer. "You were behind our break-up."

"Yes," Voldemort confirmed in a drawl, a wide smile growing on his face. "I'm quite proud of the little play I directed. Do you know who worked behind the scenes?"

Arrogant bastard, she thought. He's so convinced that I won't be able to find a way out that he's assuming that he could tell me the identity of one of his henchmen and I'd never tell.

"Who?"

"Jessica Lynn Fanning herself."

Lily was surprised she wasn't surprised. She wasn't surprised that Jessica was a Death Eater. She wasn't surprised that Jessica had played the nastiest part in this scheme. She was ashamed to have her in her house, let alone her own dorm.

Voldemort continued, "She was so eager for the part, and I knew she would play it well. And she did. You wouldn't be here otherwise."

So James really _hadn't _cheated on her, Lily's mind reeled. He'd merely been a victim. Oh, what has she done?

"But it doesn't matter. You and Potter would have broken up sooner or later. Who could ever love a _Mudblood?"_

Don't listen to him, Lily, she told herself inwardly. Don't listen to any more of his lies.

"Now." Voldemort took a deep breath before looking back at her. Funny, he thought. She had Gryffindor hair, but Slytherin eyes. A Ravenclaw mind, and Hufflepuff justice. Interesting. "I'm going to ask you again. Will you become my assistant, my ally, my whore?"

She glared into his eyes. He stared right back. "No," she said firmly.

"Then you will die." He snapped his fingers, and the Death Eater at the door came forward. "Take her to her room. No food or water. I'll deal with her later."

As she was being dragged from the room, Voldemort looked after her thoughtfully. "Pity."

Alone and cold in the dark, Lily curled into an aching ball on the hard wooden floor.

She'd ruined everything; it was all her fault. If she hadn't jumped to conclusions with James, she might have believed the truth and not run away. Instead, she had acted on the wounded impulse to run away. Now look where she was: lying in the dark with certain death hanging over her head. She'll either die of starvation, of a broken heart, or at the end of Voldemort's wand. None of which were very appealing, but she wasn't in the mood for being optimistic.

No one knew where she was. James couldn't save her this time. Her heart burned painfully at the thought of him.

How could she have ever thought he would cheat on her? It seemed completely absurd now. She felt so stupid.

A mirthless laugh choked out of her throat. And to think she'd thought she'd felt stupid when he'd "cheated" on her, but knowing that the entire thing was made up, she felt even stupider because she hadn't been able to trust that he loved her.

The sad part was even though she now knew the truth, she didn't have any way to apologize to him. She wouldn't ever see him again. She'd die with a lie, and he would forever have to live with one.

She wondered if he would move on. Would he be able to look beyond this year, this traumatic time of his life, and find some other sort of happiness? Or would he forever have a bitter heart, still be so angry at the injustice of their last argument that wherever he would go, he'd have a black storm cloud hovering over his head?

And would he still love her, despite what happens, despite the time that goes by? Through and through?

She hoped so. She hoped he never forgot about her. She hoped that at night, he would hold his wife close while she slept, but remain wide-awake himself, remembering his Lily Evans.

The first tear trailed down her cheek. Because she would never forget him.

Charlie Simmons was in her bed in her dorm, the only one awake. She lay on her stomach, propped up by her elbows, staring down at a picture of she and Lily.

They had been at Charlie's house the summer before second year. In the picture they were outside on a sunny day, and Lily was trying to teach Charlie how to play the Muggle game football. More often than not, they ended up in a heap on the ground, limbs tangled, the ball rolling away innocently.

As the younger Lily and Charlie laughed and waved up at her, Charlie knuckled away a tear that was making its way down her cheek.

Was Lily thinking of her? she wondered. God knew Charlie never stopped thinking about her. Was she all right? Where was she? What was happening to her? Would she ever see her again?

Was she…gone?

Charlie shut her eyes tight. Whenever she asked herself that, something deep inside her told her that Lily wasn't dead. Something deep inside her told her not to give up, that giving up on her best friend would only crush everyone's hopes.

But what if it was false hope, and that there really was no chance for Lily? Don't think that, Charlie instantly scolded herself. _But what if?_ something in her mind persisted. _What if_ they were searching for nothing? _What if_ Lily didn't want to be found?

"That's not true," Charlie whispered to herself fiercely. "Stop it."

Suddenly she heard rustling from the other side of the dorm. Quickly and quietly as she could, she stuffed the picture under her pillow and pretended to be asleep.

She heard someone sit up in bed and push the covers back. A robe whispered as someone slipped it on; then feet were softly padding to the door of the dormitory.

Peeking through her eyelids, Charlie saw the long, curly blonde hair that could only be Jessica Fanning's. Her dorm mate had pulled on a black robe; out of that black robe came a wand, and Charlie watch Jessica place a silencing charm on the door. The blonde slowly pulled it open before quickly stepping out.

Charlie had two seconds to decide whether to follow or not before she was tugging on her own robe and hastily moving toward the door. If she followed Jessica, maybe she could tip off Filch and get the bitch in a couple detentions. It was the least she deserved.

She stepped out into the corridor just as Jessica was descending into the Gryffindor Common Room. Charlie made sure to be absolutely silent as she hurried over to the seventh year boys' dormitories. They were the experts on being out late, after all.

Not even bothering to knock—they should be in bed and probably sleeping by now—she unlocked the door and stepped in.

She wasn't very surprised to see James sitting on the window seat once again, staring out into the night. His head whipped toward her the instant she started across the dorm toward Sirius's bed.

She flung the covers off her boyfriend as James came over to stand next to her. "What's happened?" he asked urgently. "Did they find something?"

"No, but we've got an opportunity for revenge. Sirius. Sirius, wake up, you flee-inhabited mongrel!"

She shook him roughly until his eyes opened. "What? What?" He sat up and groggily wiped the grit out of the corners of his eyes.

"Get up. We've some unfinished business to attend to. Now! Hurry!"

She bent to open the trunk at the foot of his bed and pulled out some clothes, flinging them at him. "Get dressed. James, grab your invisibility cloak. Don't look so shocked; didn't you think Lily would have told me?"

At the mention of Lily's name, there was a very brief moment of melancholy. Then Sirius got up and dressed, and Charlie ushered them toward the door. "Let's go, before we lose her!"

Soon James was unfolding a silvery cloak and was just about to pull it over the three of them when Sirius started to dig in his pockets. "Oh! Wait! Best leave this here, just in case."

He pulled out a small mirror; walking to Remus's bedside table, he placed it there and hurried back to James and Charlie. "You do have yours, don't you, mate?"

James nodded and covered them in the cloak. Charlie explained as they made their way down and through the common room. "I don't know if we'll be able to catch up."

"We will, don't worry." It was James's turn to search his pockets. He pulled out several lint balls, the leg of a chocolate frog, a golden Snitch—"I'd wondered where that went."—and finally a piece of old parchment.

Still keeping up pace as they wound through corridors, the bespectacled boy touched the tip of his wand to the parchment and said, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

Charlie glanced back and lifted an eyebrow as she saw a map of Hogwarts paint its way over the parchment.

"Let's see…ah, there she is. J. Fanning is just leaving the Entrance Hall."

Sweat broke out on their foreheads as they hurried down the many flights of stairs and across the Hogwarts grounds. They kept track of Jessica on the map.

"Where's she heading?" Charlie asked James, panting slightly.

His brows knit and he frowned. "The Forbidden Forest."

"Why am I surprised?" Charlie mumbled, though she was hadn't expected this. She'd thought that Jessica would be sneaking out to see her latest boyfriend; what on Earth was she going into the Forest for?

"We're going to have to hurry if we want to keep up; the Marauder's Map doesn't reach past the Hogwarts grounds' boundaries," James announced as they watched Jessica walk into the forest without even hesitating.

Sirius didn't stop walking, but he grabbed Charlie's arm. When she glanced over her shoulder at him, he said quietly, "We don't have to go in there."

Charlie turned her head and looked ahead at the ominous woods looming toward them. For a moment, fear fluttered in her heart, but determination and pure stubbornness had her thrusting out her chin and assuring Sirius, "We've already come this far."

All three of them pulled out their wands and held them at the ready. They crept through the trees as silently as they could, which was no easy task, and kept a sharp eye out at all times. The further they went, the denser the trees grew and the darker it got. Soon the tops of the trees blocked out the moon, so James lit his wand as dimly as he could while still being able to see what lied ahead.

Despite herself, Charlie started to shiver, both with nerves and from the chill. A fog was creeping up, covering the forest floor and making it hard for them to see even their feet. They managed to keep Jessica in view.

Sometimes the blonde would look over her shoulder, and James and Sirius would pull Charlie behind the nearest tree.

"What the devil are we hiding for?" she asked them. "We're under the invisibility cloak."

"That doesn't make us any less solid," James explained. "The fog floats around us; I don't know about you, but I've never known fog to have a big hole in the middle of nowhere."

"Oh." Charlie looked at the offending mist. "I hadn't thought of that."

They followed Jessica for what seemed like hours, but in reality was only about forty-five minutes total. Eventually, she brought them to a clearing. As Charlie, James, and Sirius slowly approached, they realized that Jessica had been going to a meeting, but it wasn't with her boyfriend.

Several other black-cloaked figures stood conversing in a circle. At Jessica's arrival, they stopped talking and turned towards her.

"You're late," one of them stated flatly.

"Keira Hoffman didn't fall asleep until about one o'clock. Excuse me for not wanting anyone to know I was leaving."

James and Sirius again pulled Charlie behind the tree nearest the group, then watched and listened.

"Now," Jessica began, "what's this all about?"

The reply came from the same flat voice that had announced her impromptu arrival.

"The Mudblood chose death."


	20. Separated from Some, Reunited with Other

**Chapter 19: **_Separated from Some, Reunited with Others_

Charlie heard James choke. He, she, and Sirius all stiffened and Sirius put a calming hand on James's shoulder, and pulled the Marauder's Map out his friend's frozen hands.

His heart throbbing painfully in his throat, James struggled to stay quiet and concentrate on what the black-cloaked figures were saying.

"She chose death?" Jessica Fanning repeated. Then she snorted. "Nothing surprising there. The daft whore—wouldn't know a reprieve if it crawled up her skirt."

"Yeah, well, the Dark Lord has given orders not to feed her, and says that he'll deal with her later," the Death Eater with the flat voice told her. "We figure that means he'll either use her for some indulgence before killing her, or he'll just kill her."

"I had been hoping he'd let us pass her around for our own indulgence," another male Death Eater piped in.

"I wouldn't want your sloppy seconds! Even if she weren't a Mudblood!" exclaimed another.

James's body shook as he tried to rein in control and keep his rage and his fear for Lily at bay. His hands fisted, his nails biting into his palms until they broke skin and pearls of blood dripped down his fingers. His breath hitched raggedly while he listened to their sick comments about the woman he loved. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried counting imaginary sheep, and when that didn't work, look a deep breath and started counting backward from one hundred.

He didn't get to ninety-two.

He managed to shrug off Sirius's hand long enough to take a single step forward before his best friend tried to restrain him again. But it was too late. A twig had snapped under James's foot, and the entire group of Death Eaters spun around.

They wouldn't have seen anything if it wasn't for James's foot, which was still sticking out from under the invisibility cloak. But to the Death Eaters that saw it, it just looked like it was sticking out from behind the tree. Nevertheless, all hell broke loose.

James threw the cloak off and started to shoot hexes off at random, his blood pumping madly in his veins, his muscles quivering with adrenaline. Within five seconds, he was up against three black-hooded figures at the same time, and he couldn't have backed away from such a wonderful challenge.

All the frustration and despair he'd felt for the last several days all balled together to weigh heavy in the pit of his stomach. If he got a gash near his temple or a scrape on his chin, he didn't care. The blood he shed, he shed for Lily.

Meanwhile, the other four Death Eaters had spread out to check the area for other intruders.

As one of them neared the tree Sirius and Charlie were still hiding behind, Sirius urgently took Charlie by the shoulders and said, "I have to help James, he can't fight them all on his own. Take the cloak and go back to the school. Get Dumbledore and some other teachers, come back to help."

He dragged her close before she could utter a reply, and kissed her hard. Then he was shoving the Marauder's Map into her hands and pushing her toward the path that led to the school before jumping out from behind the tree and joining the battle.

While Charlie ran like the devil was nipping at her heels, James and Sirius came to stand back to back, dueling the best they could against the seven Death Eaters. Once in a while they would cast a shield charm for each other because the other was preoccupied.

"Charlie went to get help," Sirius finally managed to tell James as he dodged a Leg-Locker Curse.

"_Impedimenta! _Good. Hopefully they'll come soon," James replied.

In an hour, the two Gryffindors managed to stun four of the Death Eaters. Sirius still dueled one while James fought another and they would both send occasional hexes at the third.

"This is a piece of chocolate cake!" Sirius exclaimed on a rather manic laugh. "With lots of cherry icing!"

Not a second later he was sprawled on his back, his wand flying out of his hand.

"Sirius!" James yelled, making the mistake to glance over his shoulder.

"_Stupefy!"_

"James!" Sirius leapt to his feet and dashed to find where his wand had fallen.

"Kneazle!" shouted one of the Death Eaters for the heck of it.

With James stunned and Sirius wandless, it gave the remaining three Death Eaters time to revive their four fallen friends. One reached into his pocket and pulled out a small snake figurine.

"Oh, James! Boo-hoo-hoo," Jessica mocked before laughing along with the others. One black-robed figure grabbed James's limp wrist.

Just as Sirius stood, wand at the ready, the Death Eaters and his best friend disappeared from sight with a tug at their navels.

Moments later, Charlie burst through the trees, followed by Hagrid, Dumbledore, McGonagall, and several other professors, all with their wands at the ready.

"Where'd they go?" Charlie demanded. She quickly went to Sirius, who looked dazed and confused. "Are you all right? Where'd they go? What happened? Sirius?"

"They took him," he said, his voice hoarse. "They took James."

Charlie froze for a moment, then spun around, eyes searching the clearing frantically. "James?" she called. "James!"

"Span out," Dumbledore muttered to McGonagall in an undertone. "Search the area."

"And if we don't find anything?" she asked him.

He didn't answer, and after a moment the deputy headmistress turned to the other teachers.

Charlie turned back to Sirius and buried her face in his chest, saying, "Not him, too. Oh, God, not him, too."

* * *

Lord Voldemort paced the small, sad "throne" room. At the knock on the door, he stopped and said icily, "Enter."

The Death Eater that entered had her hood down, and her long, curly blonde hair tumbled down her back.

Voldemort's lips curled into a smile. "Jessica." Then his eyes narrowed. "What's happened? Why are you not at Hogwarts?"

"I've been discovered," she answered hesitantly. At the murderous look on her master's face, she quickly tried to redeem herself, "But I've brought you something you've been wanting for a long while." She smiled a bit. "The second piece to the set, perhaps one could say."

Using Legilimency and common sense, Voldemort knew what she'd brought him almost instantly. But to humor her, he asked with just the right about of interest and curiosity in his voice, "And what might that be?"

In reply, she turned toward the door again and called, "Bring him!"

Two other Death Eaters entered, carrying an unconscious James between them.

Proudly, Jessica announced, gesturing grandly with her arms, "May I present to you James Potter."

Voldemort waved his hand, and two Death Eaters dropped the bespectacled boy in a heap on the floor. Consideringly, Voldemort circled the boy. _"Enervate."_

James's eyes fluttered open. Almost immediately he tried to jump to his feet.

"_Petrificus Totalus."_ Voldemort flicked his wand lazily. James went rigid as a board, his arms snapped to his sides, and he fell to lie flat on the floor. But his eyes glared.

"Welcome." Voldemort smiled as plans and ideas started to form in his head.

* * *

When the door closed, the Dark Lord looked at seven of his number. These were his seven spies in Hogwarts, students yet to graduate.

He looked at the one on the far left. After a pause, he lifted his wand. _"Crucio."_

As the air filled with screams, Voldemort looked on with boredom. When several minutes had passed, he lifted the curse.

"You imbeciles," he began, his cold, high voice piercing the stillness like a blade. "How many of you were identified?"

Shaking visibly, Jessica Fanning took a step forward. "J-just I, sir. It was I they followed."

"Incompetence. I will not tolerate it. _Crucio._"

Jessica fell to her knees, her mouth open wide as she screamed fit to kill. Her body bucked and twitched and writhed. The others could only turn their heads away, tears silently slipping down their cheeks in the shadows of their hoods.

Several minutes passed, and still Voldemort did not lift the curse. Eventually Jessica fell unconscious, blood running from her nose and ears.

He took the torture curse off, and then ruthlessly revived her. The only sign she showed of awakening was a guttural moan. With a sneer disfiguring his lips, Voldemort pointed his wand at her heart. His hand was steady and his conscience clear. _"Avada Kedavra!"_

Bright green light shot out of his wand and filled the room. As if cued, thunder boomed in the skies. Jessica's baby blue eyes stared, glassy and lifeless.

"Now." Voldemort turned away from Jessica as a toddler might turn away from a broken toy. "The rest of you will receive your punishment. Then you will go back to Hogwarts, and go about as you would normally—like you don't know anything."

* * *

She wanted to die.

Lily lay on her back, her head lolled in the direction of the door, her limbs heavy and useless. She stunk something terrible, she ached everywhere, and she was sure nothing was going to get any better.

She wanted to die.

Her parents were dead, her sister hated her, James—well, she had no hope of reconciling with him, since she would most likely never see him again. Lily tried to drag air into her lungs to sigh, but couldn't drum up the energy.

She wondered what would happen to her stuff. Petunia wouldn't want anything to do with magic, but if anyone thought to convert Lily's wizard money into Muggle money, Petunia would snatch that up without a single stab of grief or guilt. Maybe everything will be divided amongst her friends, or maybe it will all just go to some sort of wizard charity.

And to think, she was so close to completing school. It reminded her of when she'd put aside some galleons so she could by this really neat potions set. It had been expensive, and she'd almost saved up enough to buy it when she had to use that money for some last-minute school supplies.

She could actually feel her life slowly slipping away from her. Every minute it got harder to breath, harder to think, harder to find reason. If she'd had the energy and wasn't dehydrated, tears would be cascading in waterfalls down her cheeks.

She thought about the one thing she wished she could do before she died. James, she cried mentally with all her heart, please forgive me. I still love you.

When the door to her room suddenly opened, Lily didn't even flinch. Maybe he's come to kill me, she mused. Finally.

"Brought you a room'ate," she heard a man say. It wasn't Voldemort, so it must be a Death Eater. Wait—a roommate? "Daresay you know 'im." She heard a pair of snickers.

Something heavy was dropped to the floor. _"Finite Incantatem."_

James instantly jumped to his feet and charged the two Death Eaters. They skedaddled out of the room quickly and slammed the door in his face, still snickering stupidly. "Bloody cowards," he muttered bitterly.

Lily recognized the voice. Hell, how could she not? It was the voice she'd been so desperate to hear for the past several days. Painstakingly, she managed to turn her head and look up at him.

James caught a glint in the corner of his eye and turned his head. What could be shiny enough in this pitch-black room to glint, he didn't bother to fathom.

Those eyes. Oh, Lily's eyes. He could have picked them out from the middle of a sea of green. He stared, his mind trying to register what he'd just found.

"James." Her voice was a strangled croak. _Is that my voice?_

He didn't know what to do. Oh, God, he wanted to hold her, to gather her up and rock. But he couldn't. She wouldn't want that.

She tried to reach for him, but she couldn't move her arm. The most she could do was curl her fingers and flop her wrist. She could tell he'd frozen.

She would have to do the talking—or try to, anyway. She was the one to had to apologize for her mistake, she was the one who had to ask his forgiveness.

"James, come here," she commanded.

For a full minute he didn't move a muscle. She thought that maybe she hadn't spoken clearly or loud enough, that he hadn't heard her or had misunderstood. But then he took a slow step forward, and came to kneel at her side.

"Oh, what have they done to you?" he whispered to himself, though Lily heard him.

Her breathing labored and loud, she began without preamble. "James, I'm sorry."

He had been doing a thorough study of her abused and neglected body, but now his intense hazel gaze snapped to hers.

She swallowed difficultly. "I was out of line. I should have trusted you. She did it." Lily closed her eyes because it was too much effort to keep them open. "She did it."

James could fill in the blanks. When she shut her eyes, a thread of panic came into him. He groped around on her throat until he found her pulse. It was slow, surely irregular, but it was still strong. Knowing what she needed to hear, he cupped her cheek, turned her face toward him, and waited for her to open her eyes again.

When she did, when those enchanting emerald orbs focused on him, he simply said, "I forgive you."

* * *

"How could this happen?"

This came from Charlie for the zillionth time. She sat once again on Sirius's bed, curled into a tight ball in Sirius's arms.

No one answered her. She hadn't expected anyone to. Sirius hadn't said anything since the forest. Charlie understood that he was feeling a sort of survivor's guilt.

She looked across the room at Remus. He had taken up James's post at the window, staring out at the midmorning sun. He was bitter that they hadn't taken him along last night; he felt that if they had, James wouldn't be missing now, too. He wouldn't speak to Charlie or Sirius.

Peter was sitting on his bed, looking almost okay with the situation. Charlie sneered at him briefly. He didn't look particularly grief-stricken; she figured he'd used James's disappearance as an excuse to leave class.

She sighed quietly and buried her face in Sirius's neck. She didn't think she loved him, but she did have great romantic care for him. She knew that they couldn't last forever; her heart would break a little, but she wouldn't be left bitter.

Turning her face she gazed absently around in the room. Suddenly, the sun rose just enough to reflect off something on Remus's bedside table. Charlie squinted in the blinding light; nudging Sirius so he would release his hold on her, she got up and moved toward it.

* * *

_Soon James was unfolding a silvery cloak and was just about to pull it over the three of them when Sirius started to dig in his pockets. "Oh! Wait! Best leave this here, just in case."_

_He pulled out a small mirror; walking to Remus's bedside table, he placed it there and hurried back to James and Charlie. "You do have yours, don't you, mate?"_

_James nodded and covered them in the cloak.

* * *

_

It was the small mirror Sirius had placed there the night before. Charlie had been so wrapped up in wanting to catch up to Jessica Fanning that she hadn't even wondered about it. Thoughtfully, she played with it, turning it back and forth to catch the sun's rays.

"Sirius, what's this?" she asked. "What does it do?"

Numbly Sirius turned his head. Before Charlie could gasp, he'd jumped off the bed and plucked the mirror from her fingers. "Of course!" he exclaimed. He grabbed her around the waist and kissed her noisily with much enthusiasm.

"Glad I could brighten your day," Charlie mumbled drunkenly when he released her.

At the commotion, both Remus and Peter had turned to look. "Look, Moony!" Sirius exclaimed, waving the mirror in front of Remus's grumpy face. Gleefully, Sirius spun away. Holding the mirror directly in front of his face, he cried, "James!"


	21. Perpetuus Procella

**Chapter 20: **_Perpetuus Procella_

James lifted his head from where he lay spooned against Lily's back, his arms wrapped around her starved, hollow belly. "Did you hear something?"

"You were probably dreaming."

With a sigh, James lowered his head again and shut his eyes. A few moments later they sprung open. His brows scrunched together. "I _swear _I hear something."

"Wishful thinking."

Shaking his head in denial of her explanations, he sat up and strained his ears. Soon he heard it again. He looked down at Lily. "Didn't you hear that?"

Her own brows knitted, Lily painstakingly turned onto her back. "Yeah, actually, I did."

They listened until they heard it again. James stood up as if to make it clearer. "It sounds muffled."

"If it's outside, the rain would smother and abstract most of it. If it's in the shack, whatever was making it would be dead by now."

"I don't think it's coming from outside."

"So if it's not outside and not inside, where is it?"

They both moved their eyes around their room. "It can't possibly be in here," Lily finally said. She met James's eyes. "They took your wand, didn't they?"

"I think so." He patted his pockets first on the outside of his robes, then on the inside. When he came to a pocket and felt something solid inside, he slowly pulled it out. He held the mirror before his face. He yelped when he didn't see his reflection, but Sirius's.

"Took you long enough." Sirius smiled.

A light came on in James's mind. His smile grew to match his best friends. "Ha! I can't believe this!"

"What? What? What is it?" Lily wanted to know.

James knelt down and shoved the mirror close to her face so she could see it in the dark. She shrieked. "Oh, God! I look like Sirius!"

"Hey!" came from the mirror.

"Lily, this is no ordinary mirror," James began. "This is a two-way mirror. I speak into this end and Sirius can hear me and talk back."

"Like a telephone."

"Er…sure." James tried to remember what a Muggle telephone was. "Yes, exactly."

She gasped. "They can come rescue us!"

"Is that Lily?" Lily and James both looked into the mirror to see Charlie pushing Sirius aside. She peered in, squinted, then let out a cry of relief. "You're alive. Oh, I've been so worried. Where are you? Why did you leave?"

Lily opened her mouth to answer, but James was suddenly pulling the mirror away from her. "That doesn't matter now," he said curtly. "We need to get out of here."

Lily studied his face. Where had that come from? One minute he was all happy-go-lucky, the next he was Mr. Grouch. She mentally put it aside. They had hope, a possibility to get out of here alive. They needed to focus on that. Then she'd need to get to a hospital. Explanations could wait until they were all safe.

Sirius was talking to James again. "Where are you?"

"I dunno." He looked at Lily, who should her head. "Neither does Lily. From what I've seen, it's a rickety wooden building. It's small, only a few tiny rooms inside." He paused as he tried to think of something else that would lend aid to their escape.

"It's storming outside," Lily spoke up. "It's always storming."

* * *

Severus Snape whirled around, a snarl on his lips, eyes narrow and dark. The first year boy instinctively took a step back, eyes round.

They were in the library, in one of the shadowy rows where Snape had been browsing through books at random. He'd needed something to do, something to distract his hands and his mind, so he wouldn't think about _her._

The boy, still frightened, held out a stiff arm. Clutched in his furiously shaking hand was a scrap of parchment. "F-from the headm-master."

Snape snatched the parchment from the boy, and the boy immediately sped off in the opposite direction. Turning around so as not to be seen, Snape let the corners of his mouth twitch upwards. He knew it was awful of him, but sometimes he enjoyed seeing the looks on people's faces when he threw them a glare. The highlights of his life, as it were.

He unrolled the parchment and read: "Dear Severus, I wish to see you in my office as soon as possible. Albus Dumbledore. P.S. Chocolate is soothing in trying times."

He rolled the parchment up again as he began a brisk, no-nonsense walk across the library. He knew what was to come; he'd been waiting for it, and quite frankly he wondered why he hadn't been asked sooner.

He reached the stone gargoyles that guarded the headmaster's office and declared, "Chocolate Frogs." They jumped aside and a spiral staircase appeared.

When he reached the door, he knocked politely and waited to be answered. Permission granted, he entered the room.

Dumbledore was sitting behind his desk, half-moon spectacles miraculously balanced on the tip of his nose as he observed himself write something or other. "Please be seated, Severus," he said without glancing up.

Snape did as he was told quietly and patiently waited for the headmaster to finish what he was doing.

Dumbledore stuck his quill back into his inkwell and rolled up the parchment. Snape wondered if the old man had remembered to cast a drying spell when he had finished. Nevertheless, Dumbledore set aside the parchment and leaned forward in his chair, pales blue eyes fixed on Snape, hands folded on the desk.

"You know why you're here," the headmaster began. Snape nodded. "Then let us not waste time. We've done far to much of that as it is." He waited a beat. "Do you know where they are?"

"It's very risky of me, telling you. Foolish."

Dumbledore simply inclined his head, a very nearly imperceptible nod.

* * *

Charlie, Sirius, and Remus all stared blankly at each other. "Doesn't ring a bell," Sirius said.

"Always storming," Charlie repeated thoughtfully. "I wager Dumbledore would know."

"Then ask him, dammit!" James shouted from inside the mirror. "Get—us—out of here!"

The three jerked and hurried stupidly to the door of the Marauders' dormitory. Remus looked over his shoulder and asked as a second thought, "Coming, Pete?"

As they hurried down the corridor toward the gargoyle statues, Sirius told James through the mirror, "We let you know something as soon as we do." James nodded, they severed the connection, and Sirius slipped the little mirror into the pocket of his robes.

They ran through all the names of the sweets they knew and it didn't take them long to say the correct one. They quickly climbed the stairs, manners forgotten in their haste, and when they reached the top, they flung open the door to the headmaster's office. "Professor Dumbledore, we—" Sirius broke off.

Across from Dumbledore, Severus Snape sat before them, mouth frozen open as if he'd just been about to say something (which he had).

Charlie raised her hands to cover her mouth, her eyes ready to drop out of her head. "Oh my. We are so, _so _terribly sorry. So sorry. We'll just—ah—we'll just—"

Dumbledore stood from behind his desk, hand raised palm-out as if to silence her. "Never mind that, Miss Simmons. You are fortunate to have interrupted something that would probably be beneficial to your hearing as well." He peered at the four Gryffindors over his spectacles. "However, best keep your manners close to mind next time." He gestured. "Please, sit. Continue, Severus."

Snape glanced warily at the group of Gryffindors. "Perpetuus Procella," he began. "It is an insignificant island in the Irish Sea, just north of Wales, just west of England. I don't know the exact coordinates."

"Perpetuus Procella," the headmaster muttered quietly to himself. "Latin for Perpetual Storm."

"It's always storming there. Never stops," Snape told him.

From where she sat, Charlie smacked her forehead with her hand.

* * *

James sat with his back against the wall, his arms wrapped around Lily's torso as she sat propped against his chest.

"I'm so cold." Her voice was more a suggestion of one, barely traceable and rapidly disappearing—as was her pulse. It scared the hell out of James.

He leaned forward in the dark and pulled his arms out of his robes, then leaned back again and covered her with it, though he knew it wouldn't help.


	22. Age Catching Up

**Chapter 21: **_Age Catching Up_

"James…"

James moaned, not wanting to wake from his doze. He could already tell his mind had surfaced to consciousness, but he squeezed his eyes shut tight.

"James."

Grunting, James turned his head as though turning away from something.

"For God's sake, Prongs, pick up the damn mirror!"

His eyes flew open, and he was so startled he choked on his own saliva. Sputtering and coughing, he tried not to jostle Lily much, whom was still propped against his chest sleeping, as he rooted around on the floor to grab hold of the mirror. He paused, however, and brought his fingertips to her neck. He concentrated, and when he felt the weak throb of her pulse, his body relaxed slightly. He pick up the mirror, brought it close to his face to see it in the dark, and whispered, "Padfoot? Sirius?"

"Doze off?"

"Yeah. How long were you in there?"

"Ten minutes," Sirius answered with amusement.

James grunted in disgust. "Well, did he know? Do you know where we are?"

"Yeah, but Dumbledore didn't tell us."

"What do you mean, Dumbledore didn't tell you?"

Sirius explained how he, Charlie, Remus, and Peter had burst in on the meeting between Dumbledore and Snape.

"So what happens now?" James asked when Sirius had finished.

"Dumbledore went straight to the ministry to cease the search for you two, then gather all the Aurors to ambush Perpetuus Procella. That's the island on which you're held captive."

James tightened the one arm he still had wrapped around Lily. "I hope they come soon."

"I don't doubt their ability to form and steak out; it's the actual attack that has me concerned. I hope they can get you both out safely without getting caught in the crossfire. Lord knows that neither of you would live."

"I can't wait to get back," James said. "I want to get Lily help straight away."

"We'll be no less anxious waiting for you."

"Excusez-moi?" James heard Charlie speak up in French as if she'd been offended. "Whatever do you mean, waiting, however anxiously? You certainly don't expect me to just sit here, do you?"

James listened to the ensuing bicker match.

"No, I don't expect you to just sit there. You can pace, you can sing, you can read—"

"Oh, you think you're so clever! I will not stay here and wait! You can't make me!"

James heard the grin in Sirius's tone. "You wanna bet?"

Charlie growled in frustration. "I'm going to that island, and I'm going to get Lily."

"And how do you expect to do that?"

"I'll make—"

"Portkeys are illegal except to those with special authorization."

"Fine! I'll—"

"You can't Apparate worth a damn, either."

"How the hell do you know?"

"I know that you failed your test because you Apparated to Mexico when you were supposed to Apparate to Spain."

"It was close enough!"

"No."

"Fine, I'll swim, then!"

To James, Sirius smiled sweetly. "One moment, please."

There was a flash of light, followed by a thump. "There," Sirius breathed.

"Trouble in paradise?"

"You have no idea."

"No, more like a vague recollection. I'd hurry, before she comes to," James told his best friend. "Pack your things, move to Borneo, and change your name to Job Whitman."

"You think she'll be that bad?"

"My only advice to you, my friend, is this: run."

* * *

Voldemort sat on his make-belief throne, wondering what he should do to his two prisoners. Should there be sharp objects, or harsh spells? Should there be lots of blood, or will he cut off their air? The latter was much too clean, however. 

Someone pounded urgently on the door to this left. With a sigh, he called for them to enter as he wondered what had gone wrong now.

Lucius Malfoy strutted in, chin held high, sneer on his lips. He came to knee before his master, ducking his head in respect.

"Rise, Lucius," Voldemort commanded, straightening in his chair. When his servant complied, he said, "Why are you here? I thought you had a lunch date with our Minister of Magic?"

"I did, my lord. However, while we were eating an urgent message came for the minister by way of the head of the Auror Division."

"Oh? And you just so happened to accidentally overhear part of their conversation, Lucius?"

"They know where this island is, master. They know this is where the Mudblood and Potter are being held. I don't know how, sir, but when I left the ministry ten minutes ago, they had already gathered all Aurors and were making their way here. I came to warn you."

* * *

Sirius and James promised to keep each other updated before severing the connection. Moments later, Lily woke with a groan. "Am I dead yet?" 

James sighed. "I just talked to Sirius." He sensed rather than heard Lily come to attention. "This island is called Perpetuus Procella. I think that's Latin for something. Dumbledore's rounding up the Aurors to come sneak us out."

"How will they get past Voldemort and the Death Eaters?"

"I don't know. Luck," he sighed.

Lily turned her head to the side, tipped it up. James leaned down and lightly brushed his lips over hers.

They sat there for a while, in the lonesome dark. They could hear nothing; not the storm they knew always raged overhead, not a groan of the shack as it undoubtedly swayed in the storm.

Then suddenly the door to their room burst open. It crashed against the wall, sounding like gunfire. Light spilled in, leaving the teenagers momentarily blind. When their eyes did focus, they saw Voldemort silhouetted in the doorframe.

"How did you do it?" he asked, he voice dangerously quiet and deliberate.

Instinct told James to play dumb as he pushed himself to his feet, dragging Lily with him. Never would he let Voldemort look down on him. "Do what?"

In three angry strides, Voldemort was across the room and standing in front of him, nearly nose-to-nose. James firmly but gently pushed Lily behind him. She leaned against the wall at her back for support.

"Don't play games with me, Potter, you demoralized riffraff. How does the ministry know where to look?"

Again James played his features to look innocent as he knit his brows and frowned. On the inside, his stomach, empty as it may be, was sliding around, slick as grease and quivering with nerves. "The ministry? I don't know what you're talking about, sir."

Voldemort narrowed his eyes until it looked as if he'd simply shut them. He seemed as if to be concentrating hard. Then James felt it; a tingling sensation in his head. Again, instinct told him to clear his mind, to shut it off.

Voldemort's lips pulled back to bear his teeth in a snarl. A guttural growl of rage echoed deep within his throat, and before James knew better, he'd been thrown across room, pain erupting everywhere within him.

It was awful. He'd often read stories of the Cruciatus Curse before, knew how it worked, but he'd neither cast nor received the spell in his life. Needles pricked his skin everywhere all at once; knives were stabbing him, over and over; punches were being thrown from every direction and he could not block the blows. He could only scream as he'd never screamed before, wishing, hoping, _praying_ for oblivion.

Lily had fallen, unable to support herself, even against the wall. Her heart was pounding faster, harder than it had in days. She tried to cry out, but the screams were locked in her dry, aching throat.

Again and again the curse was cast. At last James could only lie on the chipped wooden floor, thinking: Is this what she went through for days, before I got to her? Oh, God.

"I'm going to ask one last time, Potter. How did you contact the ministry?"

Through glasses that were miraculously unharmed, James squinted up at Voldemort. "I didn't."

The Dark Lord studied him a moment, before turned on Lily. He'd found implication in James's statement that never even existed, let alone had been meant.

Looking at Lily now, Voldemort slowly came to stand just before where she lay on the floor, breathing hard in a mixture of exertion and fear. "How did you contact the ministry?" he inquired again, in his quiet, deliberate tone.

Lily glanced across the room to where James was struggling to gain his feet. His attempts were futile, however, and he could barely prop himself up on his elbows. Their eyes met, a clash of emerald and hazel. Then she tore hers away, and didn't see his widen in panic and fright, for he'd read her silent message, and knew what she was about to do.

He may not realize it, but he'd done so much for her that she could never pay him back in whole. Doing this was as close as she could come. She may not save his life, but at least she'd have the peace of mind to know that she had spared him some moments.

She brought her eyes up to meet Voldemort's. "How did I contact the ministry?" She managed to chuckle. "Well, well, wouldn't you like to know?"

For one second, Lily was almost regretful that his angry snarl was going to be the last thing she ever saw.

* * *

Charlie slowly opened her eyes and blinked. She recognized Sirius's bed, on which she happened to be lying. 

She couldn't remember falling asleep, or even being tired, but…oh. Oh no. He didn't. He _didn't._

"Look who's waking up," cooed someone from nearby. Recognizing the voice, Charlie growled deep in her throat—and quickly found herself bound by ropes.

"Mustn't take any chances," Sirius sang, tapping his wand against his palm like a schoolteacher. "I happen to want to live longer."

Her anger didn't go away, but she calmed enough on the outside to raise an eyebrow at him, her mouth forming a sly smile. "Kinky."

She spotted Remus across the room, pacing and running his hands through his hair. All seriousness settled in, as well as worry for her friends. "How long was I out? Has anything happened?"

"It's only been thirty minutes since we last had contact with James and Lily," Sirius told her, coming to sit on the edge of the bed near her stomach. "However, Professor McGonagall was just here, having been instructed by Dumbledore to keep us informed of the proceedings. She said that the Aurors had been assembled within minutes, and they moved out a while ago. They should have reached the island by now, probably have located the shack."

Charlie blew out a sigh. "I wish I could just go to sleep and not wake up until everything is all right again."

Sirius reached out and laid a hand on her cheek. "Everything will be back to normal soon enough. I just want Lily and James back."

* * *

"_Crucio!"_

For the third time Lily cringed as her body was wracked with pain. That was all she could do.

"_Crucio! Crucio! Crucio! _You stupid, worthless wretch! You filthy, ungrateful Mudblood! How dare you! How dare you deceive me!"

After a fighting a winning battle against his protesting bones, James had made it to his knees. His heart was squeezing painfully, fearing for his love. The love he couldn't reach to save.

Finally Voldemort stopped the curses, and stared down at Lily, his breathing labored, fury in his eyes. He abruptly stooped down on his haunches, shoving his face into hers. "You're going to die slowly, painfully. They'll find you dead and your _boyfriend _weeping over your cold body and know that they were too late. They'll know what will happen if they cross Voldemort, and lose."

He conjured a long, sharp dagger. He looked it up and down, smiling sickly. He tested the point by touching his finger to it. Then in the blink of an eye he'd buried it to the hilt in her side.

It was done so quickly Lily didn't even gasp. She did, however, feel skin break, tissues tear, and organs puncture. She felt the warm liquid that was her blood pour out of her body. The faster it flowed, the colder she got.

Voldemort leaned close again, just so she could hear. "You had great power, Lily. You would have done well fighting for the right side, but you would have been greater fighting for mine. Pity to have to let you go."

With that he stood, gazed at her for another moment, then turned and walked out the door. He didn't look back once.

James crawled as fast as he could to her side, which in reality was about as quick as a tortoise. She lay on her back, the horrid dagger sticking out of her right side, and the wall on her left. He knelt in the dark pool that was growing beside her. Moaning in agony, he muttered, "No, no, no. Why'd you do that? Why? No, no, no."

That's how Dumbledore discovered them.

* * *

The next hour was pandemonium. They tried to drag James away from Lily, but he refused to go, so they stunned him. Lily had fallen unconscious from blood loss. The Aurors had taken down the wards protecting the shack on their way in, so they gathered up the two teenagers and Apparated them straight to St. Mungo's Hospital. 

Most of the Aurors left as soon as they were delivered, but a handful stayed behind to secure the wards in which James and Lily were being care for. Healers rushed around, grabbed this, calling for that, always taking the vital signs of both and trying to staunch Lily's wound's blood flow.

Lily died. For about thirty seconds. Her heart stopped because it was too weak to keep on pumping. But soon enough the healers got it working with stark will power—and not a little magic, too.

They removed the dagger, inspected and passed it finding no poison or quirks whatsoever. They healed the organs, repaired the tissue, and closed the wound. They forced potions down her throat—one to replenish blood, one to nourish, one to heal bruises, and one to do the finishing touches on fixing her innards.

When she was stable and everything done that could be at the moment, the nurse assigned to Lily cast a cleaning spell and transfigured her ragged school robes into a clean dressing gown. Then she was left to sleep, her hair washed and shiny, her skin soft and smooth, and her expression peaceful for the first time in days.

James was given many of the same potions Lily was, with the exception of the one that polished innards. He never died, but he did fall into a deep, deep sleep after the healers assured him that Lily was going to live.

* * *

Within hours reporters filled St. Mungo's welcome area. The Welcome Witch practically had to beat them back with a stick, repeating, "No, we have no patients here by that name. No, we do not know their condition being that they're not here. No! No comment, no comment! Stay back! Stay back I tell you! I am authorized to do whatever necessary to protect our patients!"

* * *

Back at Hogwarts, McGonagall had informed Sirius, Charlie, Remus, and Peter that Lily and James had been found and were in stable condition at St. Mungo's. Presently, they were all yelling at Dumbledore in unison, demanding to allowed to see their friends. 

Finally, Dumbledore stood abruptly and raised his voice for one of the rare times in his life. "You will _not _go and see them tonight! They need to rest, and so do you four. We all do. You will go and see them in the morning, no sooner."

The lines in his face seemed deeper, longer than ever before. The muscles in his face were tense, and his benevolent blue eyes held not their usual twinkle. He felt old today. Maybe his hair was mostly white, maybe gravity hadn't been so kind to his skin, but he'd never felt older than he did today.


	23. One Step Closer

**Chapter 22: **_One Step Closer_

The nurse opened the door slowly, as if trying not to make a sound. Turning her head, she held a finger up to her mouth, indicating that he shouldn't speak. Then she stepped into the room, James following behind her, their footsteps softly padding on the floor.

Walking toward the bed, James's eyes ran over Lily, wild to find anything wrong with her. But there wasn't, not any longer. She lay on the hospital bed, covered with a lime green sheet, her head supported by a single white pillow. The morning sunlight drifted over her and gave her a soft, surreal glow. Her breathing was deep from exhaustion, but her face was relaxed and peaceful, no longer pale.

James looked at the thin sheet. His concern for Lily making him forget that he was not to speak, he asked the nurse in a whisper, "Won't she be cold?"

The nurse mentally sighed at his forgetting the rule. "Her fever broke some time ago during the night. After that she's kept herself warm enough."

James nodded. They stood there a few moments longer, but finally James began awkwardly, "D'you mind if…? Could you please…?"

The nurse smiled kindly at his back. "Of course." She went to the door, opened it, and then shut it again behind her, all without making a sound.

Now alone, James leaned forward and gingerly placed his hand on Lily's cheek, feeling for fever. But the nurse had been right; her cheek was warm under his palm.

He rubbed his thumb over her cheek, the tip just brushing her eyelashes. She murmured something low and incoherent in her sleep, turning her face into his hand. James smiled. Bending over her, he kissed her forehead. "Lily."

Her eyes slowly fluttered open. Blinking to focus, she stared up at him blankly, her eyelids still heavy with sleep. When recognition registered, a smile crept over her face, and her eyes misted. "It's over."

Nodding, James settled on the edge of the bed as close to her as he could be. Lily closed her eyes for moment, sniffled, and when she opened them, she reached up her own hand to lie on his cheek. "You're all right?"

"I am," he assured her, "as are you."

As he finished his statement, an overwhelming silence smothered them. Both withdrew their hands and looked away, neither understanding the sudden awkwardness.

The moment James had awaken, he'd attempted to get out of bed to go in search of her. The nurse had come just in time to order him back to bed. After some ridiculous but necessary tests, the nurse led him to Lily. But now that he was here, he didn't know what to say. He had forgiven her folly when he'd found her, but now it seemed something else was needed. Taking a deep breath, he decided to find out what that was.

"Lily." He took her hand in both his own. "Why did you leave? I'm sure you were hurt by what you had found, however wrong your assumptions had been, but why did you run away?"

She was silent a moment, staring at their joined hands, thinking over her answer. "I didn't know what else to do," she said simply. "I didn't know that it had been staged. I was so hurt, so angry, I knew I wouldn't have been able to look at you day after day with _her_, or anybody else for that matter."

She shook her head as if she knew that the entire thing had been so foolish. "I didn't know I was so insecure where you were concerned. I didn't know that I was just waiting for you to get bored with me. But when I found that stupid, ugly bra, it all hit me so hard that that was all I could think: _This is what I've been waiting for. I'm not enough anymore._"

James's face had a pained look to it. "Oh, Lily."

"I know. It's sounds so silly now. But at that time, it made complete sense to me."

James digested this and felt as if one of the mysterious unexplained gaps of that night filled.

"When we discovered you were gone," he began, "everyone was crazy. We couldn't find you. Dumbledore even started the entire ministry looking for you."

"The entire ministry?" Lily asked, incredulous.

James nodded. "Dozens upon dozens of Aurors were assigned different areas of Hogsmeade, Diagon Alley, London. It mustn't have been hours after you had left, so we didn't think you'd have been able to have gone far." His brow furrowed. "Where did you go?"

"Hogsmeade was my first stop," Lily answered. She thought it bizarre that they'd never discussed this in all the hours they were held captive together. "It was the middle of the night, and I was tired, especially after walking the path. I had just found a bench to lie down on when someone stupefied me."

"But how did they know you would be there?"

Lily moved her shoulders, a frown creasing her forehead. "I'm not sure. Observation, communication?"

"No." James shook his head thoughtfully. "You're making it sound as if it had been a coincidence. If the scene in Gryffindor Tower had been staged, I bet that was, too."

There was a pause as the same thought came into both their minds. Lily voiced it. "And maybe both were staged by the same person…"

"Jessica Fanning is a Death Eater. We already know that."

"We do?"

"Didn't I ever tell you how I was captured?" James asked, slightly incredulous.

"No," Lily answered. She huffed out a laugh. "I'm surprised I never thought to ask."

So James told her about being woken up by Charlie, following Jessica into the forbidden forest, and fighting with the Death Eaters.

"Did you recognize any of the other Death Eaters?" Lily asked.

"Unfortunately, no."

"I didn't recognize any that I came across, either."

"Were there many?"

"No. One brought me my meals, and one took me to see Voldemort. And actually, I think it was one and the same."

James froze mid-nod. "You saw Voldemort?"

"Mm-hmm. Spoke with him, too."

With overdue and unnecessary fear, James grabbed her shoulders and looked into her eyes, his own so intense Lily could have sworn he was trying to see into her soul. "Did he hurt you?"

"No." Touched, she smiled softly at him and touched his cheek. "No, James, he didn't hurt me. The only time he touched me during the entire time I was held captive was to run a finger down my cheek."

He scowled. "That finger should be cut off and chopped into tiny little pieces."

Lily choked back a giggle. He looked so handsome with his features all dark and brooding. On impulse, she leaned forward and touched her lips to his frowning ones. His fingers flexed on her shoulders, and she brought up her other hand to cradle his face. The kiss deepened as feelings and emotions took over. Both were more grateful than words could describe to simply be alive, healthy, and together.

Neither realized they were no longer alone until—

"Well, they seem to be recovering quickly."

Lily and James sprang apart and twisted around to face the door in time to see Charlie smack Sirius upside the head.

"That was so _rude_, Sirius. They were having a moment."

"A moment that challenged me not to throw up."

"Oh, and I'm presuming you always smile like an idiot while trying to keep the contents of your stomach at bay?"

"Depends on what's making me want to throw up."

"If it makes you want to throw up, then why would you be smiling at it?"

As bickering ensued, James muttered to Lily under his breath, "And to think I actually missed this."

* * *

Not minutes later the nurse told James he needed to go back to his room and rest. She looked a bit miffed that he'd woken Lily up, but seemed to brush it off. Lily got to spend an hour talking with Charlie, Sirius, Remus, and Peter. When the boys decided they were going to go find some food, Lily asked Charlie to stay behind. 

Four chairs had been conjured and now sat at Lily's bedside. Charlie remained seated in the one closest to her as they both watched the three Marauders make their way out of the room, arguing about which floor the cafeteria was on.

Once they were gone and the door shut, Lily turned to Charlie. Strangely, she felt the same sort of awkwardness come over them that she'd felt when James had woken her. She'd noticed that the entire time her friends had been visiting her, Charlie had been sort of withdrawn.

Lily was grateful when Charlie broke the silence, but the quiet statement it was broken with made her feel guilty and miserable as all hell.

"You left me."

Lily sighed. "I don't know how I'll ever show you how sorry I am, Charlie."

"Why don't you start with an explanation?"

So Lily explained. She started with going up to retrieve her books from James's bag, finding the bra, her heart braking. She moved on to running away, being captured, Voldemort's proposal. She didn't leave out one detail; she told her everything. Charlie remained silent the entire time, listening intently. Lily was grateful for that, because she didn't know if she'd be able to start again if she stopped.

When she finished, both girls were quietly weeping; Charlie because she hurt for her friend, Lily because she felt so stupid for starting the whole thing with bad judgment. Charlie had moved to sit on the bed, and they clung to each other, holding fast.

"I'm so, so sorry, Charlie," Lily whispered into her best friend's shoulder.

"You should be," Charlie admonished her lightly. She took hold of the redhead's shoulders and drew her away. "Have you told James about what Voldemort offered you?"

"No." Lily sniffled. "We were just getting to it when you four showed up."

"Oh." Charlie looked away, picked at her robes. "So, he and you are all right? As a couple, I mean."

"Yeah." Lily smiled softly. "Or at least we will be, once we can put this behind us." She studied her as Charlie nodded. "How about you? How are you and Sirius?"

Charlie sighed. "All right, I suppose."

Lily raised her eyebrows and prodded further. "You suppose?"

"It's just, we don't—there's no romance in our relationship anymore. It's grown almost completely fraternal and sororal. And trust me, it's a major turn-off when you feel like you're kissing your brother."

Lily scrunched up her nose. "What are you going to do about it?"

"I don't know. I don't know if he feels the same, and I don't want to break up with him if it's going to break his heart."

Lily took her friend's hand. "Charlie, forgetting that Sirius is one of my friends, if you're unhappy in a relationship, then you shouldn't be in it at all."

"But what if I break up with him and he gets all angry and storms off before I can explain why?"

"Then you can tell him he missed his chance if he comes back wanting to know why." Lily tilted her head and gazed at Charlie intently. "Do you want me to talk to him first, see how he feels?"

"I wouldn't want to be a burden on you. You're just getting over a traumatic event."

"Excuse me?" Lily exclaimed, leaning back and looking highly offended. "Since when have you _ever_ been a burden on me? Enlighten me, please, because I can not remember _once_ when all you were was extra baggage."

Charlie opened and closed her mouth several times. "I didn't mean it that way. I'm sorry."

"You should be," Lily said lightly, mimicking Charlie's earlier admonishment.

"It's just that, after all you've just been through, I wouldn't want to—"

"Charlie, do me a favor," Lily cut her off.

Charlie blinked her brown eyes. "What's that?"

"Shut up." Lily leaned forward and took the brunette's hand again. Speaking earnestly, she said, "Traumatic event or not, my friend is in need of my help, and I will do whatever possible to render her aid. This isn't the first time I've nearly died. You don't have to be scared of me just because I've been through hell and back and survived. Thrice."

Charlie was quiet a moment. Then she lifted her chin. "I'll talk to him myself, thank you," she stated.

Lily smiled. She sounded brave and resilient…like her old self.

* * *

Sirius, Remus, and Peter had only been back for a couple minutes when the nurse came in and said it was Lily's rest time. So the four trooped off to visit James. 

Just before crossing the threshold into James's room, Charlie pulled on Sirius's sleeve. He turned, and she motioned for him to follow her. She led him down several flights of stairs, through St. Mungo's welcome area, and into Muggle London. Finding a vacant bench, she sat down and waited for him to settle in next to her.

She didn't know what to say. He was looking at her intently, waiting for her to state her reason for their little excursion. She knew they weren't supposed to leave the hospital, a rule told sternly by Professor McGonagall before they arrived, but she'd wanted privacy, and she didn't think a hospital was the best place to talk about something such as this. Besides, it's not like he had any qualms with breaking the rules.

Taking a deep breath, she decided to wing it. "I needed to talk to you about…about us."

She glanced up, saw him still gazing at her patiently, so she continued, rather quickly, "It's not that I don't love you, Sirius, I do, but just not _that way_. I mean, you're like a brother to me, and I don't like kissing my brother. Not that you don't kiss well, I like your kisses, just not—oh, help." And she buried her face in her hands.

She was scolding herself mentally for babbling on like an idiot when she heard a low chuckle next to her. Peeking between her fingers, she saw him still watching her, his lips tipped up in the corners, mirth filling his gray eyes. She was amusing him. She felt a fresh wave of heat scorch her face before she covered it again.

She felt him take hold of her wrists and draw her hands away from her face. She kept her face contorted—her eyes squeezed shut tight, her nose scrunched up, her lips puckered and pursed. She was working on the "out of sight, out of mind" method.

"Charlie, look at me."

She did, first peeking open one eye, then the other. Sighing, she relaxed the rest of her face.

"I understand," he said.

Charlie jerked. "You do?"

Shrugging, he let go of her hands. "Yeah. I started to feel the same way just a few days ago. I was going to wait it out, see if it was just a phase, but now I'm beginning to think it's not." He looked back up at her. "And I love you, too, just not _that way_." He snickered.

Charlie snorted before standing from the bench. Stretching her arms over her head, she said, "Well, that's a relief. Best be getting back."

Sirius had stood as well. "Not yet. There's one thing that I have to do."

Turning to face him, she asked, her brows furrowed, "What's that?"

"This." His arms snaked out, grabbed her, and brought her close. His mouth closed over her gasp and his tongue slid against hers. When he drew her away, she swayed, blinked, then took a deep breath.

"Okay, that was _not_ brotherly. That was 'come on, baby, I'll show you a good time'." Charlie shuddered. "Oh look, now I'm tingling. You sure you want to break up?"

Chuckling, Sirius put an arm around her waist, pulled her close to his side where he knew she would always be, and started them walking back to the hospital.

"You know what?" Charlie babbled. "I think the fraternal-sororal phase is over."

* * *

Later, just before Remus, Sirius, Charlie, and Peter left St. Mungo's, Charlie snuck into Lily's room. 

"Hey," the redhead greeted, sitting up a little straighter in bed.

"Hey." Charlie came to stand at the bedside. She sighed. "I couldn't do it."

"Couldn't do what?" Lily asked.

"I couldn't break up with him."

Now completely alert, Lily demanded details. Charlie told her about dragging him outside, making a fool of herself, and Sirius's phase-ending kiss.

"Wow."

Charlie grinned a bit drunkenly, remembering. "I know. I think he was just going with the flow when he told me that he felt the same way. He knew he could stop me feeling sibling-ish if he put his mind to it."

Lily smiled wide as Russia. "So you're in love."

Charlie smiled, abruptly near tears. "It's mutual."

The two girls embraced. "I'm so happy for you. Now I have someone to be gushy with."

Charlie snorted, pulling away. "Like it ever stopped you before." She paused, studying her friend, thinking over everything that she'd learned today. "I hope you and James will be able to cross the bridge quickly and move on."

"Me too."

Charlie walked to the door, and with her hand on the knob turned and said, "Oh, Dumbledore told me to tell you that he'll speak with you and James when you return."

"All right."

Charlie nodded and slowly opened the door. She stepped through, closed it halfway, and poked her head in. "'Bye, Lily," she whispered.

"'Bye, Charlie," Lily whispered back, feeling foolish as tears formed in her eyes.

Charlie closed the door and was gone.

* * *

Nate, Anna, Seth, and Tina Potter had come to visit both James and Lily before dinner. Tears had been shed, hugs exchanged, and affections proclaimed. 

Later James was able to come in for one last visit before they both were to go to sleep. He listened while she finished her story, leaving no gaps, like she'd told Charlie. Many emotions played over his face, but the most of which was pride. He was proud that she hadn't given in, that she'd been willing to die rather than betray those closest to her.

"That's why you're a Gryffindor," he said.

Now that everything had been explained and no questions were between she and James, Lily felt they were one step closer to recovery. And everyday they would get closer, she thought.

In the time they had left, they talked about other topics, from Quidditch to the NEWTs they were going to have to spend many sleepless nights studying for. When their time was almost up, James became very quiet and thoughtful. Curious, Lily asked what was on his mind.

"You know I love you, don't you?" he asked, casting her a side-glance.

"Ye-es," she answered slowly. "And I love you."

He nodded and went back to thinking his own thoughts. Then out of nowhere—"Marry me, Lily."

Her eyes snapped to his face, which was still turned away from her. "Come again?" she squeaked.

"Marry me." Turning, he took her hands in his own. "You nearly died three times now, Lily."

Lily giggled, thinking of what she'd told Charlie previously.

James, misinterpreting it, gave her a little shake. "It's not funny. I've had to watch you come perilously close to dying more times than I care to admit. I know we haven't been together long, but who knows just how long either of us still have? A morbid thought, I know, but I'm serious. If you're ever taken from me, I want to know that I was together with you in every way possible. I want us to make the most of our time together. I want you to belong to me, and me to you."

Lily stared at him, totally flabbergasted. Then going on a whim, she decided not to give herself time to think it over and create doubts. "Yes."

James leaned back, blinked. "What?"

"Yes!" Lily repeated with more enthusiasm, throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him. "Yes, yes, yes!"

"Really?"

Lily froze. She didn't like his tone. Slowly drawing back, she asked in a low voice, "Is there something wrong with that?"

"Yes. No. Maybe. Never mind." Suddenly he stood, shaking his head. "It's too soon. It was stupid to ask. Forget it."

She gaped at him as he walked to the door. Before he reached it, however, Lily threw back the covers of her bed and swung her legs over the side. James, catching this out of the corner of his eye, spun around. "Lily, what are you doing? Get back in bed, you're not strong enough."

"Watch me." Seeing red, she put her bare feet on the floor and pushed herself to stand—and promptly collapsed.

"Lily!" James rushed to her. But when he reached for her, she batted him away, tears spilling over onto her cheeks.

"Leave me alone. I can do this." Sniffling, her pride as wounded as her heart, she pushed herself onto all fours. And didn't have the energy to do more. "Oh," she sobbed, angry with her body for being weak.

"Here, darling, let me help you." Again James reached for her, but she knocked his hands away, glaring at him.

"Leave me alone. I'll get there by myself," she sobbed. But her arms, already wobbling, gave out from under her.

Saying nothing, James rolled her over, picked her up, sat on the bed and cradled her.

"James, you bloody prat," she cried, pounding her fists on his chest half-heartedly, "you don't propose to girl, then take it back. You don't _do_ that."

"I'm sorry," he said in a soothing voice. "I didn't realize."

"That's no excuse. You're going to marry me, you prat, whether it's time or not. You deserve to be chained to me for all eternity."

"You make me sound like I'll be a prisoner," he chuckled, enjoying her.

"Oh, you will be, my friend. You will be. I'll make it my earth-bound mission to make your life miserable from the moment you say 'I do.'"

"And when will this moment take place?"

"Halloween."

James laughed again, kissing her pouting lips. "It's a date."


	24. Postlude: No Happy Endings Here

**Postlude: **_No Happy Endings Here_

"Harry—no! Harry, don't! Stop!"

One-year-old Harry giggled and waved Lily's wand around some more. Sparks shot out, singeing the sofa cushions.

"Harry James Potter! Give that to Mummy!"

The redhead lunged, narrowly missing the baby as he toddled out of reach. She scrambled after him, but just before she could grab him, big, strong hands picked him up under the arms.

"What have you got there, Harry?" James asked his son. At his feet, Lily huffed as she stood. Harry proudly held out his mother's wand to James, who took it and pretended to examine it. "Hmm… This looks like Mummy's wand." He gave Harry a look; the baby stuck his fingers in his mouth and bent his head sheepishly.

As James handed her back her wand, Lily said, "I've been trying to get that away from him for the last fifteen minutes. I don't know how he got it, I put it in the cupboard over the sink."

"Perhaps he summoned it," he suggested absently as he tickled Harry's neck. Harry squealed and tried to wiggle away. James just held him tighter and smothered him in kisses.

Lily couldn't hold back a small smile as she watched them. "Perhaps."

Every couple always says that their baby was a miracle. Well, with Harry that word seriously implies. After Excrutio Venenum, Lily hadn't had even the merest hope that she could become pregnant. Low and behold, fifteen months after she and James had been married she discovered a firm lump in her abdomen. The following summer Harry was born.

But it wasn't an entirely blissful moment. Lily'd tried her hardest to procrastinate giving birth until August. For if her baby was born "as the seventh month dies," he would be one of the two prime targets of Voldemort.

Just weeks before Harry was born, Dumbledore had informed James and Lily that while he was interviewing a new Divination professor, the woman had gone into a trance. She'd spoken in a throaty, hollow voice, the following prophecy:

_"The one with the power to vanquish the_

_Dark Lord approaches. … Born to those who have_

_thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies … and the_

_Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows_

_not … and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while_

_the other survives. … The one with the power to vanquish the_

_Dark Lord will be born as the seventh_

_month dies. …"_

Lily would always think it just their luck, that when she and James defy what supposed to be impossible and conceive a baby, it would be at a price. Happiness always has a cost, in her opinion, just as freedom doesn't come free. There would always be consequences, no matter how little the cause. The ripple effect.

But a year has gone by and still Harry is with them. It's an unspoken understanding that no one discusses the prophecy. Besides, the only people who should know of it is Dumbledore, James and Lily, and Frank and Alice Longbottom, who also have a child the prophecy could pertain to.

However, Dumbledore revealed to them that one of Voldemort's henchmen had eavesdropped on his meeting with Sybil Trelawney, the Divination professor, and would have surely gone straight to Voldemort with the information. The headmaster didn't think the eavesdropper had heard the entire prophecy, but he couldn't be for certain.

It was nearing the end of October, over a year later, and James and Lily try to go about day by day as casually as possible. For the last several months Dumbledore has been urging them to go into hiding, and they're beginning to submit. They've agreed that they may have to throw away their pride in order to protect their son.

Lily hated it, the waiting, the not knowing. She was told not to trust anyone, which was very difficult, but she knew she could at least trust her and James's friends. They were the last people she would expect to betray her family.

"Hey." Lily blinked and focused on James fingers, which were being snapped in front of her face. "Where'd you go? Can we come?"

She shook her head with a sigh. "No where." She smiled as she plucked Harry from his father's arms. "Shall we go set the table, shnookums? How far behind you was Sirius?" she asked James over her shoulder as she walked in the direction of the kitchen.

"He was nearly done with a report, then he was going to gather the others and bring them over. I would say they should be here within," he checked his watch, "ten minutes."

"Good," Lily said, Harry dangling from one of her arms as she used her wand to finish dinner with the other. "That's just enough time."

Sure enough, seven minutes later, a big, black, shaggy dog rushed into the kitchen, barking loud enough to wake the dead. Harry had been set in a corner with some of his toys where Lily could keep one eye on him; the dog rushed at him. But instead of being terrified, as any outsider would have expected, Harry giggled and pushed himself to stand. The dog drenched him in kisses before rolling onto its back. Harry, as he'd been taught, toppled onto the dog's belly.

In an instant Sirius had turned into a human again and was making exaggerated sounds of pain as Harry beat on his stomach like it was a drum. "Ouch, ouch! Show some mercy, kid, I'm your dogfather! I mean godfather! Ouch!"

Harry, being the nice guy he is, stopped beating on Sirius. Instead, he reached forward and grabbed Sirius's nose and yanked. Now the man yelped in earnest.

" 'Atta boy, Harry," Charlie said as she leaned down to take Harry in her arms. Completely ignoring Sirius, she walked out of the kitchen cooing at the baby and encouraging him to torture his godfather any time he could.

Sirius sat up with a sigh. Lily, who'd stood at the sink watching the whole production, went to crouch beside him and give him a hug hello. "Still hasn't forgiven you, huh?"

He sighed again, closing his eyes and holding her tighter. "No. I don't know what else to do, Lily."

She pulled back to kiss his forehead. "Sometimes, when you've done all you can do, it's best to just sit back and let time take the wheel. Just give her time, Sirius." She smiled a little. "If it makes you feel better, I forgave you a long time ago."

"Yeah." Sirius let her help him to his feet, then put his arm around her waist. "That always helps."

Upon entering the living room, they saw Charlie playing with Harry on the floor, and James, Peter, and Remus seated on the furniture, talking.

Lily winked at Sirius before leaving him to stand behind her husband. Bending over the back of the sofa, she kissed his cheek. "Just wanted to wish you luck. 'Bye."

" 'Bye?" Instantly James stood and turned to face her as she rejoined Sirius. "What d'you mean, 'bye? Where're you going? And why can't I come?"

"Sirius and I are going to run away to Switzerland and elope." She moved toward the door of the house, dragging Sirius along in her wake. "Hurry, Sirius, before he catches us!"

Purposefully Sirius dragged his feet, a small smile on his lips, allowing James to vault over the couch and grab Lily up in his arms. She squealed as he spun her around in circles and laughed in between kisses.

This was not unusual. Twice a week since they left Hogwarts the friends would gather at the Potters' to have dinner and chat. Once every couple of months Lily and Sirius would act out this little scene just so James would get riled up. No one would forget the first time they'd done it almost a year ago; James had been so gullible as to believe it, and had punched Sirius's lights out. And no one said anything, though they all knew it: that was also the night Harry had been conceived.

At dinner, several conversations took place at once. Lily tried to feed Harry some of the mashed potatoes and corn she'd prepared with the ham. It looked a little like Thanksgiving feast, but nobody minded. It was food, after all.

All speaking ceased only when a glob of potatoes smacked Sirius in the face. There was a moment of silence before Charlie burst out laughing and Harry giggled. "No, no, Harry, naughty," Lily reprimanded even as Charlie gasped, "Good one, kid, good one!"

After that they all retreated back into the living room to talk some more. After ten minutes, however, Lily announced, "Someone's soiled his nappy." She was just getting up to take him upstairs when Charlie leapt to her feet with her arms out.

"No need to get up, Lily, I'll change him."

Lily shrugged and again snuggled into James's side. Charlie took Harry from his mother's lap and disappeared up the stairs. In the space of time anyone could count to five, Sirius had followed her. James, Lily, Remus, and Peter just looked at each other and sighed.

Charlie laid Harry on the changing table and set to work. She knew the moment Sirius entered the room, just as she'd known he'd followed her. She held the soiled nappy behind her, and she felt his fingers brush hers as he took it from her to be thrown away. He only spoke when she'd finished.

"Charlie, you can't be angry with me forever."

"Wanna bet?"

"I've watched you hurting over this long enough, and it's starting to get ridiculous. I came back, didn't I? I was barely harmed."

"You were unconscious in the hospital for three days, Sirius. That's not _un_harmed."

"I was the least hurt out of the lot, and you know that. Some of those who'd accompanied me have yet to recover. Some never will."

"I know." Charlie slowly turned to face him. Harry, fed and changed, was rapidly becoming drowsy. She gazed down at him, rocking him back and forth in the cradle of her arms. "You don't know how often I thank God you're not one of them," she whispered.

They both watched Harry fight sleep until finally his eyelids became too heavy for him to deny. Silently he submitted into peaceful slumber.

"I came back," Sirius repeated quietly after a moment. His stormy eyes lifted and met with her chocolate ones. "But I haven't been able to live. I can't, Charlie. Not without you."

He saw tears pool in her eyes as he reached behind her neck to grasp the thin gold chain. Deftly his fingers unclasped it and withdrew it from under her shirt. Hanging on the chain was the ring he'd given her, the ring she'd taken off her finger but hadn't been able to part with completely. He slid it into his hand, then held it up between their faces.

"Choose now, Charlie. Decide whether you want me to take this and leave, or put it back on your finger where it belongs, so we can finally be together." He looked back down at the sleeping Harry. "So we can finally have a family of our own."

The only thing that moved was the sole tear that ran down Charlie's cheek. They stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity; at last Charlie moved. She took a slow step back, then another, and another, before turning around fully and walking to Harry's crib. Sirius shut his eyes tight and clenched his teeth against the sharp stab of pain in his heart. But before he knew it, her arms were around him and her lips were crushed to his.

* * *

That was the last time all the friends were together. A few days later, the Potters went into hiding. They moved to another house, upon which the Fidelius Charm was cast. Sirius, at the last minute, begged off being their Secret Keeper, claiming it was too obvious. They made it Peter instead. That decision cost them their lives.

For Peter had been in league with Voldemort since around the time of Harry's birth. On Halloween night, October 31, 1981, he betrayed his friends' trust and told Voldemort the Potters' location.

* * *

As Lily walked down the stairs that night, she had a strange sense of déjà vu. When she stepped down off the last step she stopped, closed her eyes, and tried to think of why she was so tense.

Nothing came to her, so she sighed and shrugged it off, walking into the living room. She plopped down next to James on the couch, kissed his cheek, and tried to see what it was about the article he was reading in the paper that was so interesting. After trying and failing, she wiggled into his lap and pressed against him. That got his attention.

She kissed his neck and nibbled on his ear. Huskily she whispered, "Wanna neck?"

Before he could reply, however, they both heard a soft _click_. A wave of déjà vu hit Lily that was so intense she nearly fainted. As the black spots cleared from her vision, she murmured, God knew why, "The back door just unlocked. He's come for Harry."

James studied her with a strange expression on his face, but because her statement unsettled him, he got up to walk to the kitchen. Of their own accord, Lily's feet carried her to the base of the stairs.

Only when James shouted, "Lily, take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off!" did she break out of her daze. She flew up the stairs without hesitation; she didn't see the flash of green light burst from the kitchen, but she heard the high, eerie cackle. And knew she was alone.

Lily rushed into Harry's room. Something had already woken him up. He was standing with his hands on the rails of the crib. Lily picked him up and held him to her chest tightly, feeling as though this had happened before.

"It'll be all right, shnookums. Mummy's not going to let him hurt you."

The door burst open unexpectedly and smacked against the wall. Lily spun around and came face to face with a man she'd seen before so many times and had hoped never to see again. Voldemort.

"Not Harry, not Harry, _please_," Lily said desperately. She wasn't sure if she was imploring Voldemort, or praying to God.

"Stand aside, you silly girl! Stand aside now!" Voldemort hissed.

But she didn't surrender. In the instant before the curse took her, she suddenly knew where she'd seen and felt this all before.

She'd already died once in her dreams.

Dying for her son was the only defense she had, and she knew it, harnessed it, and used it.

She'd never felt more alive than she did the moment before she died.

* * *

Sirius was first on the scene that night. He found Harry, had everything planned out in his head for he and Charlie to raise him, when Hagrid showed up with strict orders from Dumbledore to take Harry to number four, Private Drive to live with his mother's Muggle sister and her husband and son.

Sirius insisted for a moment before he realized that only he, Lily, and James knew about the Secret Keeper switch. Not even Dumbledore knew that it was Peter who'd really betrayed them. So, recognizing defeat, Sirius gave Harry up.

The following morning he had a run-in with Pettigrew. He went mad with anger, grief, and heartache. But Peter was way ahead of him. He cut off his own finger and blew up a street full of Muggles before turning into his Animagus form of a rat and scampering off. Sirius was accused of too many murders to name and thrown into Azkaban prison where he rotted and plotted for the next twelve years.

With the death of Lily and James and little Harry being sent off, and Sirius in prison until death does he part, Charlie ran away. No one ever knew where she went or what happened to her. Some say she died. Some say she joined Voldemort under false pretenses, and he killed her instantly. Some say she's still out there, waiting for the Grim to come relieve her of her pain.

No matter which story is true, one thing was for sure: poor Remus was left all by his lonesome.

There is no happy ending to this story.


End file.
